Ruckus to Gain Peace; Part 11 – Bill Ferny

by Mar 1, 2005Stories

Bill Ferny’s sneering face had turned to him briefly, then away. Aragorn, in his royal clothing and wearing his crown, walked over to Ferny. Ferny took a large swig of his beer. Then looked up. “What do you want Longshanks!” He asked insolently.
“A little cooperation from you Ferny. You are hereby charged with high treason of endangering innocent lives. It has reached my ears that you allowed a troll to gain access to the city. You’ve been a spy for Isengard in the past and you were locked up in the dungeon, leaving without clarification for liberation.” Aragorn replied icily.
The audience had been shocked enough at seeing the King enter the bar, and then the way that Ferny had spoken to him. But the things that Ferny was charged for had all ears perked, listening intently. “And if I told you to go jump in the lake at Deadmen’s Dike, what would you say then?” Ferny sneered.
“I’d say; Gladly. Just as soon as you have. Then I could hold your head under the water.” Aragorn answered calmly. A few sniggers were murmured through the audience.
Ferny shook his head. “Go kill yourself and do us ALL a favour!” Ferny spat.
“Good idea! … Why don’t you?” Aragorn asked.
“Go find some friends!” Ferny snapped.
“Look, I didn’t come here to exchange insults with you. Are you going to come quietly, or am I going to pay the landlord for his table after I smash your face through it?” Aragorn asked irritably. He didn’t want to speak to filth like Ferny.
“You do what you want.” Ferny spat. “Just as long as you do it away from me. I’m wanting to finish my beer and not be put off it by your face!” Aragorn cocked an eye attentively as if to ask if that was the best Ferny could do. “So WHO was you your father?” Ferny spat, taking the dare. “I’m surprised anyone would be able to tell! The women of YOUR kind must be desperate! Maybe they sleep with anyone.”
This was not something Aragorn had expected. If he had, he wouldn’t have invited Ferny to insult him again. Ferny took another swig of his beer. But as he did, Aragorn pushed the back of Ferny’s head forward to the table. Ferny almost choked on his beer, and spilt much of it. He was coughing and spluttering. All eyes paid close attention, but looked away as Aragorn glanced at them. CLEARLY Ferny had gone too far. Now they knew what happened if someone crossed the line with the King.
“Teaching you some manners!!” Aragorn snapped back angrily.
Ferny screamed. “You spilt my beer!”
Ferny suddenly thought this was all very funny. He had finally touched a nerve with Strider. Strider didn’t care what people said about him, but couldn’t take an insult to his mother. “I bet she’s a real dog!!!” He snapped. “You’re mother! I bet she’s an ugly cow!!” This didn’t have the same effect. So Ferny unwisely continued. “She probably sleeps with every man she meets! I may have slept–“
Ferny stopped speaking as Aragorn’s fist collided with his face. Many of the onlookers cheered. Aragorn’s fist had been beautifully aimed between the nose and the eye on Ferny’s right side. The nose was broken and the eye would bruise. “Oh ho! That’s going to be a shiner!!!” The landlord laughed. Ferny had fallen off his seat when Aragorn had struck him, and now looked up angrily.
“And this is the King of Gondor!” Ferny spat. “A no good son of a bi–“
Aragorn had grabbed Ferny by the lapels and lifted Ferny holding him at eye level. “One more word against my mother,” Aragorn hissed, “and you’ll learn what it means to be in pain!”
“-tch.” Ferny finished. “Or would you prefer it if I called her a whore?”
Aragorn turned Ferny around and pushed him through the table, true to his word. “How much did your table cost you?” Aragorn asked the landlord.
The landlord didn’t answer. Ferny got up holding a part of the table and swung it Aragorn’s head. Aragorn grabbed his arm, stopping his attempt of assault, then kneed him in the stomach. Ferny fell to his knees cursing loudly. “You’d best shut your mouth Ferny!” The landlord said suddenly.
“Go to Hell!” Ferny snapped, and then cursed at the landlord. For this, Aragorn hit him again. “I wasn’t speaking about you or your mother!” Ferny hissed.
“I told you, I’m teaching you some manners. You stop insulting people, and I’ll stop hitting you.” Aragorn replied. Ferny fell silent. “That’s better.” Aragorn said coldly. “Now where was I before you rudely interrupted me? Oh yes. I remember now. Your charges. You are also charged with ill treatment of animals, consorting with orc-kin, and I’m adding slander to the list. How do you plead?”
“By saying please.” Ferny laughed.
“I’ll take that as guilty.” Aragorn remarked tediously.

Ferny soon found himself back in the dungeon. Bór and Borlach turned up and they came to some agreements with Aragorn. Gimli turned up at a later point to meet Eldarion, but returned to the Glittering Caves at Helm’s Deep. Legolas and Dînesgal returned to Ithilien with Faramir, and the hobbits also returned to their home in the Shire.
Ferny disappeared from the dungeon again, and Aragorn lost his patience declaring that if Ferny was to show himself again, he’d receive a message. The message was to be that he was now exiled from Gondor and Arnor upon pain of death. If Ferny was to show up in the lands after that, he was to be slain. Aragorn had decided that Ferny had caused enough mischief, and felt that an enemy may have somehow got him out the dungeons, so it was likely he could be handing out information to the enemies. This is mind, Aragorn took the necessary precautions.
-A fresh guard with Denethor’s followers excluded from their ranks.

The End.


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Found in Home 5 Reading Room 5 Stories 5 Ruckus to Gain Peace; Part 11 – Bill Ferny

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