MR. & MRS. BLACK RIDER – PART 3 – At last part 3 is here for your enjoyment!

by Jul 22, 2004Other News


As the male riders started galloping at top speed toward the scent of hobbit they all stopped short at a sound in the field beside them. “Mushrooms!” Only to the riders its sounded more like, “Shhoooomssss”. See, when they heard things it was all in a deep low sound and very much in slow motion. As they approached the sound they came slowly, but it didn’t really matter how slowly they came because they were big and bulky, smelly and loud; so, whatever had made the sound had stopped and #3 shouted, “What are Shooms guys?” Mr. Black Rider gave him the “not now” nod (since he couldn’t give him a look, we and they, knowing that his face was covered completely), and started sniffing everywhere. Mr. Black Rider told the other 8 to wait where they were for him, he wanted to check this out for himself. He slowly started walking down the road ahead, his evil stench and breath creating an eery fog everywhere. He smelled these hobbits close, yes, hobbitS, Baggins must have 3 friends with him. He came to a tree where the stench of the four hobbits was greatest. Every creature started scurying away from him. He loved this part, where everything ran. He giggled, it was too fun. Then, as he was sniffing he heard something to his left. He chased after it. It ended up being a carrot. All he could say was “Gr.” He went back to his buddies and they began riding on the hunt for these four hobbits. One of which they desperately needed to catch.


“My, my ladies, ” Mrs. Black Rider proclaimed, “Do you hear those flying snakes?” She paused, and then attempted to correct herself, “or are they dragons? Or lizards since they have apendages as well as tails and no invertebre?” This ponderous question sent all 9 of the ladies into a full-blown discussion on what exactly defined a lizard from a snake or a dragon. After they were through however they decided to call them simply “flying beasts”, or sometimes just, “beasts”. Mrs. Black Rider exclaimed once more, “My those beasts are getting restless!” The others nodded. An orc with only one hand and one ear came into the room crying “The beasts are eating orcs right and left! It’s a masacare!” The ladies gasped. It was unusual for the flying beasts to become so savage. But Mrs. Black Rider soon had a light bulb of an idea go off in her head as she said, “Oh, I know what it must be.” The 8 surrounding her all asked in unison, “What?!” Mrs. Black Rider calmly said, “The men must be close to this trinket of Mr. Sauron’s.” “Oh, Mrs. B, you’re always so smart. I just don’t know where we’d be without you,” Mrs. #4 started, “I mean, girls, don’t you think we’d have skwered the beasts by now, thinking they had been bitten by one of the rabid orcs pillaging about??” The other Mrs’s firmly made known their agreement with Mrs. #4 by nodding and saying, “oh yes” while Mrs. Black Rider just smiled, throughly enjoying the attention she was receiving.


As the men were riding swiftly through through the woods onwards toward the little town called Bree they all suddenly stopped, Mr. Black Rider squinted up his robed face and said, “The beasts are restless, we must be close!” #3 looked around and said, “How do we know the flying beasts are restless? They aren’t here.” Mr. Black Rider simply said, “I just know, okay?” #3 nodded a content nod. Mr. Black Rider sighed for the trail had gone cold suddenly, but soon they heard something unexpected….


Mrs. Black Rider was sure her idea was grand, oh how surprised Mr. Black Rider would be! She knew he would need Alexander (for that is what she had named her love’s flying beast). As they flew (for they were all very well trained in riding flying beasts) they sang another song, for they all loved to sing…

Our our way!
(on our way!) (this was a round type of song by the way)
To meet our dearies!
(to see them)
We will bring them their beasts!

As we fly
(through the sky)
We will sing
(loud and clear)
About the way we fly!

We FLY soooo HIGH
Atop the trees and creatures of the forest!!
We SOAR above our LAAAND
High above the ocean and sand
(and the sand)

Oh Mr. Sauron
(do not worry)
We will be back soon
(very soon)
We will be back again to make you dinner
So you don’t starve!

Because our FOOOOOD is very GOOOOOD
And it gives us lots of nutrients!
Better than all other food and such
In close proximity to the kind of food hobbits make which is very gooood foooood.

This last line was sung rather quickly as the words did not really fit well into the rhythm of the song, but none-the-less the ladies liked the song they had created and sung it most of the way to Bree, well, I should say, rather just outside of Bree for the Mr. Black Riders had not made it all the way to Bree when the Mrs.’s spotted them and started showing off their riding skills….


Above the heads of the Black Riders swooped and zoomed the Mrs.’s. Mr. Black Rider didn’t know what to think or say, he was completely surprised. He didn’t need the flying beasts to be here yet, all they would do was scare the tar (and feathers) outta the creatures in the surrounding area and soon enough the ring would be lost again. As he witnessed his wife do figure eights and barrel rolls in the air on his precious beast, he motioned (a very large motion mind you) for her to come down NOW. And that’s just what he was yelling too “Mrs. Black Rider!! HHHEEEEYYY!!! DARLING!!! COOOOOME DOOOOOOWWWN!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!” He had found his voice and found what to say, as well as found he was no longer stunned, but very upset. He knew he could be upset now, but as soon as the Mrs. Black Rider’s touched the ground he would have to cool down so as not to appear enraged. But since they were all in the sky now, he could let lose his anger while he needed to.

Mrs. Black Rider finally came down as did the others, and approached her husband with a smile, “Hello dear,” she placed a quick black rider kiss on his faicial robes, “The beasts were quite restless so we thought you’d need them soon, so we brought them for you”. She smiled a loving smile, Mr. Black Rider was so upset, he didn’t know what to say, so he began to laugh. A great laugh that persons laugh when they just don’t know what else to do. He laughed so hard his robes fell off and he was an invisible laughing rider. Mrs. Black Rider, somewhat embarrased for her husband, quickly put his robes back on him and he finally calmed down and said, “*sigh* Dear, we don’t need them now, but I tell you what, fly them home and in about, oh, 5 or 6 days, bring ’em back to us.” “Oh, alright,” she said, “but we flew all this way, couldn’t we make you supper?” As obnoxious as it was for the riders to be interrupted, they relented and allowed dinner to be made, and then it would be off for Bree again…

In the middle of the night Mr. Black Rider sat up straight suddenly and squealed loudly. It awoke all the others and their wives, but the mr.’s all hopped onto their horses. While the mrs.’s sat there puzzled Mr. Black Rider hollered back, “We smell HOBBITS!! FOUR OF THEM!!!! SEE YOU SOON!” They rode as fast as they could, they smelled hobbit and so they had to chase hobbit. They chased and chased them but then they smelled water, ew. How awful the smell of water was to the Black Riders, “yuck yuck” was the thought going through all their minds. They lost the scent of hobbit in the water scent and resolved on going onto Bree for that was the only close town and the hobbits would have to go there.

It was soon the middle of the night and the riders hoped that the hobbits were fast asleep in Bree. Their scent was strong now and they only had to smell their way to the inn and the room they were inside. The only problem was, that once they were inside the inn there were so many rooms, full of many hobbits, it would be difficult to know which room exactly would be the hobbits room. They knew there were four of them thanks to their excellent sense of smell, but it would be a challenge to get it right. But none-the-less, onward they went to stab the guts out of the little brutes and take what was rightfully their masters.


The riders had found the inn, it was dark and no one was out, so they were alone in the streets. They then dismounted for the horses were too big to enter the doorway, the riders themselves had to duck for they were very tall. Probably about 8 ft. including the soles of their shoes… okay, wait, that doesn’t matter. On with the story. They walked inside passing a very scared old inn keeper, #5 whispered to #7, “Look at the scared little old man!” “Of course man, we’re scary!” #7 whispered back, “We are supposed to put fear in the heart of any mortal, MWAHAHAHA” He let out a very loud evil laugh, the others looked back at him and he just smiled. (A black rider smile is a funny thing, because instead of seeing teeth, you simply see the robe stretch into a smile, it’s quite hilareous.) Anyway, they smelled as best they could into what they thought must be the hobbit room, it was dark so they could see a little little bit and saw the outline of four beds with what they thought were four juicy, fat hobbits in them. Mr. Black Rider, realizing that there were only four beds told #’s 6-8 to follow him out to the horses and let #’s 2-5 do the stabbing job, for they were expert stabbers. Mr.B and his commrades walked out, just in time to hear a loud in-sync squeal from the ones inside, they came running out, flailing their robes. As they ran up to the others they yelled, “It wasn’t them! It was PILLOWS. Waahhh….”. At this, they broke into tears, all 9 of them, for they thought they were so close. Mr. Black Rider was the first to compose himself, for their robes were getting wet from the huge tears black riders shed, and it was awfully hard to ride in wet robes. “Black Riders, my fellow friends, we will wait in the woods outside of the town to smell their scent, for they are here, we know that. We then will follow them to wherever they go and attack the one with the ring of Sauron’s. Sound like a plan guys?” The others nodded except #3 who asked slowly, “How can we attack the one with the ring of Sauron’s if he has got it?” Mr. Black Rider sighed once again and said, “We won’t attack the creature with the ring as we would a sword, he is the one with it and we will attack him with our fabulous morgol blades!” #3 uttered a cheerful “oh” and went back to drooling a little bit. On the riders went out of town and #’s 2-5 sulked the whole way on their horses to wait for their next chance to stab the darn hobbits.


Mrs. Black Rider was not content with going home, she wanted to watch her husband and her friends’ husbands catch their prey, it would be great fun to watch. And so the ladies decided to camp for a few days then fly on over to them wherever they might be. They had brought along plenty of food supplies and such to keep their stomauchs happy for a few days and then would fly overhead to find their husbands when they might be close to catching the hobbits. Yes, it was a good plan they all agreed, and so they set up camp.


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