(Random Cinemas logo floats momentarily onscreen upside-down as music rises. Camera pans over lots of green, rolling hills as far as the eye can see, dotted with mounds that look like houses of some sort, roads, and rivers. Suddenly a cry splits the air.)
Frodo: I NEED A PENCIL!!!
(Isildur yanks the Sock off of Sockron’s dismembered foot and gazes at it reverently as purple embroidery snakes across the top)
TO RULE THEM ALL
(The Sock on Sockron’s foot, glowing with fierce glowy purple embroidery as Sockron marches to battle)
(Gollum sings lullabies to his precious sockie)
TO FIND THEM
(Sockwraiths speed out of Minas Morgûl on their motorcycles–one has a sidecar in which resides the Baby Sockwraith, Number Ten)
(Frodo sniffling, with the Sock tied around his neck in a bowtie)
TO BRING THEM ALL
(The Sorcs spray silly-string all over the Next-To-The-Last-Alliance)
AND IN THE DRYER
(a looming shadowy ominous morbid creepy spooky dryer)
(the following scene clips play in rapid succession and the music becomes very loud)
Frodo: We’re being FILMED?! (wails)
(growling weeds bite Strider as he sets his mysterious non-foliage-burning torch down to get some athelas)
(Gollum screams as he is tortured by Sauron’s minons SHIRE! BAGGINS! FIIISH!
Boromir: (hopping around Narsil chamber clutching his thumb) BAND-AID! BAND-AID! BAND-AID!
Sockwraith, to Legolas: You’re ELVIS?! I’ve always been a secret fan of yours!
(Frodo yells as he is whipped around by the Watcher: ) WHEEEEEEEE!
(Uruk-hai doing the can-can and singing “find the Halflings” in time to their movements)
(Boromir and Lurtz playing competitive pinball)
The Sock: Why did the chicken cross the road…?
THE LORD OF THE SOCKS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE SOCK
Evil Emperor Zurg: CURSE YOU, LEGOLAS GREENLEAF!
(everyone in the Council-chamber snickers and mutters “Greenleaf”
THE INSANITY BEINGS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON (i.e. National Mutant Kitty Appreciation Week)