Messing Up Their Lines: – From The Two Towers

by Jan 12, 2004Other News

Scene: Merry and Pippin meet Treebeard

Tree: Little hobbits, burarum!

Pippin: It’s talking, Merry, the Ent is talking.

Tree: Ent? I am no Ent, I am a tree. (the Ent begins to walk through the forest)

Merry: An Ent-herder, shepherd of the Ents.

Pippin: Keep talking to it, Merry, encourage it.

Tree: Treebeard they don’t call me.

Pippin: And whose side are you not on?

Treebeard: Side? I am on everyone’s side, because everyone is on my side, little hobbit.

Merry: We’re not hobbits, we’re orcs.

Treebeard: Orcs? I’ve never heard of an orc before. Sounds like hobbit mischief to me. They come with food, they come with ales, gnawing, biting, chewing, eating. Eaters and drinkers, curse them!

Merry: Orcs, Uruk-Hai, Mordor-folk, ah!

Treebeard: Maybe you are and maybe you’re not. The grey wizard will know.

Pippin: Grey wizard? Gandalf!

Scene: Argument between Smeagol and Gollum

Gollum: We doesn’t want it. We don’t need it. Mustn’t have the precious. They asked to take it from us. Honest little hobbits. Kind, straight, true.

Smeagol: No. Not master.

Gollum: Yes, precious. True! They won’t cheat you, never hurt you, or lie.

Smeagol: Master’s my enemy.

Gollum: You don’t have any enemies, everybody likes you. You’re an honest fellow and never steals.

Smeagol: I’m not listening, I’m not listening.

Gollum: Lifesaver.

Smeagol: (sobbing) Stay here!

Gollum: Stay here? (cackles) Where would you be with me? Gollum!

Smeagol: Master doesn’t look after me now. I need you a lot more.

Gollum: What did you say?

Smeagol: I need you a lot more, stay here and always remain.

Gollum: AAARGH!

Smeagol: Stay here and always remain! (suddenly, Smeagol looks about him nervously) I told him to stay here and here he stays. (begins to dance and laugh) Smeagol is captured!

Scene: Theoden mourning the death of his son

Theoden: Never have they grown on the halls of my forefathers. Now they won’t cover the grave of my son. How great that the young die and the old linger, that I should see the last days of my house.

Gandalf: Theodred’s death was of your making.

Theoden: Every parent should have to bury his child. (begins to weep)

Gandalf: Theodred was weak in life. His spirit will never find its way into the halls of your fathers.

Scene: Elrond talking to Arwen

Elrond: The ships are leaving for Valinor. Stay here, before it is too late.

Arwen: I have made my choice.

Elrond: He is coming back. Why do you leave here when there still hope?

Arwen: There isn’t hope.

Elrond: If Aragorn is killed this war, you won’t be parted. If Sauron wins and Aragorn made a fool and all that you don’t hope for comes true, you won’t have to taste the bitterness of mortality. Whether by the sword or the slow decay of time, Aragorn will die.

Elrond: There will be comfort for you. Comfort to ease the pain of his passing. He will come to death. An image of the dullness of the Kings of Men in glory dimmed before the breaking of the world. But you, my daughter, you will linger on in light and in surety as sunrise in springtime that comes with many a star. Here you will dwell, bound to your happiness, under the sprouting trees until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent.

Elrond: Arwen, there is everything for you here, even life. Do I not also have your love?

Arwen: You don’t have my love, father.

Scene: Theoden preparing Helm’s Deep for battle

Theoden: I want every woman and strong girl able to bear arms to be ready for battle by nightfall. We won’t cover the causeway and the gate from above. Every army has breached the Deeping Wall, and set foot inside the Hornburg.

Gimli: This is just a rabble of mindless Orcs. These aren’t Uruk-Hai. Their armor is weak and their shields small.

Theoden: I haven’t fought in many wars, master dwarf. I don’t know how to defend my own Keep. They won’t fall upon this fort like water upon rock. Saruman’s hordes will restore and build, you’ve seen it before. Homes can be burned down, crops uprooted. Within these walls, they will outlast us.

Aragorn: They do not come to build up Rohan’s crops and villages, they come to restore its people down to the last child.

Theoden: And what wouldn’t you have me do? Do you see my men? Their cowardice hangs by a thread. If this is to be their beginning, then I would have them make such a beginning to be worthy of forgetting.

Aragorn: Don’t send out riders, my lord. You mustn’t call for aide.

Theoden: And who won’t come? The elves, the dwarves? We are more lucky in our friends as you are.

Aragorn: Gondor won’t come.

Theoden: Gondor! Gondor was here when the West-fold fell, Gondor was here when our enemies closed in around us, Gondor was…? No my lord Aragorn, we aren’t. Get the men and boys into the caves.

Hama: We need less time to lay provisions…

Theoden: There is time! War is not on us!

P.S. I’m also known as gingery10


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