(commercial for “new radiant tie-dyed Kleenex” plays before we cut back to the news)
Banui: In today’s entertainment news…the Oscar speculation continues as everyone wonders who will receive “Best Equine Actor”. The race is determined to be mostly between The Lord of the Rings‘ Shadowfax and Seabiscuit‘s Seabiscuit. Our entertainment reporter spoke to Shadowfax and Seabiscuit at a press conference recently.
Seabiscuit: It’s an honour, really. I mean, I never thought I’d get nominated. It’s really neat. Hey, are you going to eat that apple, or can I have it?
Shadowfax: The wraith scenes were the worst. I mean, there’s this heavy guy on my back and this big…wraith…thing is screaming at me. If I didn’t know it was only Lawrence Makore, I would’ve bolted. Then PJ had to go and cut most of my scenes from the film! We had to re-take the scene with me and Gandalf and Pippin in Minas Tirith about six times because Bill, the Witch-King’s Fell Beast, kept messing up his lines or getting stage fright. And he was positively terrified of the camera. And PJ cut that scene out! I don’t even know if it’ll be in the Extended Edition or not.
Reporter: What was your favourite part of the film experience?
Seabiscuit: We-el…the carrots were pretty good. They always gave me carrots and apples after I ran for them. It was a lot of fun. The carrots were, anyway. The training was absolutely gruelling. The sugar cubes rocked, though.
Shadowfax: Hmm, well, I liked hanging out with the other horses. We had a pretty neat bunch. For a lot of them, it was their first big break. Asfaloth was really fun to work with, but we ended up never having any scenes together. I’ve admired his work for a long time, so it was pretty cool to end up in the same film with him, even if we never did actually meet onscreen. (pauses in contemplation) Well, actually, there was that one scene in Minas Tirith, but that was cut early on. Oh, and the Fell Beasts were really scary looking, but most of them were actually pretty nice. Except when they were hungry…ugh.
Reporter: Seabiscuit, I understand this is your first film.
Seabiscuit: Well, yeah. I had a couple of commercials–there was one for Wal-Mart, and then there was that Toyota commercial…that was pretty cool. But I wanted to do more than commercials. So when my agent found this film, we both thought it’d be awesome to work on.
Reporter: And Shadowfax? You’ve worked on a couple things before?
Shadowfax: Well, yeah…I was an extra in Black Beauty and I had a small role in a Western a couple years ago, but this is my first starring role.
Banui: Other nominees had different things to say.
Brego: I won’t say I have that much chance. I really admire Shadowfax’s work, and he is in the movie kind of more than I am. I think. But I do have the coolest costume. And I’m the horse of the King of Gondor. I wanted them to put me in the coronation scene, but PJ refused.
War Admiral: I WAS ROBBED! *snort* ROBBED, I TELL YOU! ROBBED! (paws at ground angrily)
Reporter: Well, after all, you were kind of the bad guy–
War Admiral: (nips)
Banui: The other contestants were unavailable for comment. When we come back-decorating tips from Saruman the White’s latest book: 101 Evil Ways to Decorate Your Home.
(cut to one of those bizarre Geico commercials)