Boyfriend from Dunland!!! – Part Two

by Feb 19, 2003Stories

(Continued By Rosey)

Frodo screamed, as he heard the spiked freak run after him, and attempted to run away. Frantically, he ripped off his bonds, and tore off his blindfold. Advancing on him he saw green spikes, and just as he was about to dispare, he heard a strange noise. Jerking his head up, he saw a figure, falling out of the sky.
“Oh! My word! Look!”

Frodo, dumfounded, pointed up to the sky. Distracted, the punk glanced up. The figure was just above him, and SPLAT! The thing fell flat on the spiked punk, who screamed with pain.

The man, for it was a man, said “Lawks! I’d forgotten to pull my parachute string! Well, at least I’d had a cushioned landing.”

“Who…who…are you?” Frodo asked, flabbergasted.

“I’m Peter Jackson, but you can call me PJ. I’m looking for my cast for a movie I’m making. Have you seen….Hey! Elijah, buddy! How come’s you out in the wilderness here, hey?”

“Hey, it’s a Little Fat Hobbit Man! And what do you want with Frodo?” Pippin demanded.

PJ, or Little Fat Hobbit Man, looked confused for a second. “Why, he’s the main man, and… why Billy! I’ve been missing you, too!”

Before Pippin could retort, Aragorn stepped in: “I thank you for saving my friend, sir. But I believe we must be going on our way. Good Day! –And you, spiked one, will be held by the elves!”

Spiked Punk: “Nooo! NO! They haven’t got any hair gel! NOOO!”

Frodo: “Well, you know you were, like, cruis’n for a bruis’n–whup!”

All of the fellowship stare at Frodo, who immediately turns red.

Frodo: Well, I , like, couldn’t help it. Do you dig me? YAHHH!

Out of habit of using it for difficult situations, Frodo slips the ring on.

The Fellowship: NOOOOO! Take it off!

Frodo appears again, but to the fellowship’s horror, his hair is spiked! Frodo thrusts his hands in his hair, trying to flatten it as much as he could.

Frodo: OUCH! My hand! Yikes, blood! I cut my hand with my hair– I’m a freak! AUGHHHHHHHH!

Frodo runs around in circles, and then suddenly takes off deeper in the woods.

Aragorn: He will soon become one of them… unless, maybe the Lady of the Wood can help him…

(Continued by Emily)

After the disappearance of Frodo, the fellowship splits up in looking for him. Boromir and Sam find Haldir, who has been knocked unconscious and stabbed by spiked hair.

Aragorn , Pippin, and Merry find tracks of a strange vehicle, which somehow is able to drive on its own, without horses…. and all along its trail, there are little paper cards, marked with “PJ”…

Legolas sits near the scene of the attack, nursing a wounded shoulder. Suddenly, another punk shows up, right next to Legolas. He has an odd hairdo and some tattoo referring to some movie about a ring. Oddly, he seems slightly familiar… Legolas immediately draws his knife.

Legolas: Stand back, foul beast! Crawl back into the slimy pit from which you slithered.

Punk: Now is that, like, any way to talk to me? We should be, like, right on close buds.

Legolas: Why should I ever join the likes of you? You almost killed me.

Punk: No, Legolas. I AM you….

Legolas: No, …no ! That’s not possible!!!

Punk: Search your feelings, you know it’s , like, true. I’m Orlando Bloom, the you of a different dimension. Isn’t that like, far out?

Legolas’ face turns red with anger, fluster and fear all at the same time. At this time, Gimli appears and seeing the punk, runs to attack. The punk, seeing his peril, departs with these words: “Like , I’ll be back man! You’ll know it too! Remember, you can’t , like, ignore yourself all the time!”

Gimli arrives, looking confused. “What WAS he talking about?”

Legolas: Come, Gimli… We must find the Ringbearer!

Continued by Rosey

Frodo sits up. “Ow, my head….” As he rubs his head, he feels cuts on his hands. Then, feeling the stickiness of blood on his face, he searches for something to look in. Seeing a puddle underneath a willow tree, he gasps at the face which gazes back at him. Suddenly, he remembers how he was running madly through the woods, and didn’t notice the huge tree in front of him till he had come upon it…
“Oh, look, my front spikes are smashed flat by hitting into that tree. Sweet, man!”

“Welcome, Frodo of the Shire.”

Looking around him, he sees a lady all in white approach him. He could tell that she was an elf of high blood. She smiled at him, as he tried to cover his hair with his hood.

“I see that the evil is already overtaking you… if you wish, I will help you.”

“Well, lady, I would do, like, anything to be my usual self again.”

“Good. Come.”
Her robes sweeping as she turned, she lead him to a clearing. The clear, tinkling splash of a spring greeted his ears.

“Will you look into the mirror?”

“Well, like, what will I see, man?”

“Even the wisest cannot tell; things that were; things that are; and some things, that have not yet come to pass.”

“Gee, first I gotta know your name, lady.”

“I am Galadriel, the Lady of the Wood. Aragorn has often mentioned my name.”

“Oh, yeah, and you’re the chick the punk that done in Gandalf was talking about.”

Giving Frodo a puzzled look, Galadriel carefully poured the crystal water into a basin, as beautifully carved as the urn.

Frodo walked up, and gazed into the water. As the ripples stilled, he made out the forms of his friends… Merry, Pippin, Sam… they had strangely changed… their hair was cut short, so short that it stuck up at the top… Merry had grown a beard, which is rare for hobbits… their clothing was strange and foreign to Frodo’s eye, and the pants had pockets all over them… the shirts were plain, yet unlike the common style… the water clouded, and he saw what appeared to be Legolas; his hair caught at Frodo the most…all of it was gone, but for one strip straight down the center of his head, which — by means unknown to Frodo — was made to stick up!

Frodo sighed with relief as the pool changed to a pleasant scene: the Floating Log tavern. The tables and chairs looked rounded and hospitable in the warm light of the fire. Old Will Boffit bustled about, serving brown earthen mugs filled with rich, amber ale, foaming at the top. Someone struck up a ballad, and everyone joined in the chorus; but just then, the cozy scene clouded… but again it showed the old tavern; Frodo stared aghast as the wooden tables and chairs were replaced with metal and plastic! In place of the old bartender, a dirty man in black stood behind the counter with a blank stare. There were men, dressed in tatters, playing strange instruments; meanwhile, they contorted their bodies in weird shapes, swinging to the time of the beat.

As Frodo looked into the crowd, he caught sight of a familiar face; as he searched the face, trying to see who it was, the pool magnified. To his ghastly astonishment, he realized it was himself, swinging along just like the rest of them. He heard Galadriel speak softly behind him: “That is what will happen, should you fail…..”

Suddenly, the scene was engulfed in a red light, and far away, Frodo saw the Eye, which grew, and took the whole face of the pool. Frodo felt the ring pulling on the chain, pulling toward the eye. Unable to hold back, Frodo fell forward into the pool, and was surrounded by darkness…

(Continued by Emily)

Frodo suddenly feels his feet pulled; for, Galadriel, with her sleeves rolled up, pulled as hard as she could on his ankles, since only his feet stuck out of her mirroring pool. Quite frightened and shook up, Frodo is jerked out, and falls to the ground.

Frodo: Oh, I’m so sorry! Forgive my insolence; ’twas not that I meant to act uncordially!

Galadriel: Ah, it is done. . . the elves have done their part in this war. I may now diminish into the West, and remain Galadriel.

Frodo : I beg pardon? Of what do you speak?

Galadriel : Do you not see? Look into the pool, Frodo.

Frodo ponders for a moment, then gazes into the pool from which Galadriel had drawn her water. There to his amazement, he sees himself, an ordinary hobbit with no punk attributes about him. His hair is back to the normal style of the Shire; his arm no longer has the faint marks of an appearing tattoo. He reflects back to his previous words, of which the word “like” was never spoken. And his hand ,before cut deeply with the wound from stroking his hair, was now completely healed, save for a light scar.

Frodo : Oh! Thank you, thank you! How can I ever repay you, m’lady?! Frodo turn around, to see to his astonishment, that the beautiful lady has vanished.

Frodo wandered about the wood, not knowing where to turn. After the white lady had left, he attempted to find the rest of the Fellowship, but to no avail. Seeing a hobbit-figure ahead, Frodo ran forth to meet him; however, Frodo didn’t know this hobbit, though he looked very familiar. The hobbit turned around, as he heard Frodo’s footsteps, and Frodo was aghast to see his very own face. The hobbit was perfectly identical to Frodo in every way.

“Hey, dude, like, do you know, like where we are?”

Frodo just stared at him.

“Well, I like, asked you a question…”

Frodo broke forth in to in a line of stuttering, getting nowhere at all.

“Man, this is a real geek bonus alright! I’m, like, lost in this like tree place, where there’s not, like, one McDonald’s around! Have you seen a dude named Peter Jackson? Tell him that Eli Wood won’t play the part until he like raises the pay. And I mean that, dude!”

Frodo trembles so hard his teeth chatter, and then screams, “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Taking off, Frodo runs past Elijah, looking over his shoulder to see if the punk followed.

Elijah Wood called after him, “Hey, watch out there, man! There’s a couple of freaks that way, swords and all…they were chasing me and calling me like, something , like, Froto! Loonies!”

And looking ahead, Frodo saw the rest of the Fellowship.

The Fellowship were pleased to find Frodo healed, and marveled at the tale of the White Lady. After a brief rest, whereas Haldir and Legolas recovered their strength, they went forth to the realm of Lothlorien….


As the fellowship reached the top of the long, winding stair, Frodo started as he recognized Galadriel. She smiled at him, as she and Celeborn descended yet another stair in front of them.

“Eight I see, yet nine was the number that had left Rivendel, or so had the messages run. Tell me, where is Gandalf the Grey, to whom I very much wish to speak?”

Aragorn, full of grief, looked at the ground as he spoke, “He has fallen into shadow.” Celeborn started in dismay, while numbers of elves surrounding him gasped.

“These are evil tidings,” said Celeborn, “indeed, long have the years passed since grievous deeds of this measure have echoed in these halls. Come, tell us this tale of woe.”

Legolas’ face was dark, and he turned away from the light of the elves, “It was the Boyfriend of Morgoth, of all elf-banes the most deadly, save the one who sits in the Dark Tower. Alas! I have long feared that terror slept under Moria.”

The Fellowship glanced at each other sorrow. Suddenly, the silence was broken, “Have you got any apples in the place? I daresay I should deserve one after all we’ve been through…was a pity that I had only packed five.”

Galadriel smiled, and dismissed the warning looks Aragorn gave Pippin. She spoke gently: “Do not let your stomachs be troubled! Tonight, you shall eat in peace.”

“Hooray! A full meal!” Pippin hugged Merry, who fell over, and both rolled into Boromir; Borormir hit into Gimli who bumped into Aragorn who tripped into Sam and Frodo, who knocked over Legolas. CRASH– They all went bumping down the stairs, rolling over each other. “OUCH, get your elbow away from my ribs, Aragorn!” “Move your Tookish foot away from my mouth! I’m not that hungry!” “Blasted Elf! Let go of my beard!”

They landed in a heap at the bottom of the huge staircase. Merry groaned, “I think I broke somthin’….ooh!” He moved his leg, which shifted Aragorn, and then the whole heap started rolling again. SPLASH! Boromir wriggled free and stood up, knee-deep in a brook. He stopped Gimli from strangling Legolas (who was sitting on Aragorn). Suddenly, Boromir was alerted by a strange sound, a sound that he could not identify, but it sent shivers up his spine.

(Continued by Emily)


(It was, as we would refer to of today, the sound made by an ice cream truck; however, the Fellowship was unaware of this modern-day invention)

“What was that?” inquired Merry

“Whatever it was, it wasn’t the grumpy dwarf! The noise scared me, not insulted me!” retorted Legolas, as he finally managed to pull himself off of Aragorn and was now dusting himself off.

“Then what was it, my good intelligent companions?” asked Pippin, annoyed at the shocked state of the Fellowship.

Aragorn gave Pippin yet another stern look. “You must not be sore at us, Pippin,” he said. “We were trying to recover from the fall which a certain Took started in the first place, (uh-hem). ….But in truth, I fear that I have heard such a melody before, and I do not wish to counter it… Let us head back into the confines of the lady’s protection.”

Still grumbling, they grudgingly followed their swift leader back into the woods as fast as they could. Little did they know however, that the thing which Aragorn feared so greatly, was waiting for them in the solitude of the shadows…

(continued by Rosey)

The Fellowship arrived at the top of the stair a second time: this time groaning and rubbing bruises and cuts.

“Come, I will let my guards attend to whatever seeks you. You are worn with much sorrow and toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace.” Galadriel motioned for them to go inside, and followed them in.

That evening, the Fellowship prepared to rest– though the hobbits (save the ringbearer) were already asleep.

Frodo stood up out of his blankets, feeling a strange presence nearby. He tiptoed around the heads of Pippin and Sam, then froze as he heard a mumbling voice– “Apples, mushrooms, Lembas, oh, my….” It’s Pipppin, thought Frodo with relief as he saw the curly head of hobbit move under the blankets.

Suddenly, the Noise he had heard earlier sounded again, yet louder, and much nearer by.

Spinning around, Frodo beheld Peter Jackson, or Little Fat Hobbit Man. (The Fellowship had taken to referring to him as “Little Fat Hobbit Man”. He was driving an ice cream truck — he must have picked it up somewhere along the way; probably from some wandering sales-elf — and was charging straight towards Frodo, shouting “Elijah, buddy, you’re gonna play the role whether you like it or not!”

Frodo yelled in dismay, and scrambled in the opposite direction. “NOOOO! Nooooo! Aragorn! Aragorrrrrrn!!!!!”

In his flight, he stumbled and fell, and the truck advanced toward him. Putting his hand in his pocket, he slipped on the ring, and vanished. Just near his head, Little Fat Hobbit Man’s Ice Cream truck roared past. Frodo took off the ring, and, either from fright or the smoke that issued from the truck, lost conciousness.

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli leapt into the clearing, and yelled as they saw the escaping ice cream truck. Aragorn ran ahead, and tripped over a something on the ground. “Frodo? Is that you? Can you talk? Frodo!”

(Continued by ROSEY)

When Frodo came to, he found himself in a room somewhere in Lothlorien’s town. “Ooooh, my head…” Then he started, and shouted, “The Ring ! Where is it! My precious, where is it?” He frantically started searching his pockets, and then felt the chain around his neck. “Ahhh. Good.”

He slumped back against the pillows, and looked up to see Aragorn looking at him despairingly. “Alright, Frodo, what’s wrong? Come on, you can talk to me. You aren’t getting, um, the symptoms of the ring, are you?” Aragorn ran his fingers through Frodo’s hair, and sighed with relief. “Good. Now, can we finally get OUT OF LOTHLORIEN!!?!”

Knock-knock. Someone was knocking at the door. Aragorn answered it, and an elf in a suit and tie walked in. He was wearing a big cheesy grin, and was holding a suitcase. “Hello, I’m selling Crest White Strips. These high-class teeth whiteners are your ticket to success! No payment till Yule!! You also get thirty minutes free on America Online. This is a limited time offer, you-“

Aragorn and Frodo simultaneously groaned, and Aragorn held the wimpy elf by his collar. “If you wish to make profit, go to yonder orc camp. Heed my, words, please SCRAM!”

Before Aragorn could toss the elf out, the doorbell rang. Still holding the sales-elf, he opened the door.

“Good morning, sir, I have your laundry.”

“Set it on the table. And you, now-“


“Hello, there, Aragorn, we were just checking on Frodo. May we come in?” Merry, Pippin, and Sam shoved their way into the room.


This time Merry answered it, since he was the only one who could reach the door.

“Howdy, mister, I work for Ford Explorer. We currently are having a sweepstakes for this year 3019 model. Would you like to enter? I have the car here, and can show you it-“

“Sure, sure, the more the merrier!” Pippin answered cheerfully. “Aragorn won’t mind!” The sales-elf and his car promptly drove into the room.

The door opened again, and in came Gimli and Legolas. “My, my, Aragorn, you certainly have company!” Gimli chuckled, and charged headfirst into the mob.

The door flew open yet again, and Boromir breathlessly stood there. “Aragorn! Come, quickly! We received a bill from Elrond in the mail! It says its billing us for medical care, bedding, and meals.” Boromir looked across the heads of the crowd, and seeing Aragorn across the room, he began plowing through.

The door opened again, and the head of Yoda poked in.

“Excuse me, but tell me, you must!” the little Jedi-master said, with a concerned look. “Have you seen a certain battle of Jedi and droids? Worries me, it does. We should have asked for directions! Borrow your phone, may I?” Yodo jumped on top of the heads of the crowd, and reached the phone. Behind him, a whole army of clones marched in. Immediately, chaos took place.

“Sir, do you want me to wash a next load of laundry?”

“Alright, Pippin, just where did you hide the apples?”

“I’m tellin’ you, mister, you ain’t doin’ but good to enter this here sweepstakes.”

“Look, Aragorn, $10! What does this Elrond think we are, made out of money?”

“These White-strips are guaranteed to please. If not, just refund them, and get your money back!”

“Have long-distance, you must. Paid your phone bill, have you?”

Suddenly, a silence was cast over the whole mob. The door was opened, and in walked Galadriel, the Lady of the Wood.



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