The Osgiliate Dictionary: Vol. 2 – P – R (Palanteary – Rumormil)

by Sep 23, 2004Stories

A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (September, 2004)
P – R: Palanteary – Rumormil

palanteary (adj.) Upset over an unpleasant vision imparted by the Seeing Stone.
Denethor came down the stairs all palanteary. Instead of defending Gondor, his feckless second son had invited the Haradrim up to Henneth Annun and was teaching them the hokey pokey.

palanterrific (n.) The feeling of elation you get just a moment before you realize that whatever you’ve done was a very bad idea.

palanterritorial (adj.) Aggressive feelings of possession caused by a quick glance into a palantir or other treasured object.
Ever since Ben got that iMac, he’s been all palanterritorial about it–he keeps gazing into the screen, even when the monitor’s off…

palanterrorize (n.) To utilize a palantir with the direct intent to harass the party on the other end. A misdemeanor offense in Gondor.
Aragorn began to palanterrorize Cirdan’s folk by calling them every day, asking if they had Prince Legolas in a can.

palantiryzed (adj.) Unable to move.
Howard Dean’s audience’s first instinct was to run, but they instead stood palantiryzed in shock.

palantyranny (n.) an oppressive, controlling power.
Poor Pippin’s hair stood straight up because of the palantyranny of Sauron’s glowing orb.

palantyro (n.) One who is unskilled in the telepathic arts.
Though still a palantyro, Pippin couldn’t resist fondling the shiny, shiny orb.

pasta canon (n.) Anything that Peter Jackson has changed.
“What, you mean there are no elves at Helm’s Deep in the books?”
“Of course not, silly, that’s just pasta canon.”


Pastel (n.) Aragorn’s childhood nickname, which originated when the twins saw fit to dress him in one of Arwen’s gowns.

Paths of the Dead (n.) a hard and dangerous choice that provides a shortcut to victory. Opposite of Claim the Ring.
Frelga hoped that make_it_stop would take the Paths of the Dead to compiling the Osgiliath dictionary.

pauldrone (v.) To go on, and on, and on, about overlapping shoulder plates, hauberks, and other forms of torso shielding. (ed. note: pauldrons are the shoulder thingys worn by the Gondorian army)
The more the arms-and-armour geek pauldroned about his costume, the more desperately Beulah wanted to leave the Renaissance fair.

Pelennor Rigby (n.) Derogatory term for a warrior who disguises himself as a female in order to evade battle. The opposite of a dernhelm.

perchcussion (n.) The act of accompanying oneself with fish-whacking whilst singing. For example, Gollum in the Forbidden Pool.
That new coloratura perchcussionist at the Met plays a mean halibut.

peregreeting (n.) an enthusiastic greeting where you run full speed into your friend sending him sprawling on the ground, while you, your bags and another of your friends all pile on top of him.
My fell beast chick is getting too big for the peregreeting he gives me every morning.

peregrin (n., v.) a silly, apologetic grin after one has done something dreadful, like dropped a dwarf skeleton down a well.
Frelga peregrinned at her computer as she began to suspect that someone has already done this word.

peregrination (n.), peregrinate (v.) To become impulsive, clumsy, oblivious, and an all-around fool…at least on the surface.
One drop of alcohol, and it seems like everyone on campus has experienced sudden and extreme peregrination.

Peregrinch (n.) The Hobbit who Stole Christmas.
You’re a mean one, Peregrinch,
You’re a heel of a Took…
You’re as cuddly as a Nazgul
You’re a thieving, three-foot fluke


peregrine falcon (n.) A hasty bird of prey whose hunting skills are severely diminished by its tendency to make lots of noise everywhere it goes. Strangely attracted to gazing balls.

periannatheist (n.) One who doesn’t believe in the existence of Halflings.

phrodotype (n.) relating to an original model upon which something is patterned; archetype.
My respect and love for Frodo is connected to my view of my mother as a heroic phrodotype.

pippinch (v.) To liberally help oneself to food, Longbottom Leaf, palantirs, etc.
Hey! Somebody pippinched the last popsicle!

pipprehensive (adj.) Nervousness on the eve of battle; anxiety that one’s shortness may prove to be a handicap.
Moments before his name was called for the pole-vault competition, Tattoo felt pipprehensive.

plains of Gorgoroth, walk the (colloq.) 1. filmees – a very easy voyage or task, with little trouble involved 2. purists – a tough, strenuous passage
Getting him to eat that cake was like a walk in the plains of Gorgoroth.
Getting him to eat that spinach was like a walk in the plains of Gorgoroth.

pleasing Denethor (colloq.) Phrase that is the equivalent of undertaking an impossible task.
Make_it_stop volunteering to collate and bind the osgiliath dictionary was like pleasing Denethor.

polyéomer (n.) Chemical compound noted for its anti-slip properties.
Before leading the Rohirrim down a 60 degree slope, Gandalf ordered them to coat their horses’ hooves with polyéomer.

porc (n.) The other black meat.
[Word: Ravennelle. Definition: PrincessFaz]

po-tay-toes (interj.) Teenage slang for “Duh!”
If we sneak in the rear of the movie theater, we don’t have to pay. Po-tay-toes!

The Prancing Phony (n.) Popular gathering spot for poseurs, artistes, and miscellaneous pretentious people in dark glasses.

prancing pony (n.) A blabbermouth, someone who thoughtlessly gives away a secret.
Plans for Jill’s surprise birthday party were going well, until Jim made a complete prancing pony of himself and told the whole neighbourhood

prorcrastination (n.) To put off pillaging, burning, slashing, and other orcly duties.

Pukel-men (n.) Statues of frat boys lining the paths to Dunharrow. (Or, statues of hockey players, depending upon pronunciation)

pumpkin (v.) To have one’s extraordinary accomplishments, especially done elsewhere, overshadowed by more easily grasped ordinary accomplishments done nearby.
I still can’t believe my Nobel Prize in Physics got pumpkined by my family for my brother’s Jaycee of the Year award.

Punharrow (n.) A perilous camping spot one day’s hard ride from Edoras, which causes unwary victims to engage in unremitting wordplay. After the Fellowship spent the night there, Gandalf was heard the next morning singing “How do you solve a problem like Moria?”, while Gimli hummed “I found mithril, on Blueberry Hill”. This alone would have been grounds for dissolving the Fellowship.

put through the wringer (colloq.) the occasion when, while wearing a rather dilapidated Ring to ROTK, one is set upon by a zillion friends all demanding “a go”.


queagle (v.) To expose plot holes by asking simple, obvious questions that require torturous explanations. Examples of queagleries include:
Why didn’t they use the eagles to deliver the ring in the first place?
Why didn’t the ring turn Sauron invisible?
How did Frodo get Sting back at Osgiliath, if he was still Faramir’s prisoner?
Why didn’t Gandalf just nuke everybody with his staff during the Siege of Gondor?
How did the Ring lie at the bottom of a river for 3,000 years without getting silted over?


quenyap (v.) To go on (and on, and on, and on) about Tolkien, his works, his languages, etc., etc., etc.

Quickbeam Chocolate Syrup (n.) chocolate syrup to enliven any ent draft or Heinnekent Draft. Instead of a stupid looking rabbit, their mascot is a field mouse.


radéoactivity (n.) Force given out by weaselly counsellors. Can lead to Théorectile dysfunction.

radioactive scrubbing bubbles (n.) Cleanser made of decayed flesh. Useful in battles to make your city sparkly white.
Man, we need some radioactive scrubbing bubbles after that one.

Rammas Accordion (n.) Giant, pleated wall enclosing the Pelennor Fields. Rumor has it that Sauron’s forces were held in check for many years by its ability to play polkas and Edith Piaf tunes.

Raurosin (n.) Sticky substance that allows dead people to stay inside boats as they plunge over 100-ft. waterfalls.

reaching the eastern shore (colloq.) going to a place where you cannot follow.
I was going to climb that mountain, but the guide had already reached the eastern shore.

riddermarks (n.) small sores and indentations left by riding crops, horse-shaped nosepieces, and Rohickeys.
After vacationing in Edoras, Letitia had to wear a turtleneck for three days to cover up all of her riddermarks.

ringratiating (adj.) Overly deferential and flattering to Ring-Bearers, with the aim of getting close enough to throttle them.

Rio Gronde (n.) The 3,100 kilometer-long river of Mordor.

Rivendeli (n.) Outdoor cafe featuring vegetarian cuisine and 35 flavors of lembas.
Lunch at the Rivendeli again? What are you, some kind of lembacile?

rivendellegate (v.) To entrust the most dangerous and difficult task to the smallest, weakest member of your group.

Rohanatkinson’s Disease (n.) A compulsion to engage in horse-related slapstick.

rohandlers (n.) cowboys or celebrity assistants.

rohandsome (adj.) see edorable

rohanesque (adj.) structures that feature horse motifs a great deal; of solid structure.

roharem (n.) Female horse groupies.
Shadowfax was so sexy in Valinor, he had mares begging to be in his roharem.
[Word and definition: make_it_stop. Usage: Stupid_Orcs]

ro-hinney (n.) a tushie of Rohan.
Darn! I was hoping Eomer would be wearing a kilt, so the winds of Edoras might give us a quick peek of his cute little rohinney.

rohirric (interj.) An episode of short intakes of breath caused by the jostling experienced on horseback.
Let’s ride over *rohirric* to that canyon and *rohirric* camp for the night *rohirric*. Anybody got any water?

rohurry (n.) the habit of being consistently late or rushed when preparing for a life-altering event.
The Rohirrim were in such a rohurry they had no time to brush their teeth or comb their hair.

ropyrrhic victory (adj.) Okay, so you didn’t all die at Helm’s Deep. But your crops are ruined, your cattle slaughtered, your homes burned, your land salted, and the local Wal-Mart went out of business. And now you have to go fight in a battle 10 times bigger.

rosie glasses (n.) a simplistic, naive way of looking at life that’s endearing, but destined not to last. Can also be referred to in matters of love.
I can’t help it if I have rosie glasses, I grew up in a small Hobbit hole.
Sauron’s been wearing rosie glasses since he laid eye on Frodo’s ring.


rúmormil (n.) Where all the Haldirt comes from.


CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.

EDITOR: make_it_stop


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Found in Home 5 Reading Room 5 Stories 5 The Osgiliate Dictionary: Vol. 2 – P – R (Palanteary – Rumormil)

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