The Osgiliate Dictionary: Vol. 2 – H (Haldear – Huornery)

by Jul 23, 2004Other News

A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (July, 2004)
H: Haldear – Huornery

haldear (n.) a great person who’d march to Helm’s Deep and die for you. Awww.

haldeer (n.) The buck that jumps out into the middle of the road, dragging his entire herd with him.
The carefully crafted ambush turned into a melee when Joe decided to be a haldeer and pelt across the paintball pitch at full tilt.

Haldir caught in the headlights, a (colloq.) To be surprised, shocked, like the look on Haldir’s face when he got killed.
Boromir looked like a Haldir caught in the headlights when that first arrow hit him…

haldir hug (n.) the opposite of bear hug; a half-hearted hug.
Go on, if you don’t want to give your aunt a real hug, at least give her a haldir hug.
var. haldir moment: when faced with unwelcomed or sudden hugs one goes rigid for a moment.

haldirge (n.) a hymn of grief or lament, sung for a victim perceived to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time
Before leaving Helm’s Deep, the Helem Boys Choir sang a haldirge to honor the fallen Elves.

haldiridescent (adj.) Shiny, in the special way that only elves can be.

haldirk (v.) 1. to become irritated by the uncouth behavior of a creature one perceives to be inferior to oneself. synonym: haldirritate
“I’m sorry if my heavy breathing haldirks you, Master Elf,” retorted Gimli. “But those ladies(?) standing behind you are scaring me!”
2. a knife wielded by an elf, similar to those used by Legolas.

haldirndl (n.) dress with a tight bodice, short sleeves and gathered skirt.
Haldir would have been mortified if Aragorn had discovered him wearing his mother’s new haldirndl and curtsying in front of the bedroom mirror.

haldirony (hal-DEER-oh-nee, hal-DIE-roh-nee) (n.) 1. To show up at a battle, return some semblance of hope to the troops, die in a blaze of glory, and be completely overshadowed by some bleached nut on a nice horse the next morning. 2. To be cold and condescending to someone, only to die in their arms later in the plot.
I mean, Becky was, like, totally the first person to say that the 80s were back, but Tiffani was the one who started wearing leg warmers to school, so now everybody thinks she’s the trendsetter, which is, like, total haldirony for Becky, y’know?

haldirt (n.) Elven tabloid gossip.

ham fast (n.) Hobbit diet, consisting of seven days eating only ham. Effectiveness not guaranteed.

hamabushed (adj.) to be unexpectedly attacked.
The search party was hamabushed by a roving band of pre-schoolers.

hamanesia (n.) memory loss associated with a severe blow to the head.
After the garage door came down on his head, he suffered hamanesia for several weeks.

hamate (v.) To die prematurely.

Hamlet Gamgee (n.) Sam’s brooding, indecisive uncle, who has issues with Clothius Sackville-Baggins.

haradar (n.) Uncanny ability to sense trespassers, and eulogize them.
The forest was quiet that day. Faramir’s haradar tingled.

hasufeffer (n.) A dish native to Rohan. Also secret-recipe. (see Brego)

he fell (n.) a literal statement often mistaken for a metaphor.
“Come on, girl, pull yourself together!” said Gimli impatiently as he watched Eowyn collapse into a mass of blubbering tears. “I just said he fell! It’s not like we won’t be seeing him again. He’ll probably come walking right through that door any minute now. Sheesh.”

Helm-lich maneuver (n.) The forceful ejection of elves, through the judicious application of explosives.

Helm’s Angels (n.) ME’s equivalent to the biker gangs of our time.

Helm’s Bleep (n.) a joyful, but crude expletive uttered by fanboys around the world when they had their first glimpse of the online TTT trailer.
“Helm’s Bleep! Guys! You gotta see this!” yelled Mervin to his roommates as he mopped Budweiser off his keyboard.

Helm’s Deep-End (n.) What Theoden went off when he decided that fleeing to the Hornburg was a good idea.
Beth has barricaded herself in the study room, and exams aren’t for two months! I think she’s gone off the Helm’s Deep-End, if you know what I’m saying.

Helm’s Deet (n.) Military-grade brand of mosquito repellant used by the Fellowship as they ventured through the Midgewater Marsh.

Helm’s Depends (n.) a disposable undergarment used to…well, to protect one’s dignity.
Fortunately, the old fellow who accidentally let the first arrow fly was wearing Helm’s Depends when he caught his first glimpse of Saruman’s army.
“Deeeaaatthh!” cried Eoywn. “Rats,” muttered Merry, “I shouldn’t have left that package of Helm’s Depends back at camp.”


Helm’s Depot (n.) Mountain chain store for fortress improvement supplies.
At Helm’s Depot, Gamling bought an Achilles Heel® sewer grate and a can of Snowboard-Eze stair lubricant.
[Word and definition: NazgulRus. Usage: make_it_stop]

Helm’s Heap (n.) the garbage disposal area of a great fortress in Rohan.
Aragorn was not surprised to find numerous bowls of Eowyn’s stew in the Helm’s Heap.

Helm’s heave (adj.) nauseating, unpleasant.
This new Chinese restaurant’s menu is a bit Helm’s heave.
(v.) to make one nauseated or vomit.
Eowyn’s stew made even Gimli Helm’s heave.


Helm’s Reek (n.) any part of a building through which Aragorn has walked.
“Take courage, you rats!” shouted Ugluk. “Do not fear Helm’s Reek,for this is the age of the Orc!”

Helm’s Shallow (adj.) Of a person who attends battles mostly for the chance to watch hunky elves/humans beating on each other hunkily, and dying hunky deaths.
You’ve got wallpaper of Haldir’s death scene? That is so Helm’s Shallow!

henneth annul (v.) To dissolve a marriage.
When Faramir found out that Eowyn was cheating on him with Gimli, he had their marriage Henneth Annulled.

henneth annunGGHHH!! (interj.) The moment in a 3-hour movie where, after you have consumed several wastebasket-sized sodas, a waterfall scene appears.

henneth enunciate (n.) To speak slowly and very clearly regarding the local fishing laws.
Good thing all the Rangers have been taught how to henneth enunciate, because you can’t see their faces under their hoods.

hobbathos (n.) To wreck a beautiful passage or poem with the addition of a lame, anticlimactic coda. Examples of hobbathos include:

All shall fade…all shall fade…

Jesus wept buckets.

I came, I saw, I conquered. Then I had a snack.

hobbit (n.) a favorite and ever-recurring theme of discourse, thought, or effort; that which occupies one’s attention unduly, or to the weariness of others; a ruling passion.
Jane’s boyfriend was a little concerned when she took up dwarf-style axe fighting as her new hobbit.

hobbit syndrome (n.) when a person or persons come out of solitude to find that the rest of the world has forgotten about them. People who have developed hobbit syndrome often find that they are frequently mistaken for fairy-tales and/or orc spies.
Okay, I admit I was on the loo for a long time, but I never expected to get hobbit syndrome!

hobbi-tussle (n.) to engage in a rough argument or struggle when in the presence of an item perceived to be of great value
A fierce hobbi-tussle erupted when Pippin tried to take a bite of Fatty Bolger’s muffin.
Sam thought it better not to mention the hobbi-tussle between Frodo and Gollum in Elanor’s bedtime stories.


hobbo (n.) Penniless hobbit, wandering across Middle Earth looking for work.

Hole Improvement (n.) Sitcom with Tim Allen as a hobbit.

horn cloven in two (colloq.) euphemism for “passed away”. Variant: “it ain’t over till the horn is cloven”.
Let us bow our heads in a moment of silence for Pépé the hamster, whose horn was prematurely cloven in two.

hornburger (n.) “It isn’t much, but it’s hot”.

horn-of-Gondor (n.) A valiant, impressive but ultimately futile performance.
I gave a horn-of-Gondor presentation at the planning meeting, but they’ve cut my project anyway.

horse kiss (n.) has the power to bring someone out of a coma. Synonyms: eorlingus, bregotherapy.
Sleeping Beauty needed a horse kiss.

Houses of Peeling (n.) The sunburn ward at Minas Tirith.

howard sure (adj.; derived from Howard Shore) If you are howard sure, then you can be confident that it will happen in a good way.
I’m howard sure that the home team will win the game!

Hugh Helfner (n.) relation of Elrond; publisher of a risqué magazine for male elves, which most claim to read “only for the articles and interviews”.
“Um, no Galadriel, why-ever would you think this was mine?” asked Celeborn nervously as he quickly tossed the copy of PlayElf over the edge of the flet. “Elrond must have given Boromir a copy while they were at Rivendell. Hugh Helfner IS his cousin, you know.”

huornery (adj., colloq.) irritable, short-tempered; given to chewing up and spitting out the source of one’s aggravation.
When Uncle Cleetus is in that huornery mood, don’t say a word about his comb-over; he can become wild and dangerous!


CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.

EDITOR: make_it_stop


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