Aragorn: Legolas! Orlando! Get them up!
Boromir: Give them a moment, for pity’s sake!
Sean B: You dolt, don’t you know that there’s going to be millions of Moria Orcs racing along these plains in about two hours? If we don’t reach Lothlorien, we’re going to be one dead company.
Pippin: Hear hear!
Gimli and John: Hear what?
Orlando: We’ve got to get to Lorien. C’mon, Sam.
After a long and tiring run, the Fellowship reaches the beautiful woodland realm of Lothlorien. Walking quietly through the trees, Gimli turns to Elijah and Frodo.
Gimli: Stay close, Hobbits! They say a great sorceress lives in these woods-an Elf-witch of terrible power!
Elijah: If you’re referring to Galadriel, in just a few days you’ll be regretting you ever said that.
Elijah: You’ll be head-over-heels in love with her.
Gimli: WHAT???? With an ELF?!?
Legolas: You’re nuts, Frodo.
Elijah: I’m not Frodo.
Orlando: Psst! Legolas! In another moment, the Elves of Lothlorien are going to jump out and level arrows at all of us!
Legolas: How do you know that?
Orlando: Just trust me. I haven’t been wrong so far, right?
Gimli: I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox — whoa!
Orlando: Freeze, Haldir, or you’ll get an arrow right in your guts!
Haldir: The Dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in -what the-? Begging your pardon, I must be seeing double…(slaps forehead)
Aragorn: These strangers just showed up out of nowhere back before we went through Moria. Gandalf the Wizard – he’s dead, by the way – told us to let them accompany us.
Haldir: They look exactly like you.
Viggo: Well, they say everyone in the world has a double somewhere, right?
Haldir: Everyone has a double?
Viggo: Forget it.
Haldir: I shall take all fifteen of you back with me to Galadriel, then.
Aragorn: Fifteen? But….hey, where’s the other Dwarf?
Orlando: Hey, John’s gone!
True enough, John Rhys-Davies had simply vanished. He appeared a moment later in the room in London, making Billy and Ian jump.
John: Hi guys!
Billy: Look at the screen! You can see all 15 of them there!
John: This is getting really weird…
Ian: I was under the impression that it already was weird.
Elijah: Boy, this place is more beautiful in person that all our sets were!
Sam: You said it, Mr. Frodo.
Elijah: I’m not Frodo.
Much later, as the rest of the Fellowship sleep, Frodo is awakened and sees Galadriel walking slowly past. He gets up and follows. Unbeknownst to him, Elijah is tailing Frodo.
Galadriel: Will you look into the mirror?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadriel: That depends on if you are Frodo Baggins or that other one, Elijah Wood.
Elijah: Are you talking about me?
Elijah: It wasn’t our fault! A defective DVD player!
Frodo: A what?
Elijah: Never find.
Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell, for the mirror shows many things. THings that were —
Elijah: Can I look too?
Much later, the Fellowship is loaded into boats and pushed off down the river. Aragorn, Frodo, and Sam are in one boat, Orlando, Legolas, and Gimli in the next, Boromir, Merry, and Dom are in the third, Viggo, Elijah, and Sean A. are in the fourth, and the last contains Sean B. and Pippin. The original eight have still gotten their gifts, and the other seven all just got the brooches and cloaks, because Galadriel didn’t have enough time to make doubles of all the gifts.
to be continued