Somehow The fellowship (including Boromir) are together and have found their way to Medford, I guess they couldn’t get to Mordor, so they chose the next best thing.
The Fellowship of the Ring is standing in the food court in the Rouge Valley Mall. Frodo is looking very paranoid, and keeps ducking under tables. Sam is copying him. Merry and Pippin are looking around them, overwhelmed by all the food. Gimli and Legolas are in Hat World. Aragorn and Boromir are trying (unsuccesfully) to pick up women, And Gandalf is trying (also unsuccesfully) To gain control of the situation.
“All of you get back here!” Gandalf yells.
The fellowship all turn and look his direction, then go back to what they were doing. Gandalf tries again “If you come over here, I’ll buy you all a pretzel!” The Fellowship Stops what they’re doing and run over to Gandalf.
After going to the pretzel maker, they all have a seat at one of the round tables. Legolas opens his straw and shoots the paper at Gimli while his head is turned.
“Who did that?” Legolas points at Aragorn. Gimli jumps up onto the table and pulls out his axe. Aragorn starts screaming like a girl, and Legolas falls out of his chair, giggling like a mad freak. Gandalf gains control of the situation after promising Gimli an Orange Julius if he’ll just sit down.
“We are here because I got a tank top for Christmas, it doesn’t fit, so I have to take it back to JC penny’s”
“So what are we waiting for?”Asks Gimli. “The shirt cannot be returned, Gimli son of gloin with any weapon we here posess, I don’t have a receipt.” Sam starts to tear up. Aragorn screams like a girl. Gandalf continues. “It is my burden to bear, the rest of you, split up into groups, here’s twenty bucks. Gimli, you go with Legolas.” Legolas and GImli exchange exited looks. “Meridoc will go with Peregrin, Aragorn will go withFrodo…” Sam, nearly in tears, cuts in “Beggin your pardon Gandalf sir, but i thought, Mr.Frodo and I might be going together…” Frod is standing behind Sam gesturing wildly to Gandalf mouthing “Please no! He’s driving me mad!” Sam continues. “But you said Gandalf! you said! Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee! and I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to.” Gandalf Sighs “Very well, you may go with Frodo.” said Gandalf ‘don’t you leave him Samwise Gangee, and I don’t mean to..” Gandalf interupts him.
“Fine, you may go with Frodo.” Frodo starts to tear up. “That means that Aragorn will go with Boromir.” The two exchange dirty glances.
So the Fellowship all heads off in different directions. Sam and Frodo’s first stop is at hot topic.
“There’s some strange folk abroad mr. Frodo.” Says sam, seeing a boy with spikes in his eyebrows.
“It’ll be alright Sam.” Suddenly Frodo sees someone dressed all in Black. Most of us know Goths are relatively harmless, but if you were being hunted by black riders, you might freak out too. “NAZGUL!!!!” Frodo yells. He sits on the ground and waits to be saved.
“Oooohh!!! Look Gimli!” Legolas grabs Gimli by the arm and yanks him into a store called “Wet Seal” He runs over to a rack of Leather mini skirts and holds one up to him. “Do you think this would look good on me Gimli? I’m so sick of this green thing.”
Legolas cuts him off when he sees a rack with belts on it. “I could uses a new belt too.”
“Well I suppose it’s sort of…”
“Can I help you?” a sales lady walks up behind Legolas and startles him. Before anyone can blink, he’s shot her with an arrow.
“Aw Jiminy Christmas. not again!” The customers turn, look at Legolas then take off running.
Merry and Pippin have not yet left the food court. Gandalf had given them all money before they parted, and the hobbits had already spent it buying something from every restaurant.
“This is good.” Says Pippin, taking a sip of pepsi. Just then, merry returns to the table carrying a soda twice the size of pippin’s. “What’s that?”
Merry says “this my friend, is a 44 oz.”
“It’s comes in a 44 oz?”
“I’m gettin one!”
Aragorn and Boromir are standing out side of Afterthoughts.
“Watch and learn, Boromir.” Aragorn walks over to girl, get slapped in the face, and walks back to Boromir. “Well now I know what not to say.”
“The next one’s mine.” The next girl Boromir sees he walks over to and says. “Hey, my father’s almost royalty.”
She glares at him and says “how nice.” Then continues to walk away.
He yells after her “What, not elf like enough for you?”
Aragorn gives him a pat on the back “Better luck next time, this ones mine.” He walks up to a girl just coming out of the store. “A woman just gave up her immortality for me, but a girl like you could make me forget that.”
She slaps him. “Pig!”
“But I’m a very rugged pig, right?”
“Go take a shower.” she walks away.
Gandalf is in Jc Penny, trying to get up to the returns counter, but people keep cutting in front of him, he stands up on the counter and raises his staff, “You shall not pass!”
Legolas and Gimli are being led away by store security (Thankfully the sales girl had on a really big necklace, so the arrow hit that and didn’t kill her. just a flesh wound) Legolas is rambling. “Ya know, most people think elves have quick reflexes, but it’s not true, we’re just jumpy. I mean she surprised me! I know I should probably switch to decaf, but…”
Gimli cuts in. “I don’t think your helping.”
Legolas crosses is arms and sticks out his bottom lip. “Don’t you believe me Gimli?”
Gimli rolls his eyes. “Yes I believe you.”
Legolas bends down and gives him a hug.
The security guard rolls his eyes too. “Yeah that’s touching guys, but even if it was an accident, you shot the lady with a bow and arrow! who carries a bow and arrow in the mall!?”
“Look at these people.” Legolas says gesturing to the passersby “Would you feel safe in here without a weapon?”
The security guard stops, and lets go of Legolas’s shirt. “Ya know, you’ve got a point.”
Aragorn and Boromir are now standing outside of Claire’s, hoping to have better luck. Boromir walks up to a pretty blonde lady and asks “are we near an airport, or is that my heart taking off?” She rolls her eyes and continues into the store. “Darn! I thought for sure that would work!”
“Amateur!” aragorn walks inside the store and up to an attractive brunette who is looking at the tiaras.
“You know, I could make you a princess.” He says to her.
“Yeah whatever, what’s that smell?” She sniffs the air.
“Uh…it’s the smell of the outdoors.”
“Yeah well nice try, but get back to me when you learn the value of soap, mkay?” She turns and walks away.
Aragorn turns to Boromir and says, “well I think We’re getting better at this!”
Frodo is sitting on the floor in Hot Topic, wheezing and looking pitiful. Sam is standing, sword drawn, in his defense.
“Get back!” he yells at the confused looking Gothic guy. “Leave him alone!”
“Yeah okay, whatever.” The guy walks away from them over to the t-shirt rack.
“I did it Mr.Frodo!” Sam exclaims. “They’ll call me ‘Samwise the Brave’ Someday, and no mistake!”
Frodo stands up and brushes himself off, trying to collect the dignity he no longer has. “Thanks Sam, look, it’s not like I’m not grateful, but you know, everyone needs a little time alone, and I think, maybe, we spend just a little too much time togeth–“
“Mr.Frodo!” Sam interrupts him. “I made a promise mr. Frodo! A Promise! Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee and I–”
“Yes I know Sam you don’t mean to, but I don’t think Gandalf meant you had to follow me around all the time.”
Sam sits on the floor and begins to pout.
Legolas and Gimli (who are now free) have wandered over to Pacific sunwear. Legolas immediately sprints over to the Jewelry section and begins trying on bracelets. Gimli spots a sweater that he would like very much to try on, but it is to high for him to reach. His Dwarf pride is very injured by this and he marches up to the counter.
“Why is it that everything around here is to high for me to reach”
The boy behind the counter glares down at him, then leans forward and says. “Because your short, and guess what, I don’t like short people, ya know why?”
“Because they make me angry, their right at my fist level and I just want to punch them!”
At this Gimli becomes VERY angry, he grabs the boy by his shirt collar and pulls him over the counter. “You have picked the wrong short person to mess with!” Hearing the commotion with his keen elf senses, (or maybe because it was happening ledd then twenty feet away) Legolas sprints across the store.
“Gimli No! We have to stay out of trouble!”
Gimli loosens his grip on the frightened sales boy. “I suppose your right master elf.” then he turns back to the boy and says. “Your lucky, the last clerk that crossed us met with an arrow!” Then, Legolas and Gimli link arms and stroll out of the store.
Merry and Pippin have eaten there food and are now getting bored.
“Now what Pip? we got no more money.”
“We could go…over there!” Pippin points at Walden books, so the two hobbits make their way over to the shop.
They go to the back of the store and find a section that seems…oddly familiar.
“Look at this book pip! ‘languages of middle earth’ they know about Middle Earth!”
Pippin, who was browsing at another shelf, suddenly turned white. He picks up a book. on the cover, is Frodo Baggins, he reads the tile out loud. “The Fellowship of the ring”
Frodo and sam are not speaking. Frodo is standing with his back to Sam, with his arms crossed, and Sam is staring at the Back of Frodo’s head with tears streaming down his face. He’s muttering to himself “Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee…” repeatedly
Aragorn is sitting on a bench, lookin listless. Boromir is beside him. “Well Boromir, we’ve already hit on all the pretty gilrs, and the so so girls, and even some down right ugly girls, and every one of them has turned us down, I just don’t get it, if two, strpping woodsy royales like ourselves can’t find chicks, what hope is there for the rest of the world? Some evil gifts must be to these creatures, sets it’s will against us” he burries his face in his hands.
“Do not give up yet, hope remains, while company is true, we’ll try once more.”
“Alright, on more time…” He surveys the nearly empty mall. “But do not trust to hope, it is forsaken these lands.”
Suddenly they see a group of elderly women going on their daily shuffle around the mall. Aragorn looks at Boromir. Boromir looks at Aragorn. Boromir says “Age is only a number….”
“Hey, Arwen’s over a thousand.” “I was hoping you’d see it that way.” They get up and start walking over to the group…. Meanwhile…. Merry and Pippin are looking at the book. “Merry! Do you know what this means!?” Merry shakes his head. “Neither do I, let’s go find food.” Well that’s all for now, sorry about the grammar issues my *!@$#&, enter key isn’t working which causes problems, questions or comments email them to Mooshoo@Charter.net, I’d appreciate it, thanks