Yo! Once I was a hobbit with an attitude
But when Déagol got the Precious I told him “Dude!”
“Give that to us, my love, my gnarly man,
If you do, then I’ll be your biggest fan!”
And then Déagol had to be a real wise-guy,
The only answer he would give was a measly “Why?”
I decided to give him another chance to be cool,
Said: “‘Cause it’s my birthday and I wants it, and that gold makes me drool!”
Déagol responded with “I don’t care,
this Ring is mine now, and I ain’t gonna share!”
“I gotcha Nintendo, and I gotcha a bike,
And now at the Gladden Fields, you’re goin’ all psyche!”
“I spent all my greenbacks on pleasing Your Grace,
I found this and I’m keepin’ it, so IN YOUR FACE!”
Well, then with a sneaky smile and then a slight smirk,
I asked him “Are you keeping it indeed, you idiot jerk?”
Then I closed my hobbit hands around Déagol’s throat,
After he was strangled, I took the Ring back in the boat.
I hid his body quite cozily, ain’t tellin’ you where,
So be assured no one’s gonna find him there!
I found out with the Ring on I could not be seen,
I used it to be cruel, and I used it to be mean,
They named me after the noise I often made,
They may have kicked me out, but at least they were afraid!
Ssssay, my precious, up for a ride?
We’ll go find the Bagginss, don’t let it hide!
We wants the Precious, gollum, and we wants it now,
We shall catch the Bagginss, but, preciouss, how?
Putrid little thief – sss – is going to pay,
Ssearch all the pocketses, keep it at bay!
Gollum, sss, precious, gollum, ssssssss…
Precioussss, gollum, gollum, ssssss…