An Aussie in King Aragorn’s Court Part 1 – Meeting on Caradhras

by Jan 23, 2003Stories

Ski Queen and the FellowshipSki Queen and the Fellowship

Meeting on Caradhras


Am I mad everyone????

I just can’t get enough of TTT or LOTR…I’ve seen TTT 6 times now and am going again tonight…

I think I’ve fallen in love with Eomer…No Aragorn…No Legolas…..No wait Faramir, No I mean Boromir too…….

AAAAIIIII!!!! I’m a hopeless romantic.

I don’t mind sharing with you all my daydreams I have whils’t riding the ski lift at Vail…
It is a long ride up you know…and I must pass the time…..

I daydream mostly about being transported into Middle Earth whils’t I’m gliding down on my skis through some wonderful open portal (like the way to Narnia…just through a gap in the trees) and suddenly appearing in front of a band of Uruk Hai on the slopes of Caradhras…….I go into full extreme mode and ski like lightning, full bore, all the way down with the orcs giving chase…Of course they can’t keep up…and then I do a spectacular jump over the heads of the Fellowship, who go “What the %&*#@?” as I sail over head screaming “Orcs behind!” …The Uruk Hai then turn up and Aragorn and Co make short work of them as they have been forewarned, by the
magical skiing lady overhead .
A strange sight for Middle Earth eyes.

I then take off my skis and whack a few of them over their heads…..skewer others with my poles…….
Of course the Fellowship don’t know what to make of me… is this strange woman in their midst dressed in even stranger garb with very strange weapons (skis and poles)….

Gandalf: I think there is some strange magic
afoot here!

Boromir: What is this new devilry?????

Sam: Is that Gollum??????

Coralie: I certainly am not Gollum, Samwise Gamgee…..
Can’t you see that I’m a girl????? (removing my
headband revealing my blonde, red, brown hair
in all it’s glory)

Frodo: How do you know his name?

Coralie: I know all your names, Master Frodo son of
Drogo! Now how do I know that??????)

Frodo: Gasp!!!!!!

Pippin: I rather fancy her coat!!!

Merry: What’s she wearing on her eyes??????????

Legolas: Such strange garb…..Perhaps she is of Elven
kind, But I have never seen her like before!!!!

Gimli: Well she certainly made short work of that Orc!
That is a formidable weapon she wields…….even
if she is a woman.

Aragorn: Lady, we are forever in your debt…(swoon)
But, from whence did you come…..and how?????? (looking up at the mountain, I just skied down
and then at my ski gear)

Gandalf: Methinks, that this will be a long tale in the
telling but we have no time at present for long
explanations We have received aid in time
unlooked for. As strange as you may appear, I
sense that there is no evil in you, and that the
Valar have sent you here on winged feet ….perhaps you were mean’t to play a part in our
quest….. Lady, I think we should welcome you
to our Fellowship.

Gimli: What! A woman? Never heard of such a thing!!!!!!

Coralie: Now don’t go getting your knickers in a knot
Gimli, Son of Gloin….I have no idea how I got
here myself. Maybe I hit a tree and am dreaming
all of this! All I know is that I was just minding my
own business, cruising down China Bowl, went
over a jump in the trees and…Voila!…….
I ski into a bunch of Uruk Hai. One minute I’m in
Vail ….the next thing I’m on the slopes of
Caradhras going for it hell bent for leather!!!!!!!
Making my very own Warren Miller film!!!! Stone
the crows! My poor foofer valve can’t take much
more of this mate! What’s more….
where I come from…women have had the vote for
ages mate and you should mind your p’s and q’s
in the future…..

Gimli: P’s! Q’s! Hell bent for leather! Mate! What strange
speech! I’m not even sure this
is a woman Gandalf! No woman has ever dared
speak in such
a bold manner before!!!! Hrumpphh!!

Pippin: What’s she saying???? Cruising? Voila?

Merry: I don’t know Pip, but it sounds very interesting……

Legolas: Lady, I am very concerned about your poor foofer
valve….We Elves have much knowledge of the
healing arts…
Do not worry about the crows.The crebain have
flown back to their master Saruman. There is no
need to stone them.
For my part, if Mithrandir has invited you to be a
part of our Fellowship, then part of the Fellowship
you shall be! (stern look towards Gimli)

Coralie: Cool!

Aragorn: Are you cold M’Lady?

Legolas: … and never let it be said that the Elves
were ungracious towards a lone woman in the

Aragorn: Never have I seen such bravery and mystery at
one time…You are most welcome Lady….

Boromir: Well spoken Aragorn. The men of Gondor are
ever gracious toward the fairer sex as are the
Elves (looking at Legolas)…..but what does the
Ring Bearer say?

Frodo: She seems fair and not foul to me….More fair
than you seemed at the Prancing Pony Aragorn,
(little wink at Aragorn) and you came to our aid
too unlooked for as she certainly has……
If Gandalf says the Valar have sent her?…….I
would not disagree with him.

Legolas: (Taking me by the arm) Now Lady, I am very
concerned about your foofer valve….Tellme…
where does it hurt? (double swoon)

Legolas is holding Lady Coralie’s hand aka known as the Ski Queen
and looking at her anxiously………

Legolas: Now Lady, you are strange to look upon, but you
cannot be so very different from Men, even
though you are a member of the fairer sex. Tell
me about this foofer valve of yours, for I
am wholly unacquainted with it…..pardon my
ignorance on this matter……but is it too delicate
to mention??????

Coralie: (Eyes wide…trying desperately not to laugh)
Sir Elf, you are very kind to ask about my foofer
valve, but you need trouble yourself no further
on my account…..I was simply referring to my

Legolas: (Alarmed) Your Heart! What has it been pierced
by an Orc’s arrow….let me see!

Coralie: No! No! Silly. Nice idea though! I mean’t I got
quite a shock to find myself suddenly here in
Middle Earth! But if you keep holding my hand
and looking at me like a sick puppy, I’ll
lay you tens that Cupid will shoot me in the heart

Legolas: (Suddenly springing to his feet) Where is this
Cupid? He’ll be dead before he can draw arrow
from quiver!

The others spin around looking for another Orc (or Cupid) to slay, swords drawn…..

Coralie: OMG! It’s moments like these you need Minties!

Gandalf: (Eyeing the ski queen from head to toe) Calm
yourselves! There is no danger here that I
perceive, but rather misunderstanding of sorts. My
Lady, it would appear that not only your sudden
arrival, and strange appearance and weapons
have taken us aback, but your speech
also is strange to our ears. Tell me….By what
name are you known?

Coralie: Well I’d really like to say my name was Picabo
Street, but you may call me Coralie if you like.

Legolas: Coralie…It is a melodious name…..Almost
Elvish….Are you sure you’re not Elvish?

Coralie: Yes Legolas, I’m sure I’m not Elvish, but I do
have a smattering of blue blood if that counts
for anything, I may even may have a bit of convict
blood too if I’m lucky! …Coralie is French and
means prettiness of coral.
(I rather like my name, it was entirely my Mother’s

Aragorn: What is coral?

Gandalf: I do believe that coral is a rock from the sea that
possesses many beauteous colours. It is found in
the Southron regions.

Coralie: Well, you’re partially right Gandalf. Corals are
actually tiny plant like creatures that depend on
clean water and sunlight in order to survive. Coral
reefs are actually composed of tiny organisms
called polyps. The skeleton of a polyp is a simple
combination of epidermis and gastroepidermis.
This is called a corallite. There are two types of of
corals; perforate (which consist of porous
skeletons) and imperforate (which have solid
skeletons). These corals are typically carnivorous,
feeding on small particles floating in the water….

Pippin: EEEWWWW!

Coralie: …They are found in most tropical and sub tropical
oceanic regions of the world and their skeletons
form limestone when they die…..but you are quite
correct Gandalf, to say that they are
beautiful to look upon.

Sam: Carnivorous plants! Skeletons! I told you she
had something to do with Orcs. I don’t like this
one bit Mr. Frodo!

Frodo: Does this creature move and what does it look

Coralie: No Frodo. It does not move save to sway in the
ocean’s currents.It is more like a flower I guess.
A flower that grows in the sea.

Legolas: Lady, this is very intriguing……

Samwise: She said she has a smattering of blue
blood…See! I tell you she has something to do
with the orcs!

Frodo: Hush now Sam! Gandalf seems to approve of
her, and that’s alright with me.

Aragorn: What does this blue blood mean Lady?

Coralie: Listen Aragorn. If we’re going to knock around
with each other then you should call be by my
name and not by ‘Lady” even though I must
admit that I rather like the sound of it.
Blue blood means that I’m descended from
royalty. My great, great grandfather was a French
Count, a grandson of king Louis the XIV of
France. Although I am a sixth generation
Australian which means I probably have a spot of
convict in me as well!

The hobbits look at the ski queen dumbfounded.

Merry: Where is France?
Pippin: What’s an Australian?
Sam: Convict….doesn’t sound too good to me!

Coralie: An Australian is a bloody good sort, that’s what!
And France is a country in Europe, wherever the
hell that may be at the moment. Actually Middle
Earth could be Old Europe in ancient times come
to think of it? How come you can
understand me?????? We seem to speak the
same language…

Boromir and Gimli raise their eyebrows at each other. Gandalf nods approvingly.

Aragorn: Then indeed, you are a Lady, Coralie…(he stoops
to one knee taking her hand in his, kissing her
Marmot Ultimate Women’s Ski gloved
hand)…And I can assure you that I would never
knock you about…..

Coralie: Oh my heart be still! (she drops in a mock faint to
the ground.

Aragorn: Lady!

Coralie: Don’t get your knickers in a twist now! I’m
perfectly alright. All this testosterone is making
me light headed!

Boromir: (with water skin in hand) Here Lady. I see you
are in need of refreshment.

Coralie: Thanks. My throat was drier than a bull’s bum
going up a hill backwards…..

Gimli: BBBAAAWWWAAAAHHHHAAAA! She may be alright
after all!

Merry: (giggling) What a thing to say!

Coralie: Call it my royal prerogative! Hang around some
more with me and your ears will burn!

Pippin: What’s testosterone?

Coralie: Never mind!

Gandalf: Well Lady, er, Coralie, since that is what you
would have us call you…What is this Australia
that you speak of?

Coralie: Well, I come from Australia, otherwise known as
the Land of Oz, or the Great Southern Land, or
Land of the Southern Cross
and …….I think I’m from the future!

Sam: See, she’s a Southron! Why should we trust her!!!!

Gandalf: Samwise Gamgee! This is some other land that
this Lady refers to. Have you ever seen a
Southron? They are dark, with dark hair and eyes.
Does she look dark to you? What colour is her

Sam: …..Well I can’t really tell. She has stripes of
gold and red and brown….It’s not natural and no

Coralie: Honey, I’ll have you know that I paid a good deal
of money to my hairdresser to make my hair
look natural thank you very much…it was done
with foils and is the latest fashion where I come

Sam: Foils! I’ve never heard of hair being done with
swords before…

Legolas: Come Sam. This is no way for a hobbit of the
Shire to talk to a Lady. Besides, I think her hair
is interesting to look at. It is short, but pretty

Gimli: Well said elf!

Coralie: Why thank you. I think that was a compliment of

Frodo: (scowling a bit at Sam) Coralie, I think your hair
is nice even though I don’t understand how it
could be done with swords, or foils as you put
them. But come. Let us see your
eyes, so we may know if you speak the truth or
not. What is this strange covering you have
upon them?

Coralie: (removing her sunnies) Why certainly Frodo.
Here ya go mate.
They are called sunnies or sunglasses. They are
made to protect your eyes from the sun.
Especially up here in the snow. Snow blindness
can be a pain in the bum! Try them on
if you like…they won’t bite!

Merry: She has blue eyes!
Gandalf: Yes…Just like most of you in the Fellowship…so
she should fit right in.

Sam: My eyes are green!

Gandalf: That’s because you’re the jealous type, Samwise

Sam looks very embarrassed by this little home truth.
Frodo handles the sunglasses gingerly in his hands. He puts them on.

Frodo: Oh My! Everything looks clear but dim. I can’t
describe it.

Coralie: Hey Frodo! You look pretty cool mate!

Aragorn: Cool? This is the 2nd time you have mentioned
you were cold. Yes night is coming on….May I
suggest that we seek some shelter ere
nightfall? I would very much like to converse
with this lady further, but we must not stay in
the open much longer. Tell me Coralie.
Were there any other orcs you spied on the
mountain other than the ones slain here?

Coralie: They were the only ones I saw, and they scared
the heck out of me as it was.

Gandalf: Aragorn is right. We cannot linger here
much longer. We have a long way to go off this
mountain. Let us make for those
trees down below and make camp. Then we
can talk some more about your strange
comings and goings Coralie. I would like to
find out more about you and your homeland
and what you know of our quest…

Coralie: I know more than you realize Gandalf, but
somehow I seem to be forgetting as well. I
know all of your names, and something of
your quest, but everything else is very faint.
I don’t understand…

Gandalf: I think I do. Now let us make for those trees
whils’t there is still light.

Coralie: (recovering her skis and poles)
I can ski down if you like and check it out. I
wouldn’t mind carving some fresh powder!

Gandalf: If that is what you were doing with those long
poles on your feet, that would be a new thing
to see. Most amusing and I’ve had little to
amuse me of late. But I fear for your safety
We do not know what may be down there.

Legolas: Gandalf is right Lady. You cannot go alone
and unescorted. I will accompany you.

Coralie: How can you do that? I’ve only got one pair of
skis here, and I don’t reckon I can carry you.

Legolas: I am of Elven kind and tread lightly upon this
earth. I would like to experience this skiing.
It is a new thing to me and I could use some
amusement too. However brief. Besides it
looks to be the fastest way down.

Aragorn: They are right. You cannot go alone.

Coralie: Okay Legolas. How are we going to do this

Legolas: I will stand behind you if you permit?

Coralie puts on her skis and takes her poles in hand. The Fellowship
look on in wonder as she picks up her Northface Chilkats backpack,
slinging it over her shoulder:

Coralie: Climb aboard Legolas…this is going to be
interesting. Never had a passenger before. I can
see a face plant coming on.

Aragorn: Legolas. See those trees down there…Scout
them out, but be on guard.

Coralie: Ready?

Legolas: ( Stepping on the skis from behind and placing
his hands around Coralie’s waist)…With your
permission M’Lady?

Coralie: OMG! I think I’ve died and gone to heaven!



Glossary of Australian Terms:
(In other words…..A translation)
Full Bore Pretty fast…flat out actually!

Knickers in a knot/twist Toget upset

Hell bent for leather Pretty fast again!

P’s & Q’s manners

Stone the crows! Expression of surprise

Foofer Valve An undesignated part of the body or
Or engine that is prone to breaking

Lay you tens Wager with someone

Knock around with Hang out with….

Good sort attractive/likeable/honest

Moments like these you need a Minties…… candy!

An Aussie in King Aragorn’s Court


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