The first time I saw ROTK, I was spellbound, not just by Billy Boyd’s gorgeous singing, Dominic Monaghan and Miranda Otto’s slaying of the Witch King, or the final destruction of the Ring, complete with invisible Frodo and floating Gollum, but by the vast wonder it seemed to impart upon the audience.
Was I the only one who jumped up at the end, threw my LOTR:FOTR hat in the air, and shouted, ‘HUZZAH!’ at the top of my lungs? Everyone else seemed to be crying. I was shocked.
Then of course we begin to watch for details, and things start to unravel. The strange accent of Viggo Mortensen before the Black Gate, 9.5-finger Frodo, the giant painted wall of Gondor, and Eowyn’s broken arms all served to distract partly from the overall veneer of the films. Pardon any errors in my writing, by the way; I’m flustered. Don’t ask why. It has something to do with Merry being in the final battle.
The greatest joke of all was the Scouring of the Shire. Saruman cleaned it up for them reeeal nice, didn’t he? How considerate of him, after all the hobbits had done to destroy him, don’t you think?
Maybe they can turn that into a ride in Disney World, so Orlando Bloom will feel even more at home there? I really hope he never says ‘avast’ again in his life, for one.
Beyond that, I was just wondering why Sam was a cry baby, and why they got split up on the stairs? How the heck did Sam climb up so fast?!? Then somehow he clears the tunnel faster than flaming Denethor leapt to his doom, beats up Shelob, and forgets to use the Ring in Mordor. Well, besides the freak incontinuity that posed in the book, it was better without it; nobody in the audience would have gotten it, just as I still don’t. Sam was not THAT resiliant.
Above all, I just wanted to hug everyone, after I resisted the urge to smack them all in the head and say,
“NO! THAT IS NOT YOUR LINE, THIS IS NOT YOUR SCENE, AND IF YOU DON’T PRETEND TO CRY RIGHT NOW, WE’RE TURNING THIS MOVIE AROUND, MISTERS!”