Lord of the Rings Sing Along 2! – Spanning the Divide from Disney to Dr. Demento

by Feb 8, 2003Poetry

The Ringwraith That Ate Osgiliath
Sung to the Tune of “The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati”, by Rose & the Arrangements

Ah-ah Don’t twist that script!

I must offer to you a confession
I like changes that give me a fright
If the purists flee
I must run over to see
Or I won’t be contented all night

You may call it my ghoulish obsession
I’m certainly headed down that path
But the worst one it seems
Haunting all of my dreams
Was the Ringwraith that ate Osgiliath

I’ve seen Aragorn battle — no Anduril
And the lack of Tom Bombadillo
I’ve viewed Uruk-Hai rise
Out of slimy mud pies
And Balrogs of Morgroth with wings

Faramir gives me the shakes
I got goosebumps at Arwen’s wrath
But they cannot compare
To the swooping scare
Of the Ringwraith that ate Osgiliath

Oh, he must have been a rebel,
To Sauron naught he would tell,
He came so close
To having the ring
Yet the Dark Lord knew not a thing

Theoden just sent me out laughing
I thought the Ents were a little bit hasty
But they couldn’t have conspired
Worse’n what transpired
With the Ringwraith that ate Osgiliath

Oh my heart nearly stopped
He will never be topped
The Ringwraith that ate Osgiliath

Le? That’s dumb

Go the Distance — Frodo’s Song
To the Melody of “Go the Distance”, from “Hercules”

I have often dreamed
Of a far-off place
Where I can finally rid
Myself of this great load
But Smeagol sneers
When he sees my face
And a voice keeps saying
Home is where I’m meant to be

I will find my way
I can go to Mordor
I’ll be there someday
E’en if I’m done for
I’ll keep up my hope
And try to cope
I would do most anything
To destroy this ring

I am on my way
I can go the distance
I don’t care how far
Somehow I’ll be strong
I know e’very step
Brings me closer yet
I would go most anywhere
To know the ring is gone

Someday My Ent Will Come
To Be Sung to the Tune of “Someday My Prince Will Come”, from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”

Someday my Ent will come
Someday we’ll meet again
And away to his forest we’ll go
To be happy forever I know

Someday when winter’s here
We’ll find our love anew
And go into the West
To find true heart’s rest
Someday when my dreams come true

Does Your Lembas Lose Its Flavour
To the Tune of “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour” by Lonnie Donegan and His Skiffle Group

Oh me, oh my, oh you
Whatever shall I do
Gilthoniel, the question is unusual
I’d give a lot of gold
If only I’d be told
The answer to my question
Is it yes or is it no?

CHORUS: Does you Lembas lose its flavour in the wrapper overnight?
If Gimli says he wants it, do you swallow it in spite?
Can you catch it on your tonsils, and you heave it left and right?
Does your Lembas lose its flavour in the wrapper overnight?

Here comes a stately elf
Jus’ glidin’ by himself
Up to the council
(Is that how you pronouncil?)
Well Frodo’s got the ring
And it’s such a pretty thing
But as he slips it on his finger
The dwarves begin to sing


Now Gondor rises as one
To stand there on her own
Up to Sauron, yes, Middle Earth’s only Sauron
To make him pay dear
For the death of Boromir
And to ask the burning question into confusion him to steer
“If less knobs means fewer handles, what does Mordor stand for?”
(Man yells unintelligible thing that might be “Get the Door!”.)


In the wrapper overnight
Shelob: “Hello there, I’d love to hold you and I want to wrap you tight,”
On Monday, Trewsday, Hev’nsday, Mersday, Highday, Sterday night
In the wrapper overnight
Random Dwarf: “Mithril is mithril and to steal it is a crime.”
He’d sing another chorus but he hasn’t got the time
In the wrapper overnight

A Note Before We Begin:
This song is sung between two elves of Middle Earth who want to settle down. This would take place in the 3rd Age, after the place in question has already been corrupted, but the first elf, Huor Surion, loves it anyway, and wants his love, Nienna, to love it too. So he proposes a tour:

A Whole New Mirkwood
Sung to the Tune of “A Whole New World”, from “Aladdin”

I can show you Mirkwood,
Twisted, gnarly, and dang’rous
Tell me, darling, now when did you last battle for your life?
I can open your eyes
Take you terror by terror
Over, sideways, and higher
To escape that spider
A whole new world!
A new, fantastic way to die
Better not stray
Off the path today
Or in sleep forever you’ll lie

A whole new world,
A place I’d rather not have known
Filled with butterflies,
And silent cries
This place sure has a menacing tone

And into darkness we’ve been thrown

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Yellow, red eyes gleaming
Through a stuffy for’st of fright
A whole new world!

Don’t you dare close your eyes

A hundred thousand things to flee

Hold your breath it gets better

And like this endless wood,
It can’t be good
‘Cause I can’t go back to where I used to be

A whole new world!

Every turn a surprise

With new black rivers to pursue

Every moment, new snare

I’ll trick them anywhere
There’s time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you
A whole new world
That’s where we’ll be

A thrilling chase

A wondrous place

For you and me!

I Have No Ring*
To be Sung to “I’ve Got No Strings”, from “Pinocchio”

I have no ring
To hold me down
To make me fret, or make me frown
I had a ring
But now I’m free
There is no ring on me

Hi-ho, the merri-o
I’m as happy as can be
I want the world to know
Nothing ever worries me

I have no ring
So I have fun
I can run rings ’round anyone
They have rings
But you can see
There is no ring on me

Gandalf (to Bilbo):
You’ve got no ring
So get you took
To Rivendell
To finish your book
(To Frodo)
You have a ring
Now throw it in
The fire to see the writin’

Frodo (To Bilbo):
You had a ring
To give to me
It takes a lot of bravery
Frodo (To Sam):
Ya, ya, ya
But now I have
To throw it in Mt. Doom

Legolas (To Frodo):
You have a ring
And my bow
To follow you wherever you go
Fwoosh fwoosh fwing
I load my string
And watch my arrows zing

Smeagol (to himself):
Down by the Anduin
Gollum, gollum, gollum, gollum
That’s where I found my ring
Precious, precious, precious — hey!

*Note: Gandalf takes the role of the Dutch puppet, Frodo and Sam the French, Legolas repeats the tune of the French/Dutch (not in the original song), and Smeagol gets the song of the Russian puppet

By the way, if anyone has a clean, viable song for me to LOTR, I’m happy for suggestions (it would help if you’d tell me who it was by or where it was from in case I don’t know the tune). Thank you.


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Found in Home 5 Reading Room 5 Poetry 5 Lord of the Rings Sing Along 2! – Spanning the Divide from Disney to Dr. Demento

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