Middle-Earth Answering Machines

by Jul 2, 2003Other News

Nazgul- Hello, you have reached the Nazgul Hit-men services, if you have lost something and are desperately looking for it, we can’t help you! but if you are after some little person who has something that you lost and wants to destroy it but it’s rightfully yours… leave us a message after the screetch and we’ll screetch back to you as soon as Sauron lightens up.SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!

Gollum-Precioussssssssss……we wantsssssss the precioussssssss! those nasty hobbitsessss stole it from ussssssss!If you are a nassssssssty little hobbitses, hang up now, we isssss not speaking to you..Gollum!we iss to bussssssy mourning nice fissssshes…YOU SPOILS THEM! If you are anybody elsssse, leave ussssssss a messssssssage.Gollum!Gollum! BEEEEEEEEEEP!

Pippin- Hello! you’ve reached Pippin Took.I am out right now causing havoc with Merry but you know….Leave me a message (or a pint) and i might get back to you!BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Frodo- Hi! You’ve reached uh…Mr…Underhill,My name is Underhill! I am away on a secret mission to save the world from a second darkness right now, evading guys in black cloaks, fighting orcs, meeting elves, the usual. If you want to leave a message go ahead but be forwarned, I know of no “Shire” or Baggins” so you might as well hang up now…..go on….hang-BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Gimli- Hello, you’ve reached Gimli, son of Gloin.I am currently unavailable, dealing with some ruffian elves in Lothlorien so ….What was that elf? You calling me short? well, bring your pretty face to my axe! Haha! Oh yes, where was I? Leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I am free from this elven/dwarfish descrimination.RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Legolas- Mae Govannon! You have reached Legolas, Son of Thranduil, Greenleaf. I am currently busy brushing my pretty hair or taunting the fellowship with my elvish abilities….Wait! There is a fell voice on the air! Oh, it’s just you, leave a message unless you are calling as a prank *ahem* *gimli* .By the way, I do not own a refirigerator so how am I to tell if it is running?BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Galadriel- Hello, You have reached the Lady of the Woods. I cannot take your call because I am to busy trying to lure a little hobbit to the glen to look in my mirror, and then I have some minds to read before going to the hair stylists. If this is Elrond, you still have my dress and i would appreciate it if I could have it back. If this is Arwen, Look for an Elf to marry, dear. That greasy ranger isn’t good enough for you…erm…anybody else leave a message for whatever reasoning you have and I will consider getting back to you.(Elvish singing replaces Beep)

More to come eventually…


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