As Middle Earth Turns (A parody) – Episode 2

by Apr 9, 2003Stories

(Many years before episode 1)

Arwen lay on her elven bed, thinking about Aragorn who had left with the Fellowship.

“He couldn’t have meant what he said,” She thought, “I know he loves me!”

She then heard the rustle of cloth and then a voice.

“It is time my daughter.”

She had hears his voice approach the door for the past several weeks. She shuddered at the sound.

“Time for dinner already?” She gasped.

“No.” He said. “It is time,” His eyebrows shot up, “to go to the Undying Lands…with me.”

“I have made my choice. I love Aragorn.”

Elrond approached. He sat next to Arwen Undomiel.

Elrond spoke. “By the sword or the slow decay of time, Aragorn will die…” He went on, giving Arwen uncomfortable looks.


Two hours later, Elrond was still talking.

“Do you ever stop talking?!” Arwen shrieked.

Elrond was stopped abruptly by the Evenstar’s unelf-like behavior.

“I have been around for many lives of men,” He went on in his mystic elf voice, “I know of such things.”

Arwen cried, “But I love Aragorn! And he’s going to be King!”

“Do I not also have your love?” He said in the most romantic voice he could muster, while squeezing Arwen’s leg.

Arwen squirmed beneath his inappropriate gesture. She wondered if this was a common problem among elves, being that they did not age at all.

“I guess ada…but not really in that wa-“

Elrond looked away. “Why not? It has been going on for thousands of years. For example, I am not only your father, but also your uncle’s, aunt’s, mother’s, cousin’s…”

(Two Hours Later)

“…sister’s cousin.”

“No!” Arwen wailed, “It cannot be!”

“It is,” Elrond said solemnly. `So you see, my daughter, (and whatever else you are) it’s okay. Let us be together forever in Valinor.

(Fast forward to end of episode 1)

“Why did you hurt him father?” Arwen cried.

“Why, you ask?” He cried. “Why? Don’t you see? He is my lover!”

“But why father! I thought you loved me!”

“I did love you, but you turned away from me…for Aragorn!

“Yes,” He went on, “I have come back from Valinor when I heard of Aragorn, and I have only one thing to say…told you so!”

Meanwhile, Legolas began to stir.

“Owww,” He murmured, “I feel like I fell off a horse.” He glanced up at the balcony. “That stupid Elrond,” He thought, “I thought I made it clear that it was over before he sailed into the West.”

Just then, Eowyn appeared. Arwen gave her a look of rage, but didn’t know why. She had always seemed a bit materialistic, but Arwen could not think of why she didn’t trust her. She had seemed to mourn a little too much over Aragorn’s death.

“I heard a noise.” She had a tragic look on her face, “But I feel I must admit something, since you are all here.

“Aragorn and I had a child.” Arwen’s face had a look of anguish. “But it was because he thought you had sailed off with your people,” She finished hurriedly.

Arwen was (once again) upset. “I never said that!”

Eowyn said “Yes you did! Remember that flashback?” (Flashback to flashback)

“That was only in the movie to make it more dramatic! Kind of like how Aragorn was trying to get me to leave!”

She fumed, “I should have never let him go on that journey.” She glared at Legolas. “I knew the Fellowship was a bad influence!”

Eowyn put a shied look on her face. “Well, he obviously felt he needed someone else…”

Arwen jumped on Eowyn and threw her to the ground. Legolas empathized with the Rohanian maiden. (term a bit too virginal for Eowyn, but go with it!)

He still couldn’t move. Eowyn landed on the ground beside him as Arwen leaped off the balcony, twirling her elven blades.

“Wait!” Eowyn gathered enough strength to shout. “There’s something I must say before you kill me. My daughter might have come here. Please protect her. Her name is Elenya.” (dun-dun-dun)

Legolas gasped. He couldn’t believe that his elven-lover was the illegitimate child of his best friend (who is now dead) and his mistress.

Arwen dropped her blades. “No.” She whispered.

Just then, a herald ran up and whispered in her ear. Arwen’s eyes dropped.

“Guards, throw this piece of offal in jail.” The guards took Eowyn away. “Legolas, my child has been kidnapped.”

“Say no more,” He got to his feet. “Elenya and I will rescue the heir.”

“Legolas,” Said Arwen, “She can’t know…she is only an elf from America…but why? How?”

Legolas responded, “We will answer these questions later.”

Arwen and Legolas exchanged a long glance.

“Please, Legolas, bring my child back safely.”

“I will Arwen.”

(Later in the day)

Elenya was slightly apprehensive. “Don’t worry,” Legolas assured her, “We’ll rescue the Princess and get back here in no time at all. We’ll be safe.”

“I know,” She said, “but it seems as though we never get a moment’s rest.’

“Perhaps it is our destiny.” He smiled.

She walked over and hugged him. At this Legolas winced.

To be continued…


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