(Frodo is playing a GameBoy while sitting in a tree. Suddenly he hears a voice humming)
Gandalf: (humming) Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man? Do you know the muffin man? He lives on Drury Lane…
(Frodo runs up)
Frodo: You’re late! You look terrible!
Gandalf: (looks at Frodo) Huh? (dusts off his cloak and straightens his hat) I just sent these to the dry cleaners!
Frodo: Oops! This is Leggie’s script. Ummm…(fumbles through several scripts) “APPLES!” No, not mine… “can’t find my ears, Ada”–uh, definitely not mine. Aha! (looks up) Gandalf! You’re late!
Gandalf: A wizard is never late, you fool of a Baggins, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to…unless his alarm doesn’t go off…
Frodo: Oh, it’s wonderful to see you, Gandalf! (leaps into cart) Do you have a pencil??
Gandalf: (pats Frodo on the head) You don’t think I’d miss your Uncle Bilbo’s birthday? I even got him a new blender! Oh and no, I don’t have a pencil.
Frodo: (wails, then brightens) Well, what news of the outside world? Tell me EVERYTHING!
Gandalf: Everything? You are eager and curious for a sockbit, most unnatural. (they drive along for a while. Then Gandalf sees a bunch of sockbits putting up a banner that states: “Happy Birthday, Bilbo Baggins!” and making other such preparations)
Gandalf: OH! A highly anticipated social event related to age. So how is the old rascal? I hear it’s going to be a party of special magnifi- manigif- magnifi- mag- MAGNIFICENCE! THAT’S IT!!!!
Frodo: Ummmm, yeah. You know Bilbo. *sniff!* He’s got the whole place in an uproar. It’s *sniff* too loud.
Gandalf: That should please him.
Frodo: Half the Shire has been invited, and the rest is showing up anyway!
Gandalf: Good gravy.
Pippin: Mmmmm, gravy!
Frodo & Gandalf: GO AWAY, PIPPIN!
Frodo: Anyway, Bilbo is up to something.
Gandalf: Really? Mmmmm…
Frodo: All right, keep your secrets! Before YOU came along, we Bagginses were very well thought of.
Frodo: We never had any adventures or did anything unexpected, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Hold on, my cell phone is ringing…oh, never mind, that was just telling me I had a message, but if you were referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved! All I did was give your uncle a really, really hard shove out the door…(musing)…maybe I shouldn’t have. The ground was strangely hard that day.
Frodo: Whatever you did, you’ve been officially labeled a disturber of the peace. Your picture is tacked up in the post office and everything.
Cute Sockbit Children: Gandalf, Gandalf…fireworks…
(Gandalf fires a few fireworks off, the children cheer and wave their knife sets, Proudfoots looking on)
Frodo: Gandalf, I’m *sniff* glad you’re back.
Gandalf: (as Frodo jumps out of the cart) So am I, dear boy, so am I.