The Osgiliate Dictionary: Vol. 2 – U – Z (Umbar Puncture – ZZ Weathertop)

by Nov 18, 2004Other News

A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (October, 2004)
U – Z: Umbar Puncture – ZZ Weathertop

umbar puncture (n.) Nasty wound caused by a scimitar.

umbarge (n.) The boat on which the Corsairs sailed up the Anduin. (v.) To join in a fight (or a task) when it is nearly over, and take the lion’s share of the credit.
Nika waited till Thaddeus had washed everything except the cheese grater before she umbarged into the kitchen and offered to help.

Unfairimir (n.) The gruff, mildly jerky Ranger who replaced Faramir in the second movie.

ungolate (v.) 1. To send away a close friend or companion because of perceived betrayal or trickery.
2. To destroy almost single handed.
Even though only Ed and Jo had been allowed in to the buffet early, it was already absolutely ungolated.

urbanished (adj.) Buh-bye, Eomer! To be forcibly removed from a room by 90 armed guards who punch you in the stomach as you struggle, yell, and strain.
“Look, bub,” the bouncer said. “We’ll give you a choice. Either you walk out of this bar under your own power, or we urbanish you.”

urukoco (n.) Style of architecture and decoration found in Orthanc.

Uruk-hai! (interj.) cry uttered while performing Tae Kwon Frodo.

uruk-haibachi (n). an enormous ornamental charcoal grill, usually cast into fierce animal shapes.
Willard wanted to show off his new uruk-haibachi at the Patriots tailgate party, but could not get it loaded up into the 18-wheeler by himself. Also see Grond

uruk-heim-lick maneuver (n.) That disgusting thing Lurtz does after he pulls Aragorn’s knife out of his calf.
“What the…! Whoa! Ick! Aaack!” cried Texas-hobbit as she scrambled to hit the fast forward button. “For Pete’s sake, what’s with the uruk-heim-lick maneuver, PJ??!!??”

uruk hi-fi (n.) archaic stereo system used to play mumuzak at dull Isengarden parties.
When Ugluk was a teen, he thought he was hot stuff to be the first on his block to get an uruk hi-fi.

uruk high (n.) (1) Odd feeling of euphoria that accompanies gore and killing.
As Mohandas slashed and hacked his way along the Paths of the Dead with his Playstation, he felt an Uruk High coming on.
(2) where orcs received their secondary education.
Because he was the target of merciless teasing, Gothmog’s days at Uruk High were a living nightmare.

uruk-low (adj.) to be low-class, having excessively boorish tastes. Origin: variation of term describing breakdown in breeding of orcs, resulting in rejects which were culled from the armies of Mordor.
My brother’s new girlfriend is so uruk-low, she makes Anna Nicole Smith seem cultured.

uruktate (v.) Genetically modify.

uttermost west (n.) an unachievable goal; being always one step behind.
I don’t know, Pip. Boromir can TRY to kill all these Uruks, but he’s reaching for the uttermost west, don’t you think? Ouch! There goes another arrow…


valarcro (n.) someone who just won’t let go.

valardbucket (n.) a powerful but out-of-shape spiritual entity. Synonym: Va-larda$s
With little to do and lacking a challenge after aiding the peoples of Middle Earth defeat Sauron, Ulmo sat in his recliner for millenniums, munching on Cheez-Its, watching Black Holes vacuuming solar systems and generally turning into a great big valardbucket.

valaroma (n.) A specific type of tomato cultivated only in the Undying Lands.

valarva (n.) Morgoth as a baby.
Awww…isn’t that the cutest little valarva! Goochie, goochie, goochie — *BLAM*

ValKilmernor (n.) purgatory; a place where ME sinners must atone for their wicked ways by enduring a round-the-clock Val Kilmer Film Festival.
Finding himself in ValKilmernor, Boromir at last understood the gravity of his attack on Frodo after 16 viewings of “Batman Forever”.

vampbrace (n.) specialized military gear designed to protect the wrist, often adorned with frilly lace and elaborate sequined designs.
“You know,” remarked Aragorn sadly as he strapped on Boromir’s vampbraces, “He WAS a little flamboyant, a bit of a dandy, but still, a good man. I will cherish his memory. And his ballet slippers.”

Veni, vidi, WiKi (WAY-nee, WEE-dee, WEE-kee or WIH-Kee) (colloq.) I came, I saw, I got my butt whooped by a girl.
2. I came, I saw, I vacked the head off a fell beast.

viggeo (n.) Any video/movie that has Viggo Mortensen, including LOTR. LOTR related, but not directly taken from the cannon of Tolkien’s work.
I’m in the mood for a movie . . . let’s watch a viggeo.

viggonads (n., colloq.) chutzpah; nerve or gall.
Well, Aragorn may have suffered too much angst about becoming King, but at least he had viggonads in hand to hand combat.

vig-goo (n.) an oily substance collecting on hair which has not been washed for months.
It’s going to take sulfuric acid to get this vig-goo out of my hair!

viggormortis (n.) having the appearance of being dead, but still capable of being revived.
ABC’s “Celebrity Mole” was in a state of viggormortis until Orlando Bloom was added to the cast.
2. As witnessed by the grieving Arwen, what happened when Aragorn died. What happens to any of Viggo’s characters when they die. [NazgulRus]

viggorous (adj.) To engage in a task so intensely and wildly that injuries result, e.g. chipped teeth, broken toes, etc.
Watch out! Aaron’s painting the barn viggorously. Don’t go near him!


wake up in Rivendell (v.) To land on your feet, after a long series of bad and turbulent events.
Your brother’s constantly in trouble with the law, but he always seems to wake up in Rivendell.

Waldwarf Astoria (n.) a hoity-toity hotel built during the Fourth Age near the Glittering Caves, frequented by the wealthier citizens of M.E. during vacations to Helm’s Deep.
Ironically, although Gimli’s Cave Enterprises financed the construction of the Waldwarf Astoria, he was never allowed inside because he couldn’t pass the dress code.

war and rumors of war (n.) (Southern U.S. Slang) the sound of gunfire ricocheting, as in a hollow.
Wee doggie! I can’t wait to git to the rock quarry and make war and rumors of war!

warg!? (interj.) Exclamation of dismay at revisionist plot twists.
As Frodo told Sam to go home, there was a strangled cry of “Warg–??” from the row in front of me.

we’ll cross that bridge of khazad-dum when we come to it (colloq.) a decision that will ultimately result in a tragedy.
Don’t worry about the army draft now, we’ll cross that bridge of khazad-dum when we come to it.

wenhuminahumina (interj.) Low buzzing, drooling sound made by the female portion of a LOTR audience during closeups of the second son of the Steward.

westernessting (v.) Furnishing a cozy summer home on the isle of Akallabeth.
C’mon, honey, let’s go to Pottery Barn and check out the numenorean wicker – I feel like westernessting.

what do your elf eyes see? (colloq.) common phrase used when evil is near.
General Smith, is that Osama bin Laden in the distance? Tell me, what do your elf eyes see?

what news from Mordor? (colloq.) a polite inquiry about one’s day at the office. Var: “news from Mordor” – a communication from one’s Boss.
var. what news from the mark? general greeting to a friend.

when Peter Jackson films “The Hobbit” (colloq.) When hell freezes.
“Oh, sure, the Red Sox will win the World Series,” said Melvin. “When Peter Jackson films ‘The Hobbit’.”

when Peter Jackson films “The Silmarillion” (colloq.) When hell freezes, and pigs fly through it on broomsticks eating pink kiwi fruit.

wikibble (n.) Angmar chow.
“Here, witchy witchy-poo!” called Sauron, shaking the bag. “Come and get your wikibble!”

wikid (n.) child of the Witch King of Angmar.
Ang-mark Junior, affectionately nicknamed “The Beav” by his friends, was a shy, gentle young wikid who nevertheless was unable to shake the stigma of his father’s checkered past.

wikilibrium (n.) balance while riding a Fellbeast.
It’s hard to keep your wikilibrium when you are being attacked on one flank by an Eagle and on the other by a psychotic moth.

wiki-wedgie (n.) a juvenile trick in which one sneaks up behind one’s victim, grasps the waistband of his underpants and pulls upward.
When Merry gave the Lord of the Nazgul that wiki-wedgie, I thought I was going to die!

wikwidate (v.) to cause a member of the male persuasion to shrink from lofty menace to tiny, lifeless chunk of inconsequentiality. NOTE: Strictly speaking, wikwidation can only be performed by a woman who is heartlessly armored and laughing, or by a young girl who is stupidly coy and won’t leave home without her picnic basket and her scottie dog.

willow in Fangorn (n.) someone who, after failing to turn up at their appointed time, appears unheralded in possibly the worst place they could have been grafted into.
I turned up a bit late for the after-rave party, and everyone treated me like a willow in Fangorn!
SEE ALSO: elves at Helm’s Deep, Arwen at the ford.

wisecracks of Doom (n.) Deathly attempts at humour, especially about how many people you have killed [etymology: believed to come originally from ‘wisdom of Khazad-Dum’, but the meaning has changed beyond recognition]

witch king of Angstmar (n.) (masc. form) typically a moody, sullen, depressed, hormonal, often spoiled suburban teenager who typically rides off on a fell-mobile eowyning about how hard life is. For fem. form, use Queen.

withy-swindle (v.) being led up the garden path, ending up in a direction totally unforeseen and unwanted.
My Boss withy-swindled me into believing that my new position would entail more executive powers, but I’ve ended up being assistant coffee-maker and boot-licker extra-ordinaire.

wizard-fu (n.) any Martial Arts move when used against someone whose current state and/or situation and /or circumstances prevent them from successfully defending themselves

wynnow (v.) to take something that seems huge and impossibly frightening and reduce it to something regular-sized and normal before destroying it.
When Beth was in 7th grade, she wynnowed her senior high opponents on the chess team until she was the champion.


xenarwen phobia (n.) Fear of female elves in places they shouldn’t be. Like Helm’s Deep, or LOTR movies in general.

xeno-frodobia (n.) The fear of something small and hairy from another land.

X-Phials (n.) A series of scrolls, very popular in Gondor, which reveal how the whole ring business was a conspiracy by the Wise to cover up the fact that Sauron was really a business partner of theirs.


Yavanna (the) White (n.) an attractive but airheaded relative of Yavanna, famous for turning letters on a popular syndicated game show in Valinor.
“I’d like to buy an Anto,” boomed the voice of the contestant. “Oooo, oooo! I’ve GOT it! It’s….it’s…..GONDOR NEEDS NO PANTS!” exclaimed Frodo as he watched Yavanna White dramatically turn the letters on the riddle board.

yEnta (n.) Severely underemployed tree matchmaker.

Yrch! (interj.) Plural of “yuck”.
As Gollum pulled the worm out of the bog and sucked it down, the theater resounded with yrch.


Zent [see also Zent Buddhism] (n.) a form of religion known for its strict discipline. The more devoted followers each year empty their minds, and the minds of all those within a 5 mile radius, by reciting the four noble truths of forestry over a 10 month period.

Zima Wormtongue (n.) a very bad taste in the mouth; can be caused by anything, including the worst beer in history or the lackey for the worst white wizard in history. After drinking that sour milk and hanging out with my ex-boyfriend, I’ve got a killer Zima Wormtongue.

zirak-zigil (v.) To go by a tortuous but completely invisible route
Some critics would have preferred it if Frodo and Sam had zirak-zigilled straight from Mount Doom to the Grey Havens

zodiorc (n.) Astrological signs of middle earth. Includes Sauronaurus (born under the cranky Eastern star), Orca (the other black and white sign), Rohirra, (born under the Equus constellation), and Moria (born under a rock).
Aragories (21 March-20 April)
Thorus (21 April-21 May)
Gollumini (22 May-22 June)
Necrocancer (23 June-23 July)
Leogolas (24 July-23 August)
Valargo (24 August-23 September)
Elendilibra (24 September-23 October)
Sharkorpio (24 October-22 November)
Shagrattarius (23 November-22 December)
Capriborn (23 December-19 January)
Arathorius (20 January-19 February)
Samwisces (20 February-20 March) [inspired by Alberich]

Zug zug! (interj.) 1. An example of what Black Speech isn’t. (Warcraft II reference…) 2. Battlecry of Azog the Goblin.

zygoteleaf (n.) Embryo with a genetic predisposition towards gatekeeping and ruffianism.

ZZ Weathertop (n.) Popular facial-hair style involving a long, decrepit stone beard and a bald head.


CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.

EDITOR: make_it_stop


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