Bilbo: (“Invisibly” opens gate and goes up steps, reappears cackling inside Bag End)
Gandalf: (showing up out of nowhere) I suppose you think that was terribly clever…
Bilbo: (not at all surprised) Come on, Gandalf, did you see their faces!
Gandalf: There are many magic socks in this world, Bilbo Baggins, and NONE of them should be used lightly.
Bilbo: But it barely weighs an ounce, Gandalf! It was just a bit of fun. Oh you’re probably right, as usual. You will keep an eye on Frodo, won’t you?
Gandalf: Two eyes, as often as I can spare them… Three, if I can find one more.
Bilbo: I’m leaving all my stuff to him.
Gandalf: What about this sock of yours, is that staying too?
Bilbo: Yes, yes, it’s in an envelope over there on the harpsichord.
No, wait… it’s here in my pocket…Isn’t that, isn’t that skooky…After all, why not, why shouldn’t I keep it… IT’S MINE!
Gandalf: Um, I think you’d better leave the Sock behind, Bilbo.Is that so hard?
Bilbo: Well, YES! Now it comes to it, I don’t feel like parting with it. It’s minnnne, I found it, it came to me!
Gandalf: There’s no need to get angry…
Bilbo: Well, if I’m angry, it’s your fault! It’s mine, my own, my precioussssssss!
Gandalf: Precious? It’s been called by you, but not before… Wait, hang on…that made NO sense…
Bilbo: AIIEEE!! What business is it of yourswhat I do with my own things?
Gandalf: I think you have had that Sock quite long enough.
Bilbo: You want it for yourself!
Gandalf: Bilbo Baggins!!!
Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks!!
(the room darkens to a weird purpley color) I am NOT trying to rob you…I’m trying to help you. I wouldn’t want that thing in a billion years.
Bilbo: (He whimpers, sniffs, and hugs Gandalf. Apparently it runs in the family)
Gandalf: All your long, long, long years, we’ve been friends. Trust me, okay? Let it go…
Bilbo: You’re right Gandalf… The Sock must go to Frodo.It’s late, the road is long. Yes, it is time…
By the way, that’s not funny.
Gandalf: The Sock is still in your pocket…
Bilbo: Oh, yeah… (finally he drops it and it lands with a SPLAT)
(they go outside)
Bilbo: I’ve thought up an ending for my book: And he lived happily ever after, to the end of his days.
Gandalf: And I’m sure you will. But that is a cliché, you know.
Bilbo: So long, Gandalf.
Gandalf: So long, Bilbo.
Bilbo: (singing off-key) The road goes ever on and ondown from the door where it began…
Gandalf: And it never stops…ack. I need a soda. See ya! (scene cut curtain falls on him) Ow. VEASSE!