THE OSGILIATE DICTIONARY: VOLUME 2
A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (June, 2004)
G: Galadiance – Gwhyhere?
galadiance (n.) Multiple twinkling highlights on each pupil, caused by proximity to Christmas tree lights.
At the restaurant Sheila artfully seated herself across from her date, facing the lights in the front window, so that her eyes would sparkle with galadiance.
galadrill (n.) A practice run-through for a thermonuclear hissy fit. (v.) To pitch the mother of all tantrums without really meaning it.
No, I’m not really mad at you. It was just a galadrill.
gamgeer, -geered, -geegay. (n.) an election fixer. (v.) to fix an election; to stuff a ballot box.
gamjell (v.) to collapse into a quivering mass of tears.
“Oh, c’mon, buck up there, Sam,” remarked Frodo coldly as he watched Sam gamjell before his very eyes. “If you can’t find your way home, just ask one of those soldiers marching past the bottom of the Stair.”
gandalf, pull a (v.) 1. use wizard-fu (see below), 2. completely surprise anyone who has known you for more than 5 minutes (by using wizard-fu, for example), 3. leave by stating, “My time here is over.”
gandelft (n.) a special limited edition of dwarrowdelft. Grey, pleasantly rough texture. If you happen to drop it, it breaks to pieces, but pulls itself back together and becomes radiantly white, with gold accents.
gandgulf (n.) A deep shaft, inside of which classical Newtonian physics are suspended.
Vanessa fell into the Gandgulf ten minutes after her sword, parachute, and breakfast burrito took the plunge; but she was able to overtake all of them quickly, slay the Balrog, and solve Fermat’s last theorem before hitting bottom.
ganondalf (n.) What happens when you mix several gaming consoles, Lord of the Rings, The Legend of Zelda, and a splash or two of alcohol. Synonyms: Legolink, Zeldarwen.
gap of rohan (n.) a short cut that usually cannot be taken, or if so, has dire consequences.
He was going to take the test but decided that he would take the gap of rohan and cheat.
Garlicbereth (n.) Greatly revered and feared Pizza Queen. ‘Tis said that her speech, nay, her very presence caused instant death. Also known as Gilthonionel (Oven-Kindler).
gate tectonics (n.) The tendency of sinkholes, when emanating from evil fortresses, to stop right at the feet of the opposing army.
geology of Middle Earth Mineral composition of Middle Earth includes: shireite (a mineral with very “nice” chemical properties; avoid ingesting it, as it will give you hairy feet and make you shorter); rivendellite (people have used this rock for ages as a means to ward off evil, but the half life of its decay is somewhat short, so supply of it is fading away); isengardium (a highly toxic material, flammable); morium (found only deep below the ground, rich in mithril); ring stone (touching this rock brings special powers, an ore rich in gold, but also containing mysterious substances); and gimlite (usually found in small chunks, moss can grow on it (looking like a beard); do not, under any circumstances, toss this rock, as it will combust).
Also: hobbitite, pheriannite (metal that is apparently soft but is really much tougher than it appears), bandobrass (tougher variety of pheriannite), and borosilicate and farasilicate (has a longer half-life than borosilicate) which are derivatives of denethrite (a very hard but unstable and flammable metal found in Gondor).
Alternate name for rivendellite: imladrite
ghan-buried-ghan (adj.) A book character so completely cut out from the cinematic edition of LOTR, that nobody even remembers who they were. May also denote a friend that you haven’t thought of in years.
“What happened to Goldberry?”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you? She’s ghan-buried-ghan.”
gimleak (n.) someone who doesn’t know how to keep his or her mouth shut.
gimleap (n.) A dwarf-toss.
Var. gimleap of faith the trust that you’ll be tossed far enough to make it onto the bridge and that the tosser won’t tell the Elf!
gimleek (n.) related to the onion family, goes great with Legolini and alfrodo sauce.
gimlemur (n.) a small monkey that doesn’t need tossing, and can toss itself from Ent to Ent.
gimli (n.) a squat shaped pasta.
Mom, are we having ziti, gimli, or elbows?
Is the baked gimli almost done?
1. Compare frodini/nazgini (ring shaped pasta), boromirini (horn shaped pasta), galadrietti (bright shiny pasta), sarumanetti (seriously warped pasta), gollumini (pasta of uncertain, shifting shape), legolini (pasta in a physically impossible shape).
2. alfrodo sauce
3. Finrotini (a pasta that ties itself in knots) and Faramara sauce (please don’t overheat).
gimlick (n.) 1. A crude, often scatological, comment or joke made at the moment of great emotional tension. (v.) 2. To debase someone’s character, causing a strong and noble person appear foolish and uncouth.
Aunt Lucinda was horrified by Johnny’s gimlicks at his great-grandma’s funeral.
I got my performance review, and boy was I gimlicked!
gimlip (n.) (slang) backtalk; brash or impertinent opinions.
Don’t you give me no gimlip, young lady!
gimpli (n.) usually a person with any sort of injury that impairs walking (ie Bret Beaty and the poor guy’s knees).
give it to me raw and wriggling (interj.) 1) To ask for the unvarnished truth.
Don’t sugarcoat it, Doc…give it to me raw and wriggling.
2) To express a preference for the purest, least watered-down version of something.
No, don’t bother with the olive, the vermouth, or the little umbrella. Give me my vodka rrrraw, and wriggling.
glamstring (n.) A special, extrasensory Elven muscle that controls curvature of cheekbones and glistening of brows.
Figwit couldn’t make it to Helm’s Deep, because he’d pulled a glamstring.
gloin strain (n.) Injury caused by excessive wielding of heavy axes.
glorfidelity (n.) unwavering, undying loyalty.
Even though he was not in the movie, the Elf-warrior still inspired glorfidelity and there were plenty of those wishing to glorfondle him.
glorfindilly-dally (v.) To wander off and shirk your obligations, thus allowing some far less-qualified person to steal your horse and make a big show out of “saving the day.”
glorfondle (v.) What fangirls want to do to Legolas.
glorinfidel (n.) One who believes Arwen was much better qualified to carry Frodo to the Ford.
go take a long, long, long, long flaming leap off a long, long, long pier (colloq.) Gondorian slang for “get lost!”
go to Gondor (v.) 1. go to The Biggest Battle Ever, 2. prepare to go to the Biggest Battle Ever, 3. go to a place where one will probably get their a** kicked.
1. “Steve has to go see the boss. He is so going to Gondor.”
2. “Why don’t you take your Orlando bashing to fandom? Oh, you don’t feel like going to Gondor?”
Alternate form: gondorize (v.)
gobblins (n.) Fat greedy orcs.
gollible (adj.) easily tricksied.
My great aunt is so gollible, she thinks Cher has retained her natural beauty and aged remarkably well.
Gollum, the (n.) a small, mean person who imagines himself to be big, bad, and dangerous.
Don’t get involved, honey! It’s just the bikers, wiping the floor with a local The Gollum.
gollumize (v.) To become overly obsessed with something, so much so, that it possesses you.
gollumni (n.) graduates of sushi preparation school.
gollumniac (n.) someone who talks to him/herself.
Look at that guy over there, he’s such a gollumniac!
gondoodad (n.) useless or exaggerated winged ornamentation on a hat or helmet. synonym: gondoohickey
Not only do the courtyard guards’ gondoodads LOOK ridiculous, but they can be dangerous in a high wind. “We lose more good men that way,”, said the Captain, as he watched the guard sail over the parapet.
gondorable (adj.) (1) A genetic disposition to manly beauty.
Her new boyfriend is absolutely gondorable!
(2) Lovely to look at, making one feel warm and fuzzy.
Those fluffy yellow slippers looked gondorable on the Uruk-Hai.
gon-dorian Gray (n.) Eternally youthful, dissipated knight with a bit of a Wilde streak.
gondork (n.) a male, instantly transformed from starkly handsome to nerdy by donning any helmet equipped with a gondoodad.
The Royal Gondorks of the White Tree were humiliated to learn that the entire Gondorian army was snickering behind their backs.
2. Dumb Gondorians, like the archers who don’t even attempt to shoot the Nazgul down like Faramir did. (Or maybe the knights who charge down an wide open plain to be turned into pincushions. Wasn’t there any other battle plan?)
See also: mordork
gondorla (n.) Boromir’s funeral boat. (Yes, I know it was really an Elven boat. Shush.)
gondormitory (n.) military barracks reserved strictly for impossibly beautiful males.
“My fondest daydream,” remarked shieldmatron to Tinsel the Elf, “is to be a French maid assigned to the Gondormitory. Any Gondormitory. The night shift.”
gondorphins (n.) Pleasurable neurotransmitters released in response to faramones.
The audience sighed as its collective gondorphin level climbed.
gondorrhea (n.) Also known as “Steward’s Revenge”. According to the guidebooks, you shouldn’t drink the water at Minas Tirith.
gondorsal fin (n.) Nickname for a permanent cowlick of hair caused by wearing pointy Gondorian helmets.
Try as he might, Faramir couldn’t make his gondorsal fin lie flat. And tonight was the big dance!
gondorsement (n.) Public approval of a product by a Steward for advertising purposes.
Following Denethor’s posthumous gondorsement of Scorch-O-Riffic® matches, sales caught fire.
gondorwaddle (v.) to walk or run stiffly with a side to side, duck-like motion as if encased in ill-fitting armor.
After viewing RotK, most of the audience quickly gondorwaddled to the restrooms.
gorebag (n.) Two-handled tote used by the Orcs to carry souvenir body parts.
Hands off my gorebag, Gorbag!!
Deriv. `gorehag’. 1. Any of a number of orc female servants used to carry said totes. 2. Tipper.
gorgorgorp (n.) Unsavory mixture of rodent parts, dried mallorn bark, and chocolate skulls eaten by Orcs while trudging to the gates of Mordor.
gothmog (n.) Sudden vanishing act by important person, usually when something goes wrong.
When the office floor got stained with mud from our shoes, the janitor pulled a gothmog on us.
goth-moggic (adj.) describing a style that is soaring in height and decorated with mutilated effigies of humans etc and back-lit in de rigeur red.
gothmug (n.) a round straight-sided cup with a handle, typically made of earthenware, and used in Minas Morgul.
gothsmug (n.) self-satisfaction, exhibited by an arrogant facial expression.
Yes, I know you predicted a clean sweep at the Oscars, but you don’t have to be so gothsmug about it!
grandalf (n.) a great person, place, thing, or action.
grandalf theft horse (n.) to steal a Mearas.
Theoden nearly blew a gasket when he saw Gandalf commit grandalf theft horse with his Shadowfax.
Grey Heaving (n.) Bilbo and Frodo suffered a slight bout of “mal de mer” as their ship departed for the West.
greave (v.) To mourn the loss of shin protection.
Don’t greave. I’ll get you another pair.
grimace (n.) One’s facial expression after having been fired and/or thrown out on your…ear. (v.) To make any such expression.
grimasize (adj.) something small and annoying. (v.) to banish, ostracize.
Those grimasize midges are annoying.
Frodo grimasized Sam after he thought he wanted to take the ring from him.
grimoniker (n.) An unfortunate name that drives a character to a life of crime.
“Your name is Hissy Evilpants?” said Theoden. “You’re hired!”
Hissy smiled. No longer would the other kids make fun of his grimoniker.
grishnack (n.) Orc nibbles; particularly hobbit legs. Mmmm.
grondify (v.) induce a state of shock, scare speechless.
Bernd, quit grondifying the n00bs.
She was grondified before her finals.
grondious (adj.) big and scary, but impressive in its own way.
Did you see that grondious Helm’s Angel boyfriend Ashley brought to the party?
grondmother-of-a- (colloq.) impressive; obscenely formidable.
“Yessiree,” remarked Chief OrcSmith #86 proudly as he watched his handiwork being rolled off the assembly line. “That is one honking big grond mother-of-a- battering ram!”
grond opera (n.) A Tolkien-related opera in which there is no spoken dialogue; all the lines are sung. Examples: “Your tiny hand is missing a finger”, “Oh, for the wings of a Balrog”
[Word and definition: andurilwest. Examples: Alberich. Repertoire: make_it_stop, Alberich]
Other Grond operas in the repertoire:
(– from Der Ring das Mablungen)
The Marriage of Figwit
Cozy Ent Mooty
Éoda (Aida, geddit??)
grond-slam (n.) To strike something very hard.
GSON (n.) Abbreviation used in lonely hearts adverts in Rivendell. Short for: Good Sense of Númenor.
Wanted: Man, unattached, 75-120, Excellent swordplay, GSON.
gwhyhere? (interj.) Yelled by anyone who is slightly annoyed by the eagles’ conveniently timely appearances … just about everywhere, come to think about it.
CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.