1. You’ve read all three books more than ten times.
2. You’ve kept it hidden and safe.
3. Since you’ve seen the first one of the three LOTR movies you’re listening to Enya all day long.
4. You think it is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing.
5. Words like “Yrch” make sense to you.
6. You dedicate all your free time to learning Sindarin or another Tolkien language.
7. You know when Durin IV lived.
8. You’ve become strangely obsessed with mushrooms.
9. Whenever you close a door, you say “They have a cave troll!”
10. When you come to a dead end you’re still convinced that the road goes ever on and on.
11. There’s a sign on your door saying “Speak Friend and enter!”
12. Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song. Preferably one that has more than 20 verses.
13. The only map you can read is the one of Middle Earth.
14. You’re starting to make strange hissing noises when you speak and call all your possessions “my precious”.
15. You change your name by deed poll to a Tolkien character and seriously consider naming your children after LOTR characters.
16. You have more than thirty sets of the books – and several are in languages you can’t read.
17. You buy the bookmark with “the one ring” tied to the tassel, and then wear the ring around and pretend to be invisible.
18. Every time you see birds in the sky you have the urge to say “Fly you fools!”
19. When someone knocks on your door you grab them, pull them inside and ask “Are you frightened?… Not nearly frightened enough!”
20. You try to walk on top of snow like the elves do.
21. You think about getting toupees for your feet.
22. You have made up names for all the nameless characters in the movie, like various hobbits at Bilbo’s party or the elves at the Council of Elrond.
23. You are able to reenact the whole movie in character.
24. Your computer’s screensaver is a marquee reading, “Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino” and the password is actually “mellon”.
25. You print out the whole movie script and religiously study it.
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