Latex or Plastic? – A poem dedicated entirely to the prosthetics used on the set

by Mar 21, 2003Poetry

Quite arguably the most strangest poem I’ve ever come up with…

Hello Mr. Gandalf,
My, your nose sure is looking petite today.
Why don’t we fix it up,
By spanking on a rubbery array?

Good morning dear old Frodo,
Oh, you’re feet are looking fare!
Here, let us slap on some glue,
And add quantities of ingrown hair.

Greetings straggly Strider,
That buzz cut just won’t help.
Let us aid it to grow a bit,
And greasily cover your scalp.

Well hi there, little Sam,
Tisk, tisk, your ears are far too tiny.
Let us perk them up a bit,
So they’re nice and pointy and so shiny.

Good wishes good old Gimli,
I see you don’t read too much.
Don’t worry we can fix that with our latex,
To make your eye bags oh so lush!

Boromir, O Boromir,
You’re role is only so-so.
So instead of wasting our plastic on you,
We’re working on the blood for your torso.

Compliments Merry and Pip,
You’re diet seems to be working well.
So off to the fat suits it is for you,
In a sad attempt to make you swell.

For heaven’s sake Legolas,
Sunburned once again?
Well no matter, we can fix it,
By powdering your frame.

No fear precious Gollum,
Things aren’t too bad for you.
Considering you’re practically CGI,
Computers are what we need, not glue.

Okay, is that everyone?
Are we ready for the shoot?
Aw gosh dangitt, Wood,
You once again sweat off your @$#*& foot?!

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