THE OSGILIATE DICTIONARY: VOLUME 2
A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (May, 2004)
B: Bag End – Buckleberry Finn
bag end (n.) in computer jargon, the server (big computer) at the TORC website.
The front end of the TORC website is HTML code that you see in your browser, and the board messages reside in a database in bag end.
bag ending (n.) Among several false or premature endings, the scene that actually does conclude a movie.
“Was that the bag ending?”
“Nope, it’s just the Grey Havens….we’ve got another forty minutes to go.”
bag-end pipes (n.) An instrument initially used in the great Orc-estra of Minas Morgul, possessing the sound quality of dying milk cows. This particular make and model was imported to the shire and altered by one Bilbo Baggins for the purpose of warding off certain unwanted relatives.
It’s those Sackville-Bagginses again, Frodo, break out the Bag-End Pipes.
baggins (n.) very wide, baggy pants favored by grade-school boys. Great for valardbuckets. Compare “leggins” (thin, tight pants).
baggyend (n.) a distinctive broadening of the posterior due to increasing one’s caloric intake while repeatedly sitting motionless for 3 hrs. 20 min.
After my 27th viewing of RotK, I could barely squeeze my baggyend into the theater seat.
bagshot (adj.) red, bleary eyes resulting from excessive crying.
By the time little Elanor and Rosie came out to greet Sam, my eyes were bagshot.
bag-start (n.) A shaky beginning, as of reluctance to follow unexpected dwarven visitors into the unknown, or to carry an unwanted treasure.
Well, the adventure turned out well enough, even if it did get off to a Bag-Start.
bakshism (n.) an obscure political movement backing the Four Freedoms: freedom to put your own slant on a story; freedom to hush up important events (i.e. the Black Gate); freedom to sex up other events (i.e. Helm’s Deep: “and thanks to Theoden’s armies, the darkness was forever driven from Middle-earth” ); and freedom to annoy as many purists as possible (also classed as suicide).
balin chain (n.) A group of people/dwarves/animals etc. that you are forced to have with you when you go on an adventure.
When Bilbo was trying to kill Smaug, he had the old balin chain with him.
balrogle (v.) To gawk nerdily at CGI creatures, while ignoring the human actors.
Mamacita! Check out the digital compositing on those tentacles. I’d sure love to get into her source code.
Barad-Durif (n.) Evil stone edifice which speaks with a Midwestern accent. Also known as “Grima Wormtower”.
baroque-hai (n.) a class of highly artistic, sophisticated orcs who used extravagant ornamentation on their clothing or person.
Those baroque-hai are such snobs! Just who do they think they are?
bar-orc (adj.) an overly ornate style that has every surface covered with grisly curlicues and blood red accents
barrow-white (adj.) Ghastly albino hue, caused by not having been outdoors in a very, very long time.
You look barrow-white…have you been hanging out on TORC?
Battle of the Glad-Rag Fields (n.) famous battle in which the flamboyant cross-dressing Orcs of the Misty Mountains, never able to pass up a flashy piece of jewelry, ambushed Isildur to try and get his ring.
beacon watch (n.) Job which combines years of idleness with moments of frantic activity.
beaconosis (n.) a psychological disorder whose chief symptom is the tendency to find symbolism in everyday life, esp. with respect to the concept of “hope.”
The Boss’ beaconosis is really acting up today–when I flushed the toilet he cried out, ‘Hope is drowned.’
beorn again (n.) one who has lost their way from LOTR and was sucked back in either by reading the books again or the movies.
beregone (adj.) vanished without trace (of a well loved but relatively little known acquaintance).
bergils (n.) Gondorian gerbils.
Better Holes and Gardens (n.) Hobbit home improvement magazine.
big folk (n.) a fusion of Big Band and Folk music. (adj.) having such a sound. – big folksiness (adj.)
bilbeaux (n.) SH (single hobbit), 111 years old. Loves poetry, giving parties, and long inter-species adventures. Single ladies, this is one guy who’s definitely looking to put a ring on his finger! No short jokes, please.
bilbiography (n.) Complete list of Tolkien’s works.
bilboard (n.) Central advertising spot for “adventures”.
I saw your ad for “Make $$$$ From The Comfort Of Your Own Home! (some travel required)” on the bilboard, and thought I’d drop by for tea…
bilboding (v.) Bringing up a subject that has caused a lot of pain and anxiety after it has been resolved to the detriment of all involved. And not noticing the effect it has on people.
bilbonic plague (n.) Disease caused by frodozoa – causes the victim to feel like butter spread too thinly.
bilbonics (n.) A rhyming Shire dialect. Now considered passe.
Bill Bones Baggins (n.) Even Paradise gets boring after a while, and to alleviate the longevity of the hours (or … something) Bilbo decided to become a professional lab skeleton.
Black Breath (n.) 1. severe dwarvian halitosis.
“If his head stood but a little higher from the ground, Eomer, YOU would die before your stroke fell,” said Legolas. “Believe me, his Black Breath qualifies as a weapon of mass destruction.”
2. Nazgul halitosis. One of their deadliest weapons.
Black Speech (n.) a mysterious manner of speaking, hard to understand or decipher.
Maybe I could tell what was going on if Aragorn would quit using Black Speech . I have no idea what he just said.
Bling of Power (n.) Also see fell-mobiles. Can also be anything over-priced and exclusive to minas moguls or actors. Are constantly desired by just about everyone, especially minas moguls.
bloomify (v.) To state obvious fact with a word or phrase. 2. To participate in action for the purpose of getting attention.
bloominate (v.) To think aloud using enigmatic, present tense pronouncements. See medutate.
blooming obvious (interj.) the cry of exasperation that rises from the cinema audience as one of the characters proves, once again, why the costume department made him blonde.
bloominous (adj.) to be inexplicably surrounded by soft, glowing light.
Barbara Streisand, looking absolutely bloominous, made a rare appearance on Oprah to promote her Very Last, Final, This-Is-It-Folks,-Really-I-Mean-It-This-Time Concert.
blunderhill (n.) when on a covert mission, a failure to explain the need for secrecy to all members of the party.
Frodo made a terrible blunderhill by not speaking v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y and drawing little pictures for Pippin before entering Bree.
As the policeman approached the car window with the ticket book in his hand, Carla made quite a blunderhill when she failed to stuff a muffin into Junior’s mouth.
Bog End (n.) Hobbit-hole in one of the swampy, less desirable neighborhoods of Hobbiton. Compare “Buggy End”, “Beg End”.
bombabilliards (n.) A defunct lounge game, which involved creating a complex song-and-dance routine as punishment for any bad shot.
bombadilly-dally (v.) To evade adult responsibility by embarking on frivolous hippie benders.
Cut your hair, stop bombadilly-dallying, and get a job!
bombadilly-o (interj.) an exclamation usually in the form of a question such as What the bombadilly-o? to express confusion or annoyance. Also see Elendilly-o.
Gollum initially muttered, “What the bombadilly-o?” when he realized his ring was missing from its hiding spot.
bombaditty (adj.) a song – usually a nonsense verse – that one repeats over and over and over and over and over and over and over until the hearers revolt.
Tom wouldn’t quit with his bombaditty so we buried him in the mud.
bombastin (v.) to practice verbose grandiosity or pretentious inflated speech. Also see seantificate.
Groan! There Sean goes, bombastin his way through the commentaries again!
booromirang (n.) a character whose corpse is launched in a boat down a waterfall in the first movie, but who returns for brief cameos in the two subsequent movies.
borofear (n.) A startle one suffers upon looking at Sharpe pictures first thing in the morning.
After booting up her computer, Twinky was assailed with borofear upon seeing shieldmatron’s sig picture.
boromasticate (v.) Chew extremely thoroughly.
Denethor’s sons were so disgusted by him that they vowed to boromasticate everything in future.
borometer (n.) A measuring device which detects sudden changes in narrative pressure.
According to the borometer, Boromir no longer desires the Ring, because he’s dead.
boromint (n.) a breath freshener known to attract Orcs.
BoroMir (n.) the original name of the Russian space station.
boromir-kat (n.) Unnatural phenomenon of nature where the father meerkat chooses a favorite offspring and lavishes attention on him. Usually a male.
Look class, this group of meerkats has a Boromirkat. See how the father is giving him extra food??
borosillicate (v.) To reduce a touching movie scene to bathos by shouting comments too inane even for Mystery Science Theater. Originated when people in the audience shouted, “Yuck! Yuck! Gay! Gay!” when Aragorn kissed Boromir’s brow during his death scene.
Dude, I was all set to cry when Sam carried Frodo up the mountain, and then those kids behind me borosillicated it by shouting, “Ew! Sam touched his butt!”
Boro’s silly cat (n.) childhood pet of the Steward’s sons.
borotorical (adj.) relating to a rousing speech, meant to inspire or exalt.
He was waxing borotorical when he gave his victory speech to the Men of Gondor.
Halplm can get absolutely borotorical when speaking about the Fox.
borrow-mir (v.) In borrowing an item (such as a ring), to cast doubt upon whether it will ever be returned.
My neighbor borrowmired my hedge clippers six months ago. Guess I’ll have to buy new ones.
boyds of a feather (n.) Any of a number of diminutive, hobbit-portraying actors who bond together intensely during filming of a trilogy in New Zealand.
bracegirdle (n.) lingerie; a constrictive or supportive garment favored by females suffering from baggyend.
In anticipation of the Dec. release of RotK, Victoria’s Secret unveiled its sexy New Line of bracegirdles at a NY fashion show.
Sales of bracegirdles have increased exponentially with the box office take of RotK.
brandybuck (adj.) any comment which was meant as an insult but comes out as a compliment, much to the amusement of the listeners.
brandywhine (v.) To complain that you might have made a mistake in leaving the Shire, Pip.
brandywine bridge gate (colloq.) (1) an unexpected and unwelcome obstacle (2) a herald of hard times to come
I was doing really well in my plan to take over the world, but I came up against a brandywine bridge gate and now no-one listens to me.
bree (n.) (homonym “brie” ) A soft white cheese. Nice with grapes.
breeduce (v.) to diminish in size.
Had the Gatekeeper known he would be breeduced to the general dimensions of a piece of plywood, he might have taken that job as a Prancing Pony chambermaid instead.
breefill (n.) a second serving or more of a drink.
Because of his foolish decision to indulge in seventeen breefills of his `pint’, Pippin spent the rest of the night with his head in the Prancing Pony’s outhouse.
breefund (n.) 1. A return on one’s annual Shadowtax. 2. A money-back guarantee promised to a customer, with no intention of following through, because you expect that they’ll be dead in the morning.
1. “Oh yes,” smirked Barliman Butterbur to Mr. Underhill, “You can have a full breefund if this room with the faulty lock proves unsatisfactory.”
2. As he tumbled from the sky, Nazgul Number Four realized that he’d been sold a Fell Lemon, and there was no hope of collecting on the breefund.
breeland karaoke (n.) An action or actions which seemed a good idea at the time, yet usually result in embarassment and/or invisibility
breemature (adj.) To feel a sense of relief at reaching journey’s end, when in fact you have just begun.
Pippin’s joy at reaching the Prancing Pony was breemature. Little did he know he would shortly wake up on a merchant freighter, bound for Djakarta.
Breetles, the (n.) Famous rock band dating from the Sixties, Fourth Age. Members: John Lebennin, Paul McCarcney, George Halethsson and Ringo Power.
breeunion (n.) an after-quest party with great beer. Pleasant enough, with some sinister overtones.
[Word: make_it_stop; definition, Frelga]
brego (v) 1. leaving a place due to emotional stress, with the strong possibility of returning in noble glory, only to leave again.
Whistler said he must brego, and he is now bregone.
2. A particularly delicious secret-recipe spaghetti sauce sold in Rohan.
bregotherapy (n.) Cure for multiple internal injuries, achieved by breathing on the patient. Also see eorlingus.
brethill (n.) First Age halitosis. Alternate form: breathil.
brother-mir (n., colloq.) An expression which sets a standard of comparison for male attractiveness. Replaces archaic expression (`90’s) “He’s a Baldwin.”
OMIGAWD! Get a load of that brother-mir standing over there!
Buckleberry Finn (n.) Novel about a childhood spent boating on the Brandywine, stealing mushrooms etc.
CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.