Interviewer (I): Hello and welcome to the double interviews with characters from J.R.R Tolkien’s famous Lord of the Rings and Peter Jackson’s films based on the books, which means we’ll be interviewing two characters every session. Today we’re interviewing two young hobbits. Hello, so glad you could come. What’s your name?
Merry (M): I’m Meriadoc Brandybuck, but you can call me Merry.
Pippin (P): And I’m Peregrine Took, but you can call me Pippin or even Pip.
Gandalf: Or even Fool of a Took!
P: Go away, Gandalf, and anyway you only called me that as a term of endearment because you were worried about me.
Gandalf: No, I only did that because that’s what you are!
P: Hey, look Gandalf, a Balrog.
Gandalf: A Balrog, where? AIII! A Balrog is come! (runs out of the room screaming)
I: Anyway, back to our interview. According to many fans, you and Merry were only in the first movie as comic relief. What do you think?
M: We loved it! We got to play all sorts of cool pranks, on set and off.
P: Yeah, lots of people thought it was neat the way we fouled up Gandalf’s fireworks, but my personal favorite was when we wrapped duct-tape around Legolas’ trailer while he was sleeping and when we put glue on Fraulein Josephine’s…I mean, Arwen’s toothbrush.
M: That was Pip’s idea, because he had been watching `Sound of Music’.
P: But in the second movie, things got really boring for us.
M: Yeah, all we got to do in the second movie was ride around in this big, animatronic tree that was so thick, it took him all night just to say good morning.
P: So, since we couldn’t play cool pranks on set in TTT, we had to find more interesting ways to entertain ourselves off set.
M: Yeah, like the time I tied Pippin to Treebeard when he fell asleep during the poem.
P: That wasn’t funny!
M: Sorry. There was also the time we hid Aragorn’s mighty sword, so that when he pulled it out during that cool scene they use in all the trailers and yelled, “Charge!” he pulled out nothing and got trampled down by the orcs. They had the film the whole scene again.
P: Then there was the time we secretly let a bunch of Legolas fans on set and let them chase the poor fellow all over Helm’s Deep, when he was trying to shoot Orcs.
M: Then, there was…
I: Ok, I think that’s enough. Did you like getting carted around by all those orcs?
P: Aw, it wasn’t that bad. They were only mean to us on screen. When the camera wasn’t on us, they fed us pizza and beer… I mean, root beer and we partied a lot. Those orcs were really cool dudes. It was a shame Eomer and his guys had to come and kill everybody.
I: I see. And what did you think of your role in ROTK, Merry?
M: Oh yeah, I got to ride on a horse with that Eowyn. She’s a pretty hot…
P: (snigger, snigger)
M: …FIGHTER! It was so cool how she brought down that Nazgul. I wish I had had my camera. It was a Kodak moment.
I: But what about you?
M: Well, all I did was stab the creep and then faint away at the sight of Eowyn about to be squashed. But I cheated. I only pretended to faint away, but secretly had my eyes open so I could see everything.
I: And what did you think of your heroic attempt to stop Denethor from burning himself n a pyre?
P: It really wasn’t that much. Personally, I wanted to let the old fool burn up, but I’m sure Gandalf wouldn’t have stood for it if I had just let him kill himself off. He would’ve grabbed me and kicked me off the wall himself, though I’m sure he was thinking about doing that anyway.
M: Ha, Ha, Ha! Yeah, Gandalf told me later that Pippin was really annoying and kept adding chocolate to the oats so Shadow-fax would get sick, or hiding his staff when he needed it the most or just being present when he shouldn’t be.
P: (grumble, grumble)…why did Merry get to have all the fun? (grumble, grumble)…gets to ride with the prettiest girl…(sulk)
M: But the best part of them all was when we were finished filming and we could sit down to a proper meal again. All that time on camera, and us poor hobbits didn’t have time to eat the normal amount of six meals a day.
P: I was starving by the time I got off the Minas Tirith set. They hardly fed me anything there. I know that was how it was in the book, but I got the feeling they were enjoying holding back my food.
M: Aw, Pip, you don’t give those guys enough credit. They had a lot on their hands.
P: The only thing Gandalf had on his hands was his staff and the only thing he used it for was to do that flash thingy to the Nazgul. He could’ve at least used it for something useful, like conjuring up something for me to eat.
I: Well, since you guys are so hungry, how about some donuts?
Both: Donuts! Where? (sees the table nearby with donuts and coffee) OH BOY! (speed off, there is a flurry and a loud crunching noise. When the dust dies down, there are no donuts, no coffee, no table, or anything else in the room). BURP! Sorry about that.
I: Well, that’s it for today, folks. Tune in next time, or at least when we refurnish this room, for another interview with two different LOTR characters.