Sam: Mr. Frodo? Frodo?? Frodoooooooooo!! (he finds him) I thought you’d poofed or something! Or the peanut butter got you! I KNEW it was hatching a sinister plot!
Frodo: What are you talking about? IS THE PEANUT BUTTER EVIL?!?! (wails)
Sam: It’s just sumpthin’ that Gandalf said: “Don’t you lose him, Samwise Gamgee,” and I don’t mean to.
Frodo: Just as long as the peanut butter isn’t evil…but we’re still in the Shire–what could possibly happen??
(Pippin and Merry burst out of the corn and bowl over Sam and Frodo)
Pippin: Frodo! Merry, it’s Frodo Baggins!
Merry: Hullo, Frodo! (pats Frodo on the head)
Sam: Get off him…What’s the meaning of this?
Merry: Hold these (He loads Sam up with stolen explosives)
Sam: You’ve been into Farmer Maggot’s explosives… (looks down at the myriad of bombs in his arms and freaks out) IT’S TICKING!
Farmer Maggot: (ranting offscreen) Hey you, stay outta my garage!
Merry: I don’t know why he’s so upset, it was only a couple of dynamites
Pippin: …and some bombs…and those three bags of grenades that we lifted last week…and then the big thingy the week before.
Merry: Yes, Pippin, my point is, he’s clearly over-reacting
(they get to the edge of the cliff and stop, until Sam bumps into them, then they all tumble down the cliff)
Pippin: (upside-down) Ooh, that was close…
Merry: I think I’ve broken something HEY! My punctuation’s missing again!
Sam: It’s been missing through the whole scene. Trust a Brandybuck and a Took…
Merry: What? That was just a…(grabs thesaurus)…detour, bypass, alternative route, deviation–shortcut. (Ooh, it’s back!)
Sam: A shortcut to what?
Pippin: Death caps! (they all rush towards the death caps hungrily)
(After a while, Frodo senses something on the road)
Frodo: I think we should get off the road… (everyone is busy devouring and collecting death caps and ignores him)
(a yodeling sound comes up the road. Frodo grabs a megaphone out of nowhere and yells into it) Get off the road!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quick!!!!!!!!!!!!
(they hide down in some tree roots; the Off-White Rider comes up then gets off his motorcycle and bends down and battles a sinus infection. Bugs crawl randomly out of the woodwork; Frodo is tempted to put on the Sock. Sam stops him, then Merry bravely sacrifices his death caps, tossing them to distract the Off-White Rider, who zooms off to investigate)
Merry: What was that?
Frodo: (looks down at the Sock in his hand and sniffles)