A short-cut through the mushrooms that went terribly wrong.

by Jun 9, 2004Stories

Alright well this story takes place in the “movie version” so to say, with the four hobbits running through Farmer Maggot’s cornfields with stolen vegetables. . .

On that windy day the four hobbits ran through Farmer Maggots fields, with Merry and Pippin discussing the inventory of the vegetables they had stolen so far. Everything was going just as planned, with smiles and happy music playing, when Merry, intent on trying to prove his point to Pippin, did not notice where he was going and tripped over a randomly-placed tree branch. He fell face first in the dirt with flying cabbages and potatos crashing into the nearby cornstalks. As luck would have it, (and hobbits are very lucky) Frodo had been running backwards at the time, yelling at Sam to keep up witht the rest of them, and so of course did not see Merry struggling to get up. Merry tried to yell at Frodo to stop, but realized this was not to be as he pulled grass and mud out of his mouth. So to Merry’s everlasting horror and disgust, Frodo came running on through right onto him, squishing his face back into the ground. Pippin, who had been facing forward, intent on proving0 HIS point to Merry, saw the growing pile of hobbits on the ground. And being the intelligent hobbit he was, he thought it looked like a lot of fun, and with a running leap he jumped into the pile. (one of his feet landed on Frodo’s head, knocking him unconscious.) Sam caught up just in time to see Pippin’s landing on his poor master. He grabbed Pippin by the ears (being hobbits they have rather large ears, easier for grabbing) and yanked him off Frodo. Everyone in the tumble had lost their vegetables (Pippin started to scramble for them) and so Sam picked up some carrots and bonked Merry and Pippin on the head. The three hobbits on the ground (Frodo regained consciousness at Pippin’s yelling at Sam’s inflictions of pain) began creeping backwards, looking up at Sam with something akin to amazement, horror and upset stomach. Sam felt very strong and brave, defending Frodo the way he had, and for an added show of strength, he threw another carrot behind him while belligerently yelling “And I’ll do it again so help me!”. He heard an “Oomf!” behind him, and as he turned around, remembered with a sick heart why they had been running in the first place. He turned to see none other than Farmer Maggot with his dogs, Wolf, Grip and Fang (who were creeping towards Sam) and Farmer Maggot pulling a carrot out of his mouth (Sam unfortunately had excellant aim)
“So you’re the one who’s been in my carrots and then,” pausing to spit out some bits of carrot “smashing them into innocent hobbits eh?” Sam wondered why he was looking at him, and started to point at Merry and Pippin on the ground (who were trying to crawl away) and explain that eh was completely innocent.
“Hogwash!” Said Farmer Maggot. “The only one I see who has some of my carrots, and who just threw one at my face is you young master.”
Sam raised his hands in protests and then realized that he did still have a carrot in his hand. He smiled guiltily and threw the carrot backwards. Again, his excellent aim showed itself and the carrot hit Merry on the head and he fell back, unconscious.
“What was that for?!” yelled Pippin, who started waving a mushroom under Merry’s nose to revive him. When that didn’t work he ate it instead and felt much better.
“Don’t eat the mushrooms!!” Yelled Farmer Maggot at Pippin, who hastily shoved a handful into his mouth as Frodo looked confusedly on. (He was still a mite groggy from being knocked out)
“But aren’t mrushima-marush-m-mushrooms for eating?” he asked dazedly.
“Yes, but not for the likes of you little mealy-faced bug-eyed ninnys!”
“Now what am I to do with you now?” he asked the hobbits
“You could let us go,” volunteered Pippin.
“What? And have every Bracegirdle and Chubbs thinking that they can come anytime they want and get away with it? Ha, I think not.” And the farmer began to think what he should do with them. Hobbits generally tend to think outloud, so his thoughts went something like this….
“Well Fang already had his supper….roast mutton with gravy…that dog eats better than I do sometimes…..he didn’t finish the potatos though so maybe he could finish off the skinny one if i excersised him first…..” Pippin gulped in terror and started inching back “Grip is always hungry……maybe the fat one……no that would be too long….rather messy too I shouldn’t wonder.” Sam wiped his forehead in relief and patted his stomach in thankfulness. “mumbling gibberish…..have enough help around the farm already…..they would probably eat too much anyways…..too much ale……I bet they never do a hard day’s work in their life…..but they’re fingernails are dirty…..” And this went on for quite some time, until he finally made up his mind and said “Well young masters, I’ll have to take you home and lock you up until I can think of what to do.” (Merry had finally woken up but on hearing this promptly closed his eyes again.)
With the help of his dogs (which were very helpful seeing how most of the hobbits were deathly afraid of them.) Farmer Maggot herded the hobbits to his cellar and locked the door. He was back in a minute with some bread and a pitcher of water, which he placed on a shelf seeing that the hobbits were not quite in the mood for eating. Unbeknownst to the hobbits, Farmer Maggot was not really a mean person, but he had had a rough day but still planned to realease the hobbits in the morning. He chuckled on the way to bed, glad that he could teach them a lesson.
“Well now what?” Asked Frodo, “We’re supposed to be going somewhere Sam,” he said with a meaningful nod and wink.
“Well it was Merry who got us into this mess so he should get us out” said Pippin, “it’s only fair.” He added at Merry’s confused and angry look. “It was you who just had to trip over that randomly placed tree branch and make him catch up with us.”
“Well it was Sam who hit Farmer Maggot with the carrot and made him so angry.”
“Now don’t go blaming me for your thieving and robbery!”
“We weren’t thieving and robberying,” said Pippin indignantly “we were uh, borrowing them so ya see.”
Sam rolled his eyes and turned to face the walls, muttering about stupid hobbits who didn’t have enough sense to buy a spoon.
“A nice pickle we’re in Mr. Frodo,” said Sam as he sat down next to Frodo, sending Merry and Pippin dark looks.
Pippin stuck his tongue out at Sam and turned to Merry, saying “we’ve just got to get out of here Merry-me-lad. Just got to!”
“I know,” said Merry remorsefully, “Poor Frodo and Sam, getting mized up with our cabgbages and now they’re stuck down here with us, probably going to get eaten by savage dogs and never get to go to Lothlorien or the Bridge of Khazad-dum. Whatever or wherever that is.”
“My goodness Merry, sometimes you can be so random you scare me. But anyways, who cares about them? I’m talking about us! The Bracegirdles of Hardbottle are throwing a huge party for Matilda tomorrow, and there was going to be free ale and dancing and now we are probably going to miss it!”
“Oh,” said Merry, drying his eyes and becoming worried, “we can’t miss that now can we Pip? We’ll just have to break out of here then eh?”
“By thunder I’ve got it! We’ll break out of here!” said Pippin, “didn’t I always say I had more intelligience? Haha!” said Pippin smugly as he patted a very confused Merry on the shoulder.
“But how will we get out?” he finally asked Pippin.
“Oh I don’t know. You think of a way, that’s the easy part now that we know what to do. Don’t do anything until you’ve got and wake me up when you do,” and with that Pippin rolled over and fell asleep.


Submit a Comment

Found in Home 5 Reading Room 5 Stories 5 A short-cut through the mushrooms that went terribly wrong.

You may also like…

The Missing Link Chapter 3: Captive

We return to the forests again. Our hobbit friend has lost all faith and finds the true meaning of apathy by the end of this chapter. He is taken captive by a band of elves and one human. This chapter suggests that some of his past will be revealed soon.

read more

The Missing Link Chapter 2: Ivy

We leave the fields and forsets and earth whatsoever to the sea, where a broken abused halfling sails. We hear a little about her past from her recalled memories that she remembers during her turn at lookout. Please comment again, and if you find ANY FAULT AT ALL please tell me. Thank you! 🙂

read more