Here are the next 10 phrases in the series of “things you would never hear LOTR characters say” (Though I had to shorten the title to make it fit). If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, it includes the 1st 20 phrases that I created. Enjoy!
21. Orc: I need a makeover!
22. Strider: Just how I want to spend my weekend: guiding a bunch of little people through the wilderness!
23. Hobbits: Just how we wanted to spend our weekend: being guided by a Big Person through the wilderness!
24. Gandalf: (at Isengard) Well, the view’s nice, but the location’s horrible!
25. The Watchers: Gee, my neck is stiff!
26. Legolas: Grandmother! What large, pointy ears you have!
27. Gimli: I’m not too short! You’re too tall!
28. Nazgûl: How long did the warranty on that Morgul-knife last again?
29. Balrog: Fe Fi Foe Fum, I smell the blood of…WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?!?
30. Shelob: How should I eat this hobbit? Extra poisoned or original recipe? Or maybe I should just go with raw, with a slight hint of paralysis.