Glorfindel- Hello! you have reached Glorfindel. If you are calling because you have found a part that is rightfully mine in the Lord of the rings films, leave a message now, but if you are calling to gloat because you recieved a part that was rightfully mine…ahem *Arwen*, then don’t bother leaving a message because I will not return it. BEEEEEEEEP
Tom Bombadil- Hey Dol! Merry Dol! Ring a dong dillo!Ring a dong! Hop along! Fal lal the willow! Tom Bom! Jolly Tom! Tom Bombadillo!Leave me a message and I might call you back, Oho! BEEEEEEEEP
(Prior to leaving the Shire)
Bilbo- The road goes ever on and on…..hopefully whatever you have to say does not! I am terribly busy with many imprtant things right now so I can rarely take any calls. If you are calling in regards to Party Business, leave a message. If you are calling in regards to my book, leave a message. And if you happen to be a hobbit snooping around wanting my property or some terrible slimy creature with a lisp, hang up.BEEEEEEEEEEEP
Gawihir/Eagles- Good Day! You have reached the Eagles of the Misty Mountains Travelling Services. When you seem to find yourself in a situation where you are “Out of the frying pan and into the fire”…WE CAN HELP! For information on our travelling boundaries, press 1. For an estimate on prices, press 2, for a completely different estimate on emergency rescue prices, press 3. For a direct link to the big man…..bird….himself, please stay on the line. Thank you. BEEEEEEEEEEEEP
Mirror of Galadriel- Mae Govannen! you have reached the Mirror of Galadriel! Now Showing: The Scouring of the Shire! starring orcs and hobbits from hobbiton. For information on showing prices, press 1, for information on showtimes, press 2. For information on who is the fairest in the land, don’t bother asking. Go find some other story to satisfy that urge. Namarie! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
Now or something a little different……Middle earth funny PHONE CALLS!!!!
Legolas: Hello You! (starts to sing) I feel pretty….Oh so pretty! and you know you are of course….hahaha (Gimli in background): Are you finished yet,elf? This is the fifth time you’ve called yourself today! (muttering incomprehensible….) Legolas continues: Well, don’t worry about me! I am doing just fine! I will call you tomorrow, Hot stuff, Love ya!….Namarie (Gimli:elves….)
Merry: Hello Mr.Sam Gamgee! This is the hobbiton electrical company calling….Um….It seems to us that you are behind in your payments so….Um…..just leave a sack of potatoes on your doorstep and….um….(Pippin in background…somewhat loudly):sniggering…hehehe…He’ll never know its us,eh,Merry? Oh and ask for a few pints and some pipeweed! Merry: Pippin! Ssssh! He’ll hear you!….Oh Yes…so that’ll be a sack of potatoes, um…a few pints of ale….and (Pippin: The pipeweed, Merry!) Yes, the pipeweed and you can forget about the rest of the debt for this month…..um….Thank you…Oh! And have it ready in one hour! Thank you for your time…..(Turns away…phone not hung up properly) We did it! Let’s see if that oaf falls for it! Pippin: He’d have to be a cave troll not to believe us! (Laughing)
Boromir: Hello, Faramir! Brother! How fare you? You would not believe the time I am having here in Rivendell, There are elves everywhere claiming to be over 3000 years old! Crazy huh? and thats not all, there are these short little old dudes with like, fuzz on their faces…they look rather odd…called Dovs or something. And there are these other little people, they look like children! They are the perfect size to nag and annoy…can’t do much to you…called one shorty and he just laughed at me….wonder why…And you would not believe this, some ranger thinks he’s the king of gondor! I tell you, If that smelly,greasy, ranger man is the King of Gondor, Then I am a Balrog! Well, You may not believe it, but it’s not all fun and games here…well during the evening it is….I lost terribly at Go Orc to this old man named Gondofe or something….well, I am needed in the hopscotch hall, so fare thee well Brother!
Balrog: Hello, Watcher? Balrog of Morgoth here. I was just calling to inquire about your efforts to WATCH the doors of Moria. It appears to me that you let some troop of wanderers in here and they made a mess! Lucky for you I was here, I mean, since you got demoted from being Durin’s Bane, Man you just have not been doing your job! Don’t beat yourself up man! it’s not your fault you know…I am just the better monster! Get over it! Well there was this little grey old man who stood up to me! caused a lot of trouble he did….You would not believe how bad of shape I am in…..I haven’t been a pebble in 2 ages….rather depressing it is….well, If you could just step up the security a notch, it would be a real help because like I mentioned, I am somewhat incapable of fending of intruders on my own. Thanks again Man!