What up, dudes and dudettes? This is the web guru of
Minas Morgul telling you my neither life nor death story!
(I can’t say just life… my Boss is pretty picky ’bout that)
So, anyway, when Sauron was giving away the rings of power to the nine kings of Men, I, of course, was not included in it..
Because… I was a surfer, who lived near the Grey Havens.
The elves said I was the best surfer they had ever seen, and called me the King of Surfing. Then Sauron got this idea
to give me one of the Spare Rings. What are the Spare Rings? Exact copies of the nine and seven, made in case one of ’em was lost… the ones for the Seven were eaten by a Troll. So, anyway, I got an exact copy of my Boss’ Ring (My Boss is the Twitch-King.) A few hundred years after, I found myself in Dol Guldor as leader of the Ten. The Twitch-King, my second in command, complained and complained and complained and complained to Sauron about ME being greatest of the Ten. Sauron gave in to that whiner’s pleading and booted me from my position, lowering me to #3.
Just so you know, the following list is the ranks of the Nazzies 1 to ten.
1. The Twitch-King of Angmar.
2. Ulaire Attea, the Easterling
3. Ulaire Daemegil, Terror of the Web
4. Ulaire Toldea, Sauron’s little Spy.
5. Ulaire Enquea, Master Sword-fighter
6. Ulaire Nelya, Strategist
7. Ulaire Cantea, Marathon-runner
8. Ulaire Otsea, Huntin’ an’ Fishin’ Guru.
9. Ulaire Nertea, Obsessed Bed-Jumper
10. Ulaire Lemenya, Lime-Suckin’ Lemon
As you can see, we have a pretty motley crew. So anyway,
some years later, Sauron sends me, my Boss, and my buddy Attea (He likes Sufin’ too) to Mordor to prepare it incase Sauron and us Nazzies ever left Dol Guldor. Then comes years, and years, and years of workin’ in Mordor. Sometimes we got some orcs to do it for us while we sipped our Tea.
Then a messanger from home sweet home rode up and gave me a Laptop. He said it was for evil purposes, but I liked being nice on the Web. I even set a date with a nice lady over a dating site, but my Boss wouldn’t allow me to go through with it. Ah well. There are some drawbacks to being
one of the Men in Black… wait, oops, I meant one of the Nazgul. So anyway, my Boss needs me, so I’ll continue later in part 2. Adios.