THE OSGILIATE DICTIONARY: VOLUME 2
A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (August, 2004)
M: Mallornament – Mustard of Rohan
mallornament (n.) Tacky Lothlorilawn knick-knacks, such as shiny palantirs, garden gnomes, pink plastic fell beasts, and the like.
Celeborn rolled his eyes as he picked his way over Galadriel’s collection of mallornaments.
mapify (v.) to summarize a complicated plot or situation using a map as visual aid. Var: mapolize, mapolate
I’m not following this quarterly presentation…Can someone take this atlas of Canadian provinces and mapify it for me?
Marshall of the Mork (n.) Warrior whose job it is to ride around the Riddermark wearing rainbow suspenders and yelling “Shazzbat!”
marwen (v.) to detract from purist perfection.
“Lalalalalalalaaa, not listening, not watching!” repeated Wildwood, refusing to allow PJ to marwen her cherished mental image of Frodo at the Ford.
mary sue (v.) To engage an author in litigation because he/she did not write you into the novel.
Josephine is mary-suing Tolkien Estates and New Line Cinema because she wasn’t cast as Legolas’ girlfriend.
medusold (v., past tense) To unload priceless heirlooms while in a possessed or demented state.
Theoden medusold Edoras to Saruman in exchange for four beads and a cup of coffee.
medutate (v.) To loiter on the Golden Parapets at Edoras, gazing into the distance. Medutation may periodically be interrupted by soft, cryptic, present-tense pronouncements. Synonym: bloominate
As Aragorn medutated, he heard Legolas murmur “The wind has fled, and paces with sleepless Destiny on the mountaintops. A notorious moon rises.”
meet me at Bree (n.) an expression which implies promising to meet a social obligation when one has no intention of following through. Archaic precursor to modern expression “Let’s do lunch.”
“Um, riiiiiight,” said Peter Jackson, eyeing the script in Pauly Shore’s hands. “Tell you what, MY people will call YOUR people and then you can meet me at Bree.
mellon (n.) A deceptively simple answer to a puzzle.
“Oh, so that was it! That’s one heck of a mellon!
Mellowship (n.) the nine companions after partaking of after-dinner Longbottom Leaf.
“Slackers!” muttered the fox to himself, as he paused to observe the idiotic hilarity of the Mellowship, lounging around the campfire.
var. breaking of the Mellowship (colloq.) a shift in mood from irrational giddiness to testiness or irritability.
The following morning, a distinct breaking of the Mellowship occurred when it was found that Pippin had mistakenly fed Bill the Pony the last of the Longbottom Leaf rather than hay.
Also see: elfstoned
meriadoc (n.) Well-meaning motherly advice given to young hobbit girls (compare “merialawyer”, “meriastockbroker” ).
“Iris,” said Old Mother Took, “do yourself a favor. When you grow up, don’t marry for love. Meriadoc.”
Merriadoc Randybuck (n.) infamous cousin to Merry Brandybuck, known for low-budget soft-porn theater productions at the Bree Bijou.
meriadocile (v.) Wildly extrovert, but not quite as much so as other people.
Ed wasn’t exactly a shrinking violet at college, but he was meriadocile compared to some of his friends.
merry-go-round (n.) confusion usually accompanied by apple eating and typically involves fireworks and stone throwing.
merry-tocracy (n.) a utopian political system where the role of government officials is limited to making speeches at the banquets, leaving the rest of the population to enjoy the life of prosperity.
minas-go-round (n.) a form of entertainment used at carnivals of Minas Tirith in which children, to the accompaniment of full orchestral music, rode mechanical ponies at breakneck speed around all seven levels of the city. Note: the original concept for this ride was abandoned due to protests of “poor taste”. That design would have children mount white horses and be whirled in dizzying circles by mechanical Fell Beasts.
Stuck with babysitting, Daddy Iorlas bought Junior thirty-seven tickets for the minas-go-round so he could put up his feet and enjoy his ale.
minas mirth (n.) The state of joy that permeated all of Gondor at the start of the Fourth Age.
minas mogul (n.) 1. Big Cheese of Gondor.
Over lunch at Spago’s, the minas mogul successfully pitched Osgiliath as the location for Tim Burton’s remake of “Saturday Night Fever”.
2. These are the tycoons of our age such as Donald Trump, Bill Gates, and P. Diddy who live in creepily well decorated and outrageously expensive homes, riding fell-mobiles, and are always seeking out (at least in P. Diddy’s case) Blings of Power.
3. Architecture characterized by a steeply sloping roof, covered in rounded, irregular bumps. Suitable for shield-surfing.
Minas-soft® – the behemoth software company of Gondor and a pioneer of saddle-top computing. Operating system: Éowyndows.
Minas-soft word processing and orc-tracking software is rumored to be a contributing factor leading to the depression and suicide of the last Ruling Steward of Gondor.
Products: a suite of applications – maybe the Citadel® suite – with programmes like Scribe® for writing, Abacus® for calculations and Muster® for keeping records of things. Then there would be Minas-soft Palantir®, of course, for communications, and finally PowerRing® – `instead of giving another darn slide presentation, why not just make yourself invisible?’
Rival company: Red Apple®. Game: Minas-sweeper®.
Meriadotdoc: a writing application to go with your Minas-software.
Nimro-Dell – one of the largest manufacturers of computers in the West. Their powerful yet elegantly designed desktops come in Mallorn Gold, Elanor Yellow or Forest Stream Green color schemes, but the software is plagued by unreliable clocks.
Morkia – a pioneering palantir-communications company.
Minas Teareth (v.) to sob uncontrollably.
I always Minas Teareth up when that darling, courageous, beautiful Faramir walks away from his cruel father.
Minas Tearish (adj.) To become overemotional during the coronation scene.
As soon as Sarah saw that Elrond looking all Minas Tearish, she started blubbering into her soda-pop.
Minas Tier (n.) A level of the City of Kings.
The Johnsons got to move up to the next Minas Tier, those lucky stiffs! Now they won’t get garbage thrown on them all the time.
minastirithic (adj.) (of inanimate objects) Having the ability to spontaneously repair damage.
The gargoyle was almost destroyed by lightning, but it turned out to be completely minastirithic.
Minus Tirith (n.) of the loss of an important fortress in battle [probably due to not enough nails bought at Helm’s Depot].
Well, we’re doing alright in the war against Mordor, Minus Tirith, which we lost yesterday.
mindolloomin’ (adj.) Really, really, really giant and overbearing.
Wow, that mountain sure is mindolloomin’.
Our neighbors won the lottery and built a mindolloomin’ four-car garage that blots out the sun.
mirkwooden (adj.) Of or relating to a poor acting performance.
“Agh.” the elf intoned mirkwoodenly as Orcs hewed at his shinbones.
2. a very stiff individual either because of his/her high moral standards or because he/she can’t speak in front of a crowd – see: Al Gore.
Mirrormeremir (n.) Boromir and Faramir’s shiny, vain half-brother.
“Mirrormeremir, on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all? Why…I am!”
mission…quest…thing (colloq.) Euphemism for ‘terrible task’.
Mom: Honey, it’s time to go the dentist.
Son: Aw, man! Not another mission…quest…thing.
mistycal (n.) derived from the Misty Mountains – alternate spelling of the modern English word mystical.
mithrandire (adj.) when things are really really bad.
When Gandalf shows up, you know things are mithrandire.
mithrandom (adj.) Of an electrical appliance that works intermittently (after Gandalf’s one-time-only use of white light to repel the Nazgul).
I had to throw out the toaster oven because it had started mithrandomly burning the Pop Tarts.
mithrill (n.) 1. that giddy feeling one experiences upon stumbling upon great wealth. (adj.) 2. of one who seeks adventure in dangerous places once known for their great treasure.
Yes, the great bungee jump of Moria was constructed by one of the mithrill seekers who frequented these parts.
2. Any small, cloudy tributary or branch of the Celebrant.
mithrill ride (n.) Theme park attraction that involves terrifying runs along bottomless chasms, over narrow bridges and through walls of fire.
moon-ass is-ill (n.) a sight best left unseen.
Pavarotti in black speedos is a moon-ass is-ill.
moon-letters (n.) one of Frank Zappa’s children.
mootmoot (n.) Unnecessary meeting.
“All right,” said the CEO, “who called this mootmoot?”
morannon (n.) – Very long foot race held every year as part of the Frodolympics.
* Tradition has it that before the singing Eagle came, a messenger ran all the way nonstop from Mordor to Minas Tirith after the battle on the Morannon was won, and Sauron had fallen, to inform the people of their victory. Upon reaching his destination, he was only able to moan the words, “Sing, all ye people, sing all together…” before dropping dead of exhaustion. The morannon as it came to be commemorated that messenger and his run, though of course, it was not as long.
mordoor (n.) An unnecessarily complicated and baroque entrance involving narrow stairs, troll-powered gates, and icky spiders.
That mordoor goes real nice with the eowyndows.
mordorboard (n.) an academic cap worn during graduation ceremonies.
“Awww, how sweet!” chuckled Granny Grishnak as she watched her grandorc walking onto the stage to receive his diploma. “He’s taped `I ate the Valedictorian’ on the top of his mordorboard! That stinker!”
mordorg chart (n.) Powerpoint slide depicting the departmental breakdown of Ultimate Evil.
Lurtz knew he was about to get laid off when he couldn’t find his name on the new mordorg chart.
mordority (n.) a majority that forms when all the idiots are on the same side.
Frightened for their property, the mordority voted to make tire-slashing a capital crime.
mordorize (v.) to by necessity condense something which was previously much bigger into a smaller and more easily presentable product.
My school paper was to big for the teacher to read so I mordorized it into the most important pieces.
mordork (n.) Dumb orcs, like the ones who try to sneak into Osgiliath bringing brightly burning torches.
[Word: make_it_stop. Definition: andurilwest]
mordormant (adj.) When something really bad or feared is temporarily not affecting you, but will eventually.
“I get to skip midterms today,” thought Billy, recuperating from his fever. “But as far as it goes, it’s still mordormant.”
mordorogeny (n.) Geologic phenomenon, whereby mountain chains in fantasy novels erupt from the bedrock in a perfectly square formation. If it is an evil mountain range, it will surround an isolated live volcano.
mordor’s the pity (colloq.) Expression of annoyance with Mordor.
“And mordor’s the pity, Osgiliath was taken again!”
moriabund (adj.) to survive the Balrog of Moria and then become a lazy oaf.
When Pippin came home, he became moriabund.
morpore (n.) Really, really bad acne. Think Mt. Doom after the Ring is destroyed on a face, and you get the general idea without my having to go into the details.
mothbawl (v.) to cry tiny, urgent tears.
“Good gravy, here he comes again!” said Gwaihir, rolling his eyes. “He’ll probably be mothbawling another melodramatic sob-story about how Gandalf the Grey, the White, or the Chartreuse, whatever, needs another free ride. Better fuel up, boys.”
mothril (n.) An amalgam of powdered moth and silver, mothril is the most highly prized of metaphors. It retains its brilliant shine even as it symbolizes the triumph of nature over industry. Rumored to be far stronger than powdered eagle.
mumakill (v.) to defeat a large or powerful foe with an unnecessarily showy display of agility or talent. Also see legolize.
Was it necessary to mumakill that Nazgul with the behind-the-back move?
2.Achieving comprehensive destruction of enemy against totally implausible odds (opposite of “charging to Osgiliath”- ensuring total destruction by overwhelming forces).
mumuzak (n.) Bland background music that accompanies trampling, killing, braying, and shrieking.
As Iris waited nervously in the dentists’ office, a mumuzak version of “Tusk” wafted over the PA system.
mustard of Rohan (n.) a condiment available in small packets, convenient for traveling. Often used to flavor porc sandwiches.
“Gamling,” directed Theoden, “Follow the King’s banner down the center. Eomer, wipe your mouth. No one will take you seriously if your face is smeared with mustard of Rohan. Thrimbold, take your men to the wall…(etc.)”
CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.