1. The god you worship is Iluvatar and the goddess is Elbereth.
2. You leave Middle Earth, and people constantly ask you about some fat dude named Santa, whom you know nothing about.
3. The song your children sing to learn their history is (sung to the tune of “Father Abraham” Father Feanor had seven sons…. Seven sons had Father Feanor…. They are all dead now…. And so is he…. And we blame it on Melkor.
4. You’re always looking down to talk to other creatures.
5. Your SECRET council is invaded by reall short people, with big ears and hairy feet.
6. You invite the whole of the Elven race to a party, but you said only: “all relatives please attend.”
7. You can’t move forward in a forest, because some idiot decided it would be funny to wrap your hair around a tree branch.
8. You can’t find an Elven boyfriend/ girlfriend who isn’t alsow your cousin.
9. You have to be fluent in at least three languages…. Quenya, Sindarin (both are forms of Elvish), and the common tongue.
10. You’ve been alive so long that you’ve forgotten when your birthday is.
A letter from J.R.R. Tolkien to illustrator Doris Sykes will be sold by Hermitage Fine Art Monaco for £15,000 ($25,0000).