As Middle Earth Turns (A Parody) – Episode 3

by Apr 17, 2003Stories

Elenya turned towards Legolas and embraced him. She felt his strong arms and chiseled torso.

“Be safe,” she whispered. “I love you.”

“I know I wish I didn’t have to leave you, but I must go rescue Aragorn’s daughter. I’m the only one who can make it. The guards will not treat a woman well. And besides, the princess trusts me.”

“Yes,” she sighed. “I will miss you dearly.”

“Good bye, my love!” And the elf was gone.

She went to sleep, (I know elves don’t really sleep…just go with it) comforted in the thought of Legolas’ fidelity.

She woke in the midst of the cold night. The moon shone through her window. She had had a troubling dream that she could not know remember, and woke with anxiety. She longed to see the elf she loved.

She was now fully awake and ran down the hall outside the room.

She went outside of the little shed and ran to the wall surrounding the evil Prince’s castle. She left all her provisions in a small hiding place, save her elven blades. She had a bad feeling that something terrible had happened to her Legolas.

“I’m coming love,” she thought, “no matter what danger might befall me.”

She ran, going by her keen elven-senses, towards the hall thata she knew contained Legolas. She wondered how a girl from America ended up in this situation.

She creaked open the door and gasped in horrible realization. Two figures stood kissing; much like she and Legolas used to share. Realization hit her. The figure was Legolas…and he was kissing the princess! (dun-dun-dun!)

Shock ran through Elenya’s body.

“What are you doing?!” she demanded. “When you said that she…” Here Elenya pointed an accusing finger at the princess. “…trusted you, I didn’t know it was in this way!”

“Who are you?” the blonde-haired betraying elf asked. As if he didn’t know.

“It’s Elenya! Don’t play dumb. I’m your elf-lover and I’m pregnant with your child!” (dun-dun-dun!)

Legolas shrieked. “This is fell news indeed! But you must know this about me…I’m not Legolas, but his identical twin!” (dun-dun-dun!)

“And I’m your long lost brother!” the `princess’ stated.

“What!” Elenya was in shock. Turning to the elf-twin, she asked. “Was it you the whole time?”

“About half,” he/she stated.

Elenya’s mind was racing. Questions were running through her mind that she said out loud.

“Then where’s the real Legolas? And who’s the father?” (dun-dun-dun!)

The princess shouted, “You may not want to hear this but it’s me- I am the father!” (dun-dun-dun)

“What? Now this is getting confusing.” Elenya said.

“No,” said the Legolas look-alike, “it’s getting incestuous.”

Just then, the real Legolas burst through the door.

“What am I doing all over that chick?!”

“I am your twin sister,” said the look-alike. “And this is no chick, this is Elenya’s brother.”

“Also the father of her child.” The brother added.

“I thought that was me!” Legolas yelled.

“So did I!” said an increasingly confused Elenya.

“Wait,” said Legolas, “You’re pregnant?”

Silence ensued.


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