Strider: This was once the headquarters of the FBI. We’ll stop here tonight. (the sockbits exchange nervous glances)
(They reach Weathertop and halt to set up camp)
Strider: (randomly produces swords and hands them to the sockbits) These are for you; keep them close. I’m going to have a look around. Stay here! Watch out for weeds!
(Frodo falls asleep, then wakes up suddenly to the sound of chattering)
Merry: Want a s’more, Sam?
Frodo: EERP! What are you doing?!
Merry: Tomatoes, pizza, sausages, Eggo waffles, s’mores, nice crispy bacon…
Frodo: AAAAAAAH! PRODUCT PLACEMENT!!! BAAANUI!
Banui: (offstage) DEAL WITH IT.
Sam: We saved some for you, Mr. Frodo. (hands him a waffle)
Frodo: Put it out, you fish flops! Put it out!! (stamps on the fire with his bare foot, which is a pretty dumb thing to do)
Pippin: Well, that’s nice–you got ash in my toaster strudel!
(We see what the Zôkgûl see – the bright campfireon the side of Weathertop just before Frodo stamps it out – and we hear them screaming their discovery…
The Zôkgûl come charging up the hill, snickering. One of them bears a hefty plate of delicious looking chocolate brownies. They surround the sockbits, chortling.)
Sam: Back, you fish flops!
(Frodo puts on the Sock. The Witch-King reaches to snatch it but Frodo resists and pulls his hand back, so the Sockwraith holds out the plate of brownies. Frodo looks at them hungrily and grabs the largest one, stuffing it into his mouth. He turns grey as he swallows–this is a morgûl-brownie!! As the Sockwraiths chortle again, Frodo eerps and, with his last strength, yanks off the Sock. Strider leaps in between the sockbits and the Zôkgûl, with torch flaming and pillow swinging)
(Strider and the Sockwraiths become engaged in a pillow fight. At last, the Sockwraiths scream and run off. Strider puts away his pillow and runs over to Frodo.)
Sam: Strider! Help him, Strider!
Strider: (he picks up the plate of brownies lying abandoned on the ground. It disintegrates in his hands) He’s consumed morgûl-brownies. This is beyond my skill to heal–he needs Elvis’s medicine.
Frodo: Ahh! No I don’t!
Strider: Shut up, you’re unconscious!
Frodo: Oh yeah. (flops over)
(Strider picks up Frodo; next we see them all rushing through the woods, as he speaks to the other three sockbits) Hurry!
Sam: We’re six days from Rivendell – he’ll never make it!
Strider: Hold on Frodo!
THE CASINO OF ISENGARD
(We swoop down through the Isengard casino, up to the top of Orthanc where a messenger pigeon flies up. Gandalf catches it and attaches a note to its leg, then lets it go)
(Another sweeping shot back down the side of Orthanc and into the casino: Sorcs are working furiously, making weapons and armor. Others are playing the slots. Saruman arrives with some of his minions, watching the activities. They observe the birth of Lurtz, who promptly strangles the Sorc Overseer)