***The following PREVIEW has been approved for ALL AUDIENCES by the MPAME***
(Random Cinemas logo floats onscreen momentarily. The camera scans over peaceful green fields, as far as the eye can see. It is the image of tranquillity.
Suddenly, a giant sickle-wielding beaver squooshes the entire land.)
Pippin: Wait – that wasn’t in the script…was it??
Mr. Voice: Coming to Reading Rooms sometime soonish – the most awaited classic of the year.
Isildur: (nabs the Sock and the Shards of Narsil and scampers off as Sockron implodes)
Mr. Voice: Sometime soon…
Galadriel: Here, have a snow cone.
(Gandalf bangs on Bilbo’s door and nearly knocks a hole in it)
Mr. Voice: The legend…
Pippin: I wanna be a wraith! This is so unfair!!
(Gandalf is bitten by growling weeds)
Saruman: They will find the Sock – and SQUISH the one who carries it!
Mr. Voice: Comes to life.
Boromir: (sits up in boat) SEE?! I told you I wasn’t dead!!
Mr. Voice: No, not you!
Boromir: (mutters inaudibly)
(the following clips play in rapid succession)
(Arwen and her dune-buggy scoot away from the Zôkgûl on their motorcycles.)
Gandalf: Sockron needs the Precious Sock to take over the whole entire world so that he can tell stale jokes all day long and laugh evilly whenever he wants to!
(Frodo eats a morgûl-brownie)
Legolas: I’M not human. I’m Elvish!
Sockwraith: You’re ELVIS?!?!
Gandalf (to Frodo): I don’t have a pencil, okay?!
(We hear drums and electric guitars and keyboards playing in complete discord. Everyone grabs their weapons)
(Celeborn singing like Bing Crosby)
(Merry and Pippin toasting marshmallows in Lothlórien)
Mr. Voice: The Lord of the Socks: The Fellowship of the Sock (as the logo shows up on a black screen)
Strider: He needs Elvis’s medicine.
Frodo: Ahh! No I don’t!
Strider: Shut up, you’re unconscious!
Frodo: Oh yeah. (flops over)
Mr. Voice: In a Reading Room near you shortly.