Uruk-Hai Unhappy with Portrayal in Films
By Brian Briggs
Lurtz has had enough!Los Angeles, CA – The Uruk-Hai Anti-Defamation League (UADL) announced that it would be boycotting the premiere of The Return of the King, and would picket theaters because they are unhappy with their portrayal so far in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Kidnapping of short movie-goers was also threatened.
The group demanded changes to The Two Towers DVD as well as the upcoming The Return of the King film. “We feel that more emphasis should be put on the fact that we didn’t eat Merry and Pippin,” said Wratch of the UADL. “We’d also like included the scene where Lerd and Ugol discuss the geo-political ramifications of an alliance between Sauron and Saruman that was shot but was cut from the film.”
The Uruk-Hai have been trying to improve their image for years, running “Man Flesh Bad” educational commercials during popular orc TV shows like Everybody Love Shagrat, but all those efforts have been destroyed by the new films.
“Our depiction as warlike and evil creatures makes it difficult for us to get jobs in this post-war economy,” continued Wratch. He noted that the unemployment rate among Uruk-Hai nears 56%, much higher than the national average. Most Uruk-Hai are employed at either Uh! Beverages Inc., makers of the White Hand energy drink, or in the lumber industry in the Pacific northwest.
Not everyone agrees. “I’ll tell you why they can’t get jobs. They keep beheading all my customers and eating their flesh. It’s kinda disgusting when other patrons are trying to eat,” said Graham Entman, manager of a Carls Jr.
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