THE OSGILIATE DICTIONARY: VOLUME 2
A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (May, 2004)
C: Cair Androgynous – Cry for Eagles
cair androgynous (adj.) (of an island) Ambiguously gendered.
Iceland is butch, but I always thought Madagascar was rather cair androgynous.
Captain Underhill-Pants (n.) a hobbity children’s book character, popularized during the Fifth Age of M.E. Known for crude but hilarious adventures involving spit, boogers, poopie diapers, and stinky feet.
Sam would have been horrified to find his great-great-great grandchildren had not only forgotten Frodo’s true sacrifice, but his story had been trivialized by tales of the wickedly naughty Captain Underhill-Pants.
caradharass (v.) To hinder another’s passage through a narrow gap.
Tom’s boss caradharassed him in the hallway, and he was forced to duck into the stairwell to escape.
caradharsis (cair – uh – THAR – sis) (n.) the emotional release that an observer experiences while watching a scene in a movie in which the main character(s) escape from a dangerous situation.
When the battle sequence ended and the protagonist was still alive, I went almost numb from my caradharsis.
carrothras (n.) a new super hybrid carrot Merry developed for Union Carbide that is unbreakable at any height and eats other vegetables.
cars in Middle Earth (colloq.) funny mistakes or bloopers. Based on the car that was in the background of the scene when Sam says, “I go one step further and I’ll be the furthest from home I’ve ever been.”
Laura’s such a car in Middle Earth during rehearsal. She always says Bob Crotchit, and not Cratchit.
case of balrog wings, a (colloq.) An issue that shows no sign of disappearing. Or, an issue that’s been discussed to death.
celebimbo (n.) An elf whose sole function is to stand in the background and look pretty.
Hey Doreen…check out the celebimbos at Helm’s Deep!
celeboard (n.) in film-making or theater, a corrugated substance used to construct stand-ins for actors with insignificant dialogue.
PJ saved a boatload of money by replacing Martin Csokas with celeboard.
celebordeaux (n.) a highly intoxicating red wine, developed especially for the Lord of Lorien.
When Galadriel allowed her husband to make public appearances, the poor fellow would prepare by downing buckets of celebordeaux.
celebordello (n.) secret establishment of late-night entertainment, known only to the Lord of Lorien’s personal security detail.
“You just THINK you’ve seen Galadriel go radioactive,” whispered Haldir to the Captain. “Trust me, if you breathe a word to anyone about the celebordello, we’re ALL toast.”
celebore (n.) a person who is annoyingly uninteresting to the point of resembling cardboard.
My last blind date was such a celebore!
celeborg (n.) a mechanical prototype to be used as a substitute for a live actor.
Before replacing Martin Csokas with celeboard, Weta experimented with a celeborg, but decided the effect was too life-like.
celebork (v.) To block confirmation of a haughty, well-groomed judicial nominee.
Cerumen (n.) The ear-wax wizard.
“Bring me the Ear-Wax Hobbit!” thundered Cerumen. “His forefinger is of great value to me.”
(Ed. note: Cerumen is the medical term for ear-wax.)
[Word: thedaimonlucifer. Definition and usage: make_it_stop]
Chica Chubb (n., trademark) A pottery planter shaped in the likeness of a hobbit’s head, and on which salvia seeds sprout.
cirith angle (n.) A vertigo-inducing camera viewpoint.
“Oh, man,” Alvin whispered as Sam, Gollum, and Frodo clambered up the Secret Stair, “these Cirith Angles are making me sick!”
Cirith Mongol (n.) The labyrinthine, unkempt, and poorly lit palace of Ghengis Khan.
cirith strangle (v.) To make a dire threat that you have no real power to enforce.
The clammy Cirith Strangle of my boss closed around my windpipe. “May death find you quickly if you don’t have that report on my desk by 5 pm.” Little did he know that my resignation was sitting in his email box.
cirith uncle (n.) A shadowy relative within whom “a dark terror dwells”, and who usually shows up uninvited at the yearly Auntmoot.
Cirith Unger (n.) Cold, harsh, daunting, craggy-faced sister of Felix Unger.
cirith unglued (adj.) reactions of arachnophobics to the Shelob scene.
When the 6′ 4″ macho-man seated next to me became Cirith Unglued , falling into a heap on the floor, we thoughtfully rolled him into the corner so no one would step on him.
claim the Ring (v.) to opt for what appears to be irresistible but is in fact deadly. Compare Palanterrific, Paths of the Dead.
Jack knew that Minas-soft programmers had to work around the clock, but the salary was so good that he claimed the Ring and signed up anyway.
coarsehairs, to have one by the (colloq.) To have the enemy in an extremely uncomfortable position, especially with respect to a very large battle to which they are expecting backup.
Thingol and Daeron thought their kickball team was the best in Doriath, but when the other team brought out Finrod as their secret weapon, they knew Beren had them by the coarsehairs.
cormallencholy (adj.) Sad because you didn’t get to go to the big party after the War of the Ring ended.
Eowyn felt cormallencholy in the Houses of Healing, which she attributed to the fact that they wouldn’t let her have anything but Jello.
cotton on (v.) form a close attachment to hero of story, in spite of having no role in it (similar to: “do an arwen” (archaic/literary)).
a couple of hobbits short of a Fellowship (colloq.) A person who is not all there, or not in possession of all of his/her marbles.
Denethor is a couple of hobbits short of a Fellowship, if you know what I mean.
– surfing at Helm’s Deep
– his/her White City doesn’t go all the way to the seventh level
– not the sharpest shard in the Narsil
– a little too much tra-la-la-lalley in his/her valley
– a permanent busy signal in his/her palantir
– the dwarves are being tossed, but they’re not landing
– his/her Nazgul are still circling Osgiliath
– there’s a dead White Tree in his/her courtyard
– not the brightest ring in the mithril shirt
– no drums in his/her deep
– the beacons are lit, but nobody’s answering
– a few Stewards short of a pyre
– a few eagles short of a rescue
– not the brightest gem in the Evenstar necklace
– a few horses short of an éored
– like an Entmoot in slow motion
– his/her caves don’t glitter
– the ladder doesn’t reach his/her flet
cracked (adj.) You have found that one thing that means everything to you. You feel so happy. Nothing bad is going to happen now. Not ever.
craics of doom (n.) Having so much fun, you explode either literally (puking) or figuratively (passing out from exertion of running around having fun). Not so much a good thing. (Just in case: Craic is Irish for fun).
Bubba Bo Bob Brain was bordering on suffering from craics of doom during his 21st birthday party.
crickhollow (n.) Calcified bone deposit caused by sitting still through multiple viewings of 3-hour movies.
“Ouch,” said Wanda, as they stood up from the LOTR marathon, “I’ve got a nasty crickhollow in my neck”.
crumbs on his jacketses (n.) Middle-earth-speak for “red herring”.
cry for eagles (v.) wishing to be saved from a hopeless situation.
Caught in a p/r debate, the pragmatist cried for eagles.
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