Your friend might be a disguised Star Wars fan if…

1. He doesn’t think Gimli is hairy enough to be a sidekick.
   
2. He swears he saw a Jawa in Minas Tirith.
   
3. He refers to Merry and Pippin as ‘the Droids’ and asks if they’re going to have their own spin-off series.
   
4. He complains that Gandalf stole Obi-Wan’s move when he heals Pippin.
   
5. He expects Sauron to reveal that he’s Aragorn’s father and that Arwen is his long-lost twin sister. Aragorn will go on to marry Eowyn at a later date.
   
6. When Frodo and Sam arrive at the Cracks of Doom, he squirms excitedly in his seat and whispers something about a ‘lava-pit theory.’
   
7. He thinks Darth Vader’s helmet is cooler than Sauron’s.
   
8. He thinks Saruman would be much cooler with a neatly trimmed beard.
   
9. He moans “Use the tow cables!” when the Rohirrim charge the Mumakil on the Pelennor.
   
10. He also thinks the Mumakil have been taking makeup lessons from Darth Maul.
    
11. He’s certain that the Ring’s Black Speech translates to a fast-food order in Huttese.
    
12. When Frodo loses a finger, he sneers, “So what? Luke lost his whole hand and he didn’t wuss out!”
    
13. He grumbles that the Ewoks were way cuter than Gollum.
    
14. When Gandalf tells Pippin about Valinor, he can be heard muttering derogatorily, “Hokey religions and ancient weapons…”
    
15. He doesn’t think the women’s hairstyles are elaborate enough.
    
16. He’s also disappointed with the lack of skin bared by any female character (Arwen’s nightdress in The Two Towers and her neckline in Return of the King appease him somewhat).
    
17. He thinks the Witchking is the only one with any fashion sense.
    
18. He boasts that a few X-Wings against the Fell Beasts would be “just like shooting womp rats back home.”
    
19. He’s sure than in the Super Extended Edition of The Two Towers, the Uruks will shoot first.

20. “What do you mean this isn’t Return of the Jedi?!”