EPISODE 3: OF N00BS AND MEN
Now we take a look at the creature which makes up the greater part of a MODS diet, the n00bie
Now Your N00b
There are two forms of n00b that lives in TORC:
The Greater N00b is one who jumps straight into posting without even realizing that there is such a thing as rules or TOS. They will often run into trouble with the Mods and Oldbies and rarely survive their first few weeks of life.
Their only hope of survival is to be Adopted by an Oldbie.
The Lesser N00b is normally a former lurker or has migrated from another board.
Upon registering, they normally check out the welcoming threads and TOS and make their first post in Welcome.
After that they slowly start to move about the boards, always looking over their shoulder for a hunting Mod.
N00bs: The Main Differences
When identifying the type of n00b you are dealing with, the following are helpful indicators. They are not hard and fast rules, but good guidelines.
The name a n00b picks can give you some insight to their characters.
If a n00b has chosen a book based name, you can be pretty sure that they have at least read LOTR and possibly The Hobbit and Silmarillion, and they will have at least a working knowledge of Tolkien.
One who has chosen a fangirl/boy name (i.e. OMG1!1Viggoriffic!!!1110 are more likely to be new to Middle Earth.
They are also statistically less likely to survive the wilds of TORC. However, when they do they can often become one of the better loved and respected posters.
Post count is not a good way to identify a n00b.
Sunsilver has barely become a Rider, but would not be considered a n00b by any means as she has been registered since 2000. Yet Beertapgirl is already a Rider and most certainly considered a n00b.
Join Date is certainly the best way to identify a n00b at a glance. If the join date is from within the last six months, you can be pretty sure that the poster is a n00b.
There are however two exceptions to this rule:
1) MSN Syndrome; not the evil empire of Microsoft, but the use of Multiple Screen Names. Normally this is for Role Playing purposes, or to trick other posters. The oldbie will normally end up giving themselves away.
2) The n00bie is pronounced a Middlebie by a council of Oldbies (normally to include at least one Mod)
N00bs generally display very bad posting habits and are the number one Locking issue for the Mods. Common mistakes are as follows:
Spamming ~ There is an art to successful spamming, unfortunately the n00b knows nothing of this. They will repeatedly spam a single thread until a disgruntled MOD Locks the thread much to the chagrin of the original poster.
Unnecessary/irrelevant threads ~ The n00b has yet to discover the wonders of the search function, nor have they learned how to view more than one page in a Form.
Admittedly even an experienced Odlbie can sometimes miss things while searching, but at least the thought was there.
The fate of these unnecessary threads is Locking by a now extremely grumpy MOD, including a short poke towards the senior thread and a hard shove towards the guidelines and Rules.
Single thread, Multiple Forums ~ This is the most common but also most forgivable n00b mistake. Not realizing fully the layout of the board, they will post a thread in one forum, then realize it belongs elsewhere, so they repost it.
The first thing they should do is to as a Mod to lock the redundant thread. Chances are the Mod will be in it’s passive state and no anger will ensue.
The n00bie trap is a TORC institution.
It is carefully constructed (normally in Movies, but has occurred elsewhere), by a mischievous Oldbie. Disguised by an extremely cunning opening post and baited by a big fat lie.
Oldbies will then gather and lurk in nearby threads until and unsuspecting n00b falls in. Thorough embarrassment of the trapped n00b ensues until the thread is set again for the next passing n00b.
One of the greatest n00bie traps of all time is the thread entitled “Is the book as good as the movie” started by Star of Hope. This thread is one of the longest running and still captures n00bies from time to time.
Normally these threads are not locked by the Mods, but are allowed to fill until the weight of n00bs cause it to sink to the bottom of the forum.
Because they teach a valuable lesson: Always read past the first page in a thread before replying.
The n00bie graveyard is not a myth. Because for every n00b who makes it at least twenty will fail, a graveyard was formed in the basement of the Bird and Baby so as not to have the board littered with the bodies of n00bs (some missing limbs or slightly charred if they got in Daefaroths way).
There are rumors that a few particularly annoying n00bs were buried alive there by TheLidlessEyes and a band of rebel M00bies.
This is true.
There is only one way for a n00bie to survive.
Read the rules, guidelines and TOS and learn to post accordingly.
Adoption may help them to learn the ropes and should be considered by all n00bs.
A n00b is a frail creature and few survive to wonder the plains of TORC.