(Disclaimer; All characters are JRR Tolkien’s. References are from The Silmarillion and HoME 10 and 12)
“To his sons Finwë gave his own name as he had done to Fëanor. This maybe was done to assert their claim to be his legitimate sons, equal in that respect to his eldest child Kurufinwë Fayanáro, but there was no intention of arousing discord amongst the brothers, since nothing in the judgement of the Valar in any way impaired Fëanor’s position and rights as his eldest son.”
( HoME 12. `The Shibboleth of Fëanor)
House of Curufinwë Fëanáro. Tirion. Seventh Age.
“Let me pass! I will speak with my husband, and now!” The tall (and armed) guard at the heavy carven doors to the great hall was unmoved by my demand! “You have no authority to prevent me from entering a room in my own house!” I persisted. “Let me pass!”
My determined tone, one I had taken successfully on many occasions with my sons, was to no avail. Another two guards walked briskly along the corridor from the scriptorium, and joined the first one. The powerfully built Vëatuo, I recognised from many earlier, and happier, events. From dances and celebrations, aye, from Curvo’s marriage even! I addressed him, instead!
“Captain. This nér* do not seem to know who I am! Though he must be the only one in Tirion without that knowledge!” I felt a growing agitation, for I wished most urgently to speak with Fëanáro regarding the role of Nolofinwë in recent troubles with Ambarussa.
“I am sorry, Lady Nerdanel!” Vëatuo replied, and indeed did he look as if he was unhappy with what he was about to say. “You are not allowed into the great hall at present. There is a counsel underway of your lord and his advisors.”
“Then should I most certainly be in there!” Hard it was for me to suppress my temper, particularly at the thought of what those advisors would likely be saying! Maitimo would ever try to be a voice of reason, I knew; but he alone could not restrain his father’s mood once Fëanáro was set upon a course of action!
“I have orders that you may not enter. This business, it is most serious, and none of the nissi* of the household are to be burdened with it! Not even yourself, or the Lady Nolwen” At those words, did all three guards look grim, knowing no doubt what my reaction would be to such orders! Nonetheless, they stood their ground, for they were more apprehensive of Fëanáro than of me!
“I am not to be burdened with that which concerns my family? We shall see about that!” I retorted, and, turning with an elegant sweep of my russet gown, I made as dignified a retreat as I could. I would not be excluded from meetings of import, not when there were so many who were so eager to fire the blood of my husband further, to fill him with thoughts that would lead only to argument and conflict.
“Always, and always, will I listen to thee, Nerdanel!” That was what he had said to me in the early days of our marriage, and of that did I mean to remind him! But it was not the early days then, it was 1472 of the Years of the Trees, and had I but known it, Morgoth had already been working on his web of entrapment for at least twenty-two* years! A web of lies was that Vala weaving, and one that would set both eldest half-brothers against each other in their growing pride and jealousy
In the beginning, was Fëanáro by no means interested in Nolofinwë! He had been most resentful that he had a half-brother, and bore no great love for him. Once he knew, he had been most resentful that Finwë had given his second son his own name, as indeed Finwë had first given unto him! And he refused most pointedly to visit his father’s house, or to see the newborn child. Too busy was he! To sunken into a mood of ice! But by then did I know how to melt his ice, though on the occasion I mean to write of, was it swiftly replaced by the flame of his temper! From that occasion did I learn that I could in no way heal the hurt caused by Finwë’s second marriage, neither could I, with any claim to loyalty, continue my friendship with Indis! Ai, Fëanáro! I knew the pain you felt, and much did I wish for it not to consume you! If only I had been wiser then, put you first in my thoughts as I had always intended to so do! For in this early wilfulness of mine do I now perceive how I contributed to your hurt, how I later came to fail you so!
Now it happened that, after our marriage, we still lived in the house of the King for a short space of time. This was no easy matter, for though Indis returned to her father’s halls to prepare for her own wedding, her presence was already established in the house and in the heart of Finwë. Yet did I observe that the King’s greatest love was still for his son, and Finwë spoke most encouragingly to Fëanáro, seeking to know of his welfare, and of his work. Also to me did Finwë now speak, and more often, and with greater warmth. Indis had mentioned me to him with high regard, did I think! But Finwë saw with his own eyes the effect I was beginning to have upon his son’s mood, and knew that, at last, was there another who could at times calm and counsel him.
On a particular day, when Fëanáro and I had both intended to be working, and now upon the high tower, did Finwë call me to one side, to meet with him in his own study. Later would I join my husband, and Narwasar, at the place that was fast taking on the form of the house that I now behold. (This house I am in, it has changed but little over the Ages!)
The bright room of the King’s house that I entered was one I had visited many times before, but always with Fëanáro. Never had the King called me to talk with him alone. I was familiar with the main murals, the starlit Cuiviénen on one wall, and a portrayal of Valmar on another! Many scrolls and parchments were stored on wooden racks to one side of the room, for Finwë loved to study, especially the lore of language. However, on this occasion did I first notice that the sculpture of Míriel, which had always held pride of place next to Finwë’s table, was now on a plinth to one side of the parchments. The King followed the direction of my gaze.
“Ah, Nerdanel!” he sighed with understanding of my thoughts. “Of respect for my wife-to-be, do I place that sculpture there! By no means does it imply that Míriel is less in my heart than she was, and Indis knows and understands this!”
My thoughts became spoken words, without perhaps due consideration to the person of the King. “But Fëanáro will not understand! He will perceive this as a slight upon his mother, though he will say not so to you, my lord King!”
Finwë smiled slightly in return, and at my behaviour! “Lady, be not so vehement in rising to the defence of your lord, at least not with his father!” He gestured for me to sit upon one of the carven chairs beside his table, though he remained standing. “But it is of my beloved son that I would speak, and I know that to be with another who seeks ever his good.”
We spoke briefly of how life was progressing, of my thoughts on our home, and on my plans for our gardens. Then Finwë brought the conversation to the point he wished to make.
“Not since Míriel departed us, have I seen my son so at peace. He is not one to ever be truly content, I know, for his very nature does but urge him to seek new horizons, new discoveries. Yet with you, lady, is he often of a calmer spirit!” Finwë crossed to the windows of the room, and for a moment seemed lost in thought. Mayhap he had some foresight himself at that moment, for he uttered, “To me shall he always be first, aye, even before Indis, though I hope not to ever make such a choice!” He turned back to me, his blue-grey eyes sharpening with focus. “Nerdanel, there is that which lies before us as a family that I know well will grieve Fëanáro. I know that he perceives aught to do with Indis as a slight upon his mother. Of that now must I speak with you, and ask of your support!”
“Of course, my King!” I was as keen as he to seek a way forward in this matter, for did not Fëanáro live and work alongside me with joy and delight, save that sometimes, when we took rest, would he lay as if in shadow, and I would hold him in my arms as best I could, and speak comfort and love to him, until he slept. So strange it was; for at all other times was he filled in abundance with life and with strength.
“I will wed with the Lady Indis, as I have so planned” Finwë continued, “For with her I find my heart is light again, and I have joy. With her do I hope in time, to have more children added unto me. Now do I know that you and Indis have a good understanding, each of the other and may become fast friends. This I would encourage as a means to healing the breach that does otherwise seem unavoidable. For will you not speak with my son of her, and gently, and over much time, that he may come to understand for himself that she does not replace his mother; that he is still greatly loved, and that I mean to cause no discord in my family!”
I looked down, lost in thought, to my hands and to that slender gold ring upon my finger that was a sign of my commitment to Fëanáro. But did I not wish to do what Finwë asked, even before he had so spoken! “My King, I will ever seek to do what you request, but you know at least as well as I the depths of your son’s pain. I may ardently seek his healing, and a healing in the rift between he and Lady Indis, but I know not if it can be done with any certainty.”
“That you try is all I may ask!” Finwë moved to the side table, to pour himself a drink, and to offer one to me. I nodded assent, and he continued. “Few will my son heed, fewer still those from whom he will take counsel! He is sure of himself, and rightly so, but do not all of us need to hear the voices of others! He will listen to me, and sometimes to Ecthelion or to some of the Loremasters, but mostly does he listen to his own heart! Now do I notice, Lady, that he listens also to you! And I better understand why he wed with you, for you have the soft form and character of a nís that he craves, yet also the strength of a nér that will be his friend, and staunch ally, and not demure at speaking your mind, even to him! But may it be, that between us we can restore harmony, and before any greater hurt is caused!”
At that did my face redden, as Finwë had spoken truly in many respects! Yet even then did I consider that, though Finwë greatly loved his son, his determination to have his own way, and so soon, showed he did not understand Fëanáro as well as he thought!
As is well recorded, the wedding of Finwë and Indis was not in the least pleasing to my husband. Though he had known it would be thus, he had known that Finwë would not alter once his mind had decided upon an action, nor would come to his senses, yet was the actual ceremony still one of perceived humiliation to him.
“Can you not wish your father happiness at least, Fëanáro?” I had tried of my best to speak reason with him, to calm him least his fire prevail, to warm him least it was his ice. No easy nér was he, but ever complex! He had frowned at me, with that look he gave when he believed I was not fully supportive of him.
“Still do you not understand, vessë!*”
But I did understand! I understood that the better course to follow was one where he remained close to his father, and, in time to come, grew more accepting of the place Indis held!
“Mayhap I do not understand as well as you wish me to, beloved, but consider, your coldness grieves your father, and on a day he should be happy.”
“My mother, is she happy?” he replied, turning from my argument to bury himself in the study of one of Rúmil’s works.
“Not always is the easy road before us!” I persisted. “But I ask now if thou doest love thy father, Finwion?”
He had no recourse but to answer, `Yea, it is so!” though his eyes berated me for misuse of my knowledge of him! And we attended the wedding, though kept well in the background!
I had tried to imagine how I would have felt in his situation, were Urundil to wed again! But I do not think that I could truly empathise with something I knew to be impossible in my life. My mother would not leave us! None died then in Aman, save for Míriel!
The wedding itself was a wonderful occasion, though less grand than may have been supposed. This was the uniting of two of the noblest of the Eldar, yet it was not forgotten that this marriage was unique! Indis was radiant in her joy, far more even than usual, and almost in direct proportion to that joy did I sense the growing displeasure of my husband; his will in this matter totally disregarded. Yet was he proud, and would not give cause for any to say that the son of Finwë knew not how to behave, knew not what it was to be noble. He would not give cause to the visiting Vanyar to slight in any way their Noldor hosts! Ecthelion was ever observant of his friend, and he tried with words and with distractions to ease that day, but by the time we departed, to leave Finwë and Indis to their own union, was Fëanáro but barely in control of himself.
He would not stay in the same house; in no way would he sleep under the roof of that place wherein his father was now bound to another! Neither did he find solace in the work of our home, it being still to close, to near to that which was for him an abomination. “I cannot bear that I should come upon them, and they fawning over each other in this unnatural relationship!” he had spoken. Though I did not agree with him, yet did I understand.
So we departed Tirion, and took horses, and rode far out beyond Valmar! Truly did he wish to be alone in his distress, and I gave him the space he needed, to roam away into the green hills and forests of that land. I had much to think on myself, knowing how nigh impossible would it be to bring him to the place I desired, to bring him to accept Indis!
I wandered in thought, and along the edges of a series of deep, silver lakes, where tall blue firs grew almost to the golden shores. And I again felt peace. So it was, when Fëanáro returned to me, somewhat subdued, that I could better offer him solace, and comfort, and turn his thoughts to a brighter future.
“Our house is built well enough for us to dwell in. Shall we not seek to live therein, while we complete the ornamentation and the gardens? Are the workrooms not ready, and awaiting us, my lord?”
He took my face between his hands, gently, and looked into my eyes as if into my heart. “Thou art my loyal wife, this I know! But I must say to thee now what I will! Always, and always, will I listen to thee, Nerdanel! Thou may speak with me of whatever thoughts thou wilt. But never art thou to mention the name of that Vanya in my house! I will not allow it!”
He must have seen hesitation in my eyes, and perhaps felt my annoyance at his order, but he held my gaze until I nodded acceptance of his words. Then did he reach out in fëa to confirm my acquiescence, and we were as one!
Little did he issue commands then, and little did I wish him to! Never had I been inclined to take orders from anyone, and, as my father’s daughter, had never been required to. But I knew how important this was to my husband, and would seek not to debate it further at that time.
Over the following few years, life continue much as I wished. We grew to know and understand each other better; the bond of our fëar was strengthened, that we could often communicate with ease and without words. And always was Fëanáro’s mind at work on one plan or another. That he drew me up with him in mastery of skills was something I honoured him for, though never was I to match him in any area, save sculpting. I thought then, as I do now, that he took pleasure in having to wife one who could wield a hammer and work in a forge with more strength than many neri. That other’s thought this strange, he cared not!
Our house was complete within the first year, for we worked ever swiftly upon it. Then did I see to that which was to fill it, and to design, but we had no longer any sense of urgency upon us. I did not speak to Fëanáro of Indis at all, for I respected his wishes, and thought that, eventually, things may yet change. But in this did I now feel a disloyalty to Finwë, and to his request of me! Often did I desire to meet again with Indis, and to speak and laugh with her, and to take up again that friendship which had begun between us. Only rarely did we visit the halls of Finwë, and at times did I contrive a short conversation with my Vanya friend, but ever did Fëanáro look upon with me with disapproval when I did so!
Two years after the wedding, was Indis with child! As I have said earlier, Fëanáro grew in resentment, and would not speak of his prospective half-sibling, either. At that point did he argue again with his father, and we did not even speak with Finwë for some time. Then the announcement of the birth of the child arrived by messenger, and our presence was asked for, to join with the King and his Queen in celebration of the birth of their daughter, Findis!
I have also recorded earlier my husbands reaction to this news, that he seemed mightily pleased with himself, and announced “So, King Finwë has a daughter” in such a manner that I took it as a slight upon all nissi. I would not respond to him in any manner for a few days after such behaviour, neither to call of words or fëa! So did we have our first disagreement!
I had, on that instance, over reacted, for I was young and opinionated, and still somewhat foolish! I came to understand that his joy was because he perceived a daughter as no direct threat to his relationship with his father. “He will love her, of a certainty, but not in the same way he loves a son. It is a different love, though not necessarily a lesser one!” (But he thought it would be lesser! And he was right, though Findis was to love her father greatly!)
Fëanáro was not interested in Findis! He came with me, eventually, to see her, though more to see his father! While he and Finwë talked, did we nissi retire to the gardens, and I tried to compensate for much lost time in conversation. I had smiled at the babe, and would have held her in my arms, but I knew not when Fëanáro would return and did not wish for him to come across me cradling Indis’ child. Both Indis and I regretted the enforced breach in our friendship, and hoped for a time when we could speak more freely and more frequently.
“Would you tell your husband, tell King Finwë that I am sorry to have failed him so far! I do seek for understanding between us all, but it is most difficult!” I had said to her.
Never did Indis reproach Fëanáro to my hearing, and I think she never did so to anyone’s hearing. She knew her presence in Finwë’s life caused him grief, and was sorry that they could not be better friends. But at that time did she, like I, think things might yet change. Change they did, and for the worse! In the Year of the Trees, 1190, Indis gave birth to a son, to he who was later named Nolofinwë!
Now was this event the one I mentioned earlier, and that which was to make me consider most seriously my loyalties.
After our visit to Finwë to see his daughter, were he and Fëanáro much closer again. Almost as if Finwë had never married it was! But still did we visit the King rarely indeed. More time did we spend with my parents, in the dwellings of the Aulenduri; for there my husband found much to interest him. And Aulë also did we visit, now as a couple. The Vala always made us most welcome, and bestowed gifts upon us. He would tell us something of the earlier days, knowing our interests, and show us those things he was working on. He would take Fëanáro even to his forge, and teach him certain skills, and encourage him in his work. But Fëanáro was also much interested in language at that time, and was beginning to study more often the works of Rúmil, and what he considered their inadequacies.
When Indis was again with child, my lord became perturbed. That this would be a son, he felt most strongly. Of course he was right. When the messenger arrived at our house with the news of the birth, Fëanáro told him to return straight away, and with no message to his father. He went to his workroom and would not answer, not even to me, for a day. When he did emerge, he was in a mood of ice, and would not be placated by Ecthelion, nor by Alcarin, both of whom had sought to visit. Silwë came next to our house, to seek an answer to Finwë’s message that Fëanáro attend him at his halls. ” Be gone! I will not give heed to you this day, or any other!” And Silwë continued to be no friend of Fëanáro’s!
So was it to me to try and breach the wall my lord had put around himself. I found him in his study, and though I sensed well enough that atmosphere of resentment that he put forth, his need for comfort in his pain drew me on. I remember how apprehensive I was then, for though I knew him, knew his moods and inclinations, I knew that this event would he turn in upon himself, as a matter of dark brooding, if he were not brought to a place of greater consideration, and soon.
“Beloved, may I speak with thee?” I had crossed the floor to him, and stood near the window seat upon which he reclined. He did not answer me, but lowered his head to appear engrossed in reading.
“Finwion!” I continued, using the name to which he nigh always responded. “Thou didst say that always would thou listen to me! That is all I ask of thee!” I lay a hand lightly upon his arm, a gesture of comfort and understanding. Though he said it not, he liked to be touched so!
Raising his head again to face me, he moved to sit in a more upright position. He put down the book he had held, and with a sigh, placed a hand over mine. ” Nerdanel, you cannot help me! Leave me be to think on this matter!”
But his words said one thing and his demeanour another! I knew from his gesture that I would win this encounter. “Mayhap I cannot help thee, but what sort of wife would I be if I sought not to try! I understand the distress thou dost feel, but am of a certainty that this son is not to thy father, what thou art to him! Would thou hear me further?”
He drew a deep breath, but I had his interest, albeit a slight interest. “Speak then, Lady!”
“From the first we knew of Indis, did we know of the likelihood of children, of more sons and of daughters of thy father! Now this has come to pass! But ever are thou first in thy father’s heart!”
He laughed ruefully at my words. “So doest thou always say to me! But now he has another son, and one whose mother is still with him! Mayhap, as that son grows, he will usurp the love that is now mine!”
“Ai! Jealousy of a babe does not become thee, my Lord! Thou are far beyond him, though great he may grow to be!” I retorted, knowing from both the words of Elemáine and from the implication of Finwë, that this was likely to be true. “First thou art with thy father, and ever will be! And now beloved of Aulë also, that he deems my own father’s skills as great, but lesser than thine own!”
The smile that touched his lips grew into something more heartfelt. ” I know the game thou doest play, wife! Still will I not visit that house, neither pay homage to this new Prince!”
“I would expect no less of thee!” I made to pull him to his feet, and into a willing embrace, for he was ready to be reasoned with, and glad I was that he would hear me. After a few moments, he led me through the doors into the garden, and we walked along the highest level of the terrace, past the fountain and rose garden. “I know not what to do, Nerdanel! I cannot be as my father wishes. Too painful it is to watch the joy he now has with his new family!”
“Then let me go in your stead!” I suggested that which I had planned from the start. A chance to see the new babe, but to see Findis and Indis and even Finwë himself, was what I desired. “I shall make it known that you are occupied, but have bidden me visit in your place.”
Fëanáro was not so easily fooled, never was he easily fooled apart from by Morgoth!
“So you may visit with your friend?”
I blushed with embarrassment that my deception was so transparent. “You know such a friendship will please me not, Lady. But never have you mentioned her, and I trust you to speak not of me to her, nor to betray me in any manner!” He was most serious in his words, but not reproachful. “Visit my father’s house then. And tell me of him upon your return, but of the others I do not wish to hear.”
So it came to pass that I alone paid visit to the halls of Finwë, and warm was my welcome, though the King looked saddened that his elder son had not also come to visit. A joyful day did we have, and in the house this time. I had visited the room wherein the small child, whom Finwë had decided to call Finwë, after himself, and indeed, the same name he had at first called Fëanáro, was resting.
“Arakáno!” had Indis whispered to me, “I shall name him, Arakáno, for he will be a commander, a lesser chief of our people! I had wondered at her choice of name, `high commander’, it did not sound as if she thought her son would be lesser in anything! But was that not what any parent thought of their own child? Did I not fully agree when Fëanáro named Maitimo, Nelyafinwë! (Third Finwë was my Maitimo! Third in succession, after Finwë and himself, did Fëanáro mean. And in no uncertain terms!)
But the day was a happy one. I spoke with the two-year* old Findis, who was dark of hair as her father, but had the grace and ease of manner of her Vanya mother. A quietly spoken and thoughtful child was she, and one I wished I had known better in her early youth. We retired to the hall to partake of a meal, of a variety of mouth-watering foods, and I realised how much I had missed the company of Fëanáro’s family. I determined then that we should see more of those close to us, of Ecthelion and Serewen, who by then were recently married, of those other friends of Fëanáro’s that he sometimes had time for, even for Alcarin, and mayhap Rúmil! Why, he would make for a most interesting guest!
Then had the babe been brought down to the hall, to his mother, for he had awoken and was also hungry. King Finwë and his companions left us, to walk in the gardens, and talk of celebrations, and of plans for the coming festival of mettarë. With him went Findis, who ran, light of foot, at her Sire’s side, and took his hand in an affectionate gesture. The attendants left with the empty platters, and after providing a flagon of cordial, left the hall entirely. So Indis and I had another chance to speak in private, and when he had finished feeding, she placed the babe, Finwë, upon my lap.
“When do you think to have children of your own?” Her question could be construed as impertinent, but never was Indis impertinent. She saw the look of delight on my face, and how I cradled and cooed to her child, and her thoughts followed but on her observations.
“Soon enough, when my lord deems I am ready,” I answered with a laugh. I had not meant to disparage Fëanáro, but on that day of company and light heartedness, I wanted this joy for myself. As ever in my youth, I wanted everything!
“Then you must visit us in the meanwhile, as often as you may. My daughter would know you better, and my son, when he grows should know of his close kin with fondness!”
“I would be known with such to him!” I replied, thinking on the love in my own family, and the closeness I had known amongst the Aulenduri. I rose to my feet, still holding the now smiling babe to me, and made as if to dance in happiness across the floor, the long skirts of my gown floating outwards as I moved. Indis smiled at my joy, and began to sing a song for me to dance to. “I wish most strongly that Fëanáro would be happy to visit, that we could be together as the family we are!” I exclaimed to her.
I should not have been so unguarded. I should have remembered my purpose in being there that day! But I was not to know that my earlier words had touched my husband’s conscience, and that he would decide to visit King Finwë himself. So hurt did he look, as he stood at the door to the hall, watching me dance with his half-brother in a delighted abandon. So betrayed by my careless actions and words.
“Prince Fëanáro! You are most welcome!” Indis instantly perceived the problem. She spoke into the sudden silence, and then rose to her feet and made to swiftly take Finwë from my arms, “I shall fetch your father immediately! I am so pleased you have come to visit us!” But as she left, did she murmur her babe’s name unto him, and Fëanáro raised his head sharply, his eyes narrowing and the hurt replaced by fast rising temper.
“Finwë! She calls her son Finwë?”
“Nay, my lord. Your father has named him so!” I answered him. I knew the implications; I knew that Fëanáro would see this as a personal insult! Ai, what to do! For a moment he stood, fixated, pondering what action to take. To have come to the halls at all meant he wanted to please his father. But beholding me so, hearing me speak of him to Indis, and most certainly hearing the babe’s name had all taken a toll on his mood.
“We are leaving, and now! Come, Nerdanel!” His tone was one that would brook no argument. Before he could turn on his heels, Finwë entered the hall, and without Indis. But too late it was then for explanations, for anything that would restrain the fire of Fëanáro’s anger.
“My King and father”! Fëanáro bowed stiffly, managing to retain just enough composure to acknowledge the one he loved most. “Please excuse us from your presence, we must go!”
He would not speak to anyone further, and I hoped that Finwë understood. Glad was I that there had only been the three of us in the hall to witness such behaviour. Fëanáro and I left immediately, and I just having time to make a most apologetic curtsey to the frowning King.
Fëanáro would not speak to me on our journey home, though I could feel the heat of his anger, and knew he would control it but with difficulty. Again did he seek solitude, though now so as to vent his feelings without causing great concern to me. I heard him smashing objects; half finished sculpting, stonework, and glasswork onto the floor of his workroom. And in my fëa, though he spoke not to me in that way either, could I feel a consuming rage.
When at last I felt he had nigh exhausted himself, I dared to approach him again. He sat by a workbench; head down and upon his folded arms. He knew I was there. ” You betrayed me, even you, who know my heart more than any! My father, he gives his name to this second son, as he gave it to me! Am I no longer his son? And you speak and laugh and sing with Indis, and hold that child to you as if he were your own!”
There was little I could say then; my earlier words had shown how little I had considered my husband’s wishes against my own wilfulness to enjoy the company of Indis. I sat down beside him, tentatively placing my arms around his waist and trying to draw him to me. He flinched slightly, but allowed the touch.
“Dost thou love me, Nerdanel”? He spoke at last, though did not make to move.
That he felt the need to ask wounded me then, so that I never wished to hurt him again. “Aye, my lord, I love thee more than anything!”
He seemed to ponder my reply for a few moments. “Well, then, wilt thou not do as I bid thee”?
Always, until the very last years, could he control me thus, not by any attempt at bending me to his will through argument, or through the innate power of his being, but by that appeal to my heart. The same appeal I had used on him regarding his father!
“I am so very sorry, Finwion! Never again will I betray thee!” I spoke in fëa to him. More vain words were they! For always did I miss my friendship with Indis, and seek her company when I could, But I tried most earnestly to cause Fëanáro no more grief, to give him no further reason to think I would betray him in any way. So did we overcome that incident, and in a short time we were happy again, and for many years was it so. He knew of my friendship with Indis, and could not bring himself to sanction or forbid it. Only that it caused him much displeasure, did he make well known!
In time, was Indis to bear further children to Finwë, but none were to have the effect that the birth of Nolofinwë had upon us. And then, in the Year of the Trees 1210, were Fëanáro and I to have a child of our own!
nér = He-elf
nissi = She-elves
vessë = wife
* Valinorian years.