The Lord of the Onion Rings
This is…The Lord of the Onion Rings.
(Bilbo: Buba Frodo: Frito Gandalf: Gandhi Merry: Scary Pippin: Popo)
It is in the country of The Liar and the small town of Hoppiton, where the Hoppits live quite happily, even if they are a bit small. This scene takes place at Buba’s birthday party.
Buba: And there they were. Three puny trolls. All arguing about whether they should wait until the pizza arrived and then serve us for dessert, or to roast us all on the chicken spit over the charcoal grill. Then, Gandi got so sick and tired of their bickering, that he used his staff to cause the sun to come up and turn them all into mushrooms!
Little Hoppit: That was a stupid story.
Buba: Humph. Speak for yourself.
Scary: No no no…the big one. UUUGGHHH! Not that, that’s puny…so’s that one. NO! The Nice Big Red One.
Popo: Big Red? Gum? Where?
Scary: No,no,no, idiot. The nice big red shiny porcupine one that is next to your big red shiny porcupine head… well…
Popo: Oh…that. (grabs a porcupine firecracker off of Gandhi’s cart)
Scary: (whispers)Go on
Popo: (lights the firecracker)
Scary: You’re supposed to stick it in the ground!
Popo: It is in the ground!
Scary: But I stuck it in the ground when YOU were supposed to and YOU are supposed to do it outside……………AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Frito: Buba, watch out for the giant porcupine!
Buba: Nonsense, Frito my lad, there hasn’t been a porcupine in the Liar for two whole ye-eears!!!!!!!
Scary: Let’s get another one……aahhh!
Gandhi: (appears wearing a Cheez-it box on his head, broom in his hand, and a tablecloth draped over his shoulders) Scarytonatomus Miamipluck…and Popopopopopopopopopopopopopopo Toot…I might have known.
(Gandhi sets them to work: washing dishes, scrubbing floors , cleaning his toe jam…yeah, ew)
Buba: My dear Hoppits!!! My deer Bad-in-sense (Bagginses) and Boppins(Boffins). My deer Miamiplucks and Toots. Ummmmmm…somethings…somethings…and Proudfoots.
Old Proudfoot: PROUDFEET!!
Buba: (mutters)Proudfoots…stupid, mangy, old…(as an old Sockville- Bad-in-sense throws a mushy potato at him) @#$%,&*!!!!!!! (normal voice) I don’t like half of you as much as I like, and you don’t like half of you as much as a can of beeforoni deserves…uhhh…nevermind.(crowd begins to mutter in confusion) I-I am sorry to that this is the end. I am leaving now. Tata.
So thus ends that part. The end.