Verily, The War of the Ring. – A Biblical spin-off on The Lord of the Rings.

by Mar 2, 2004Other News

1. And it came to pass that the Battle of Pelennor Fields came to pass.
2. Now Theoden did ride into battle. And there was a great slaying of orcs, and Theoden saw that it was good.
3. Now the Witch King cameth upon his winged beast- and it did stink exceedingly.
4. Yea, and the beast did land upon the horse of Theoden, and did eat of the horse’s flesh, and the taste thereof was exceedingly good.
5. It came to pass that Eowyn did stand and face the Witch King. Now Eowyn was the daughter of Theodwyn who was the daughter of Thengel, son of Fengel, who was the son of Folcwine, son of Folca, who was killed by a pig.
6. And Eowyn did stand before the Witch King and his winged beast- though the stink thereof was exceedingly great.
7. Yea, Eowyn did cry “I will smite thee if thou smiteth him”.
8. And lo, the Witch King said, “Come not between the Nazgul and his prey, or his anger shall be kindled against thine house. And all manner of afflictions shall fall upon thine sheep and cattle, thy goats and thy she-goats, upon thy wheat and thy barely, and it shall not be well with thee.”
9. And Eowyn did cleave the head of the winged beast even as a man should cleave unto his wife.
10. And it came to pass that the Witch King did rise and draw out his mace, and he regaurded not the Fifth Commandment.
11. Yea, he did smite Eowyn, and she fell on her knees before him.
12. Now it came to pass that Merry did come behind the Witch King. Now Merry was the son of Saradoc, who was the son of Rorimac, son of Gorbadoc, who was exceedingly fat. And behold, Merry did thrust his blade into the Witch King’s knee, and it did hurt exceedingly. And Merry saideth “Eowyn! Eowyn!”
13. Thus saideth Merry.
14. Then Eowyn, daughter of Theodwyn, daughter of Thengel who came down from Folca who was killed by a pig- Yea, Eowyn did thrust her sword into the Witch King’s head and it did split. And he did die.
15. And it came to pass that when the people saw this, they rejoiced exceedingly.
16. And the orcs did not rejoice.


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