(duh duh duh…in other words, newsily heroic theme. The LotR News logo pops up onscreen, and the camera blips to the news desk.)
Banui: Good evening. I’m Banui Rochon, and this is LotR News. Today’s top story: a startling exposé – the real reason the late Boromir son of Denethor joined the infamous “Fellowship of the Ring” in late 3018.
(camera pans over and flips through several photographs of Boromir)
Banui: The elder son of Denethor, current Steward of Gondor, Boromir was sent to the Elven refuge of Imladris after Elrond Peredhel called a council. (Rolling landscape shots of Imladris flow across the screen.) He arrived late at night and decided to explore the legendary city. And that was when he had the encounter that changed his future forever.
(cut to an interview)
Nínim Amrûn, museum worker: It was my late shift, and I was doing some polishing and making sure all of Lord Elrond’s weapons were in place. The Lord Aragorn had just come back from some venture or another and he was in the main room reading. I went into the main room to fix a crooked painting, and there was Boromir.
Banui (leaning forward in a Barbara Walters-like interview pose): And what was he doing?
Nínim: The Shards of Narsil were displayed in the centre of the room, and there was this large sign on the display that said “Do Not Touch”. I had wanted to put a glass case over it but the Lord Elrond said it would make the centrepiece look odd. Anyway, Boromir had actually picked up the larger piece of the sword by the hilt and was examining it.
Banui: So what did you do?
Nínim: Well, I started to walk over to him, because I was worried for the piece-it’s quite old and very valuable. We haven’t had it insured in a couple hundred years, so if it were ever broken…um…again…we probably wouldn’t get recompensed for its full value. And just as I was coming over, he tested the blade – he ran his finger up the sword and cut himself on it, then quickly set it down, very carelessly, and it fell to the floor!
Banui: So you were upset?
Nínim: Quite. I stopped him as he was going out of the room – the Lord Aragorn kindly replaced the sword for me – and I had to speak to him. I told him that for breaking museum regulations by handling a display piece he would either have to pay a $500 fine or do three months of community service.
Banui: And what was Boromir’s reaction?
Nínim: He was very concerned that this not get all over the tabloids. I told him again about the payment and he said he’d contemplate it overnight.
(back to the news desk)
Banui: The next morning the Council of Elrond was called, and when attendees were asked to aid the halfling Frodo Baggins in destroying the One Ring, Boromir quickly saw his chance to fulfil his community service duty. Unfortunately, Boromir passed away in February 3019 while completing that community service. A memorial service is being held in Gondor today to remember the fallen warrior. (music starts up again) When we come back: Sméagol and Déagol – the untold story. A business rivalry turns deadly.
(cut to a commercial for one of those slicer-dicer-splicer thingies)