Interviewer (I): Hello and welcome to the double interviews with characters from J.R.R Tolkien’s famous Lord of the Rings and Peter Jackson’s films based on the books, which means we’ll be interviewing two characters every session. Today we’re interviewing two hobbits, who are the main characters in the story. Hello, so glad you could come. What’s your name?
Frodo (F): I’m Frodo Baggins, son of Drogo. This is Samwise Gamgee, son of …er, the Gaffer, I guess.
Sam (S): Excuse me, Mister Frodo, I can answer for myself.
Frodo: Sorry, Sam.
I: So, what are your jobs in LOTR?
F: Excuse me? We don’t like our famous quest referred to as a mere job.
S: Really, you’re starting to sound like that Mister Gandalf.
I: Sorry, what kind of quest did you undertake?
F: Our job was to destroy the Ring of Power.
S: We had to take it deep into the heart of Mordor and caste it back into the fiery chasm from whence it came.
Elrond: Hey, that’s my line!
S: Sorry. Anyway, Frodo volunteered to take the Ring and to just that. Unfortunately, he volunteered me too, without asking whether I wanted to. (glares at Frodo)
F: I did not! You burst in and insisted on coming. I’m sure I would’ve gone much faster without you.
S: Oh, I forgot that part.
I: So, in a nutshell, tell me what you did on your quest.
S: Well, first we separated from our fellowship.
F: (shudders) I hate separating from fellowships.
S: Then we met up with this slimy, creepy guy.
F: (shudders) I hate slimy, creepy guys.
S: Then we fought this whopping big spider.
F: (shudders) I hate whopping big spiders.
S: Then we climbed this fiery volcano.
F: (shudders) I hate fiery volcanoes.
S: Oh yeah and we ate lots of lembas bread.
F: (shudders) I hate lem…hey!
S: HAHA! Tricked ya!
F: Why I ought to…
I: (hastily) Uh, let’s move on to the next question. Why do you call him Mister Frodo?
S: Because if I call him Mr. Baggins, he’ll sock me, isn’t that right, Mr. Bag…SOCK! Ow!
F: Yes, that’s exactly right. Mr. Baggins is my uncle and if he calls me Mister Frodo, people won’t confuse me with my uncle. Also, so all you Tolkien fans won’t be disappointed, he also does it because he considers himself lower than the rest of us.
S: Hey, no I don’t!
I: Uh, next question…so, what did you guys do when you got back to your hometown?
S: Well, I had this crush on Rosie lass, so when I got back to the Shire, I up and married her.
I: And you Frodo, whom did you have a crush on and up and marry?
F: Well, I…er…um (turns red and looks down)
S: What Mister Frodo means to say is he didn’t have a crush or up and marry anybody. He did become obsessed with round things though. You should see his button/coin collection.
F: (angrily) Sam, I am not obsessed with round things! And anyway, ever since you’ve been back, you’ve been obsessed with rope.
S: (indignantly) I collect rope to remind me of the kindness and beauty of the Lady Galadriel…
Merry and Pippin: (offstage) snicker, snicker!
S: Hey, shut up, you two! What are you doing here when it’s not your turn anyway? Lady Galadriel was very kind and gave me fine rope.
M and P: chortle, chuckle!
S: She also gave you shiny daggers, if I remember correctly.
M and P: (silence)
S: Although what she should’ve done was tie you up in a sack and throw you in the Great River. Anyway, that’s what we do not that we’re back.
I: I see and what motivated you, Frodo, to accept the challenge of destroying the Ring?
F: Well, for the most part, it was because Gandalf pulled me aside before the council and told me I had no choice and when to announce it, so I would look more heroic. I also wanted to be more than a mere hobbit.
S: And I burst in and insisted on coming because I wanted part of the glory too, and maybe I wanted just a little bit to be loyal to Mister Frodo.
I: Many fans liked the scene where you carried Frodo up the volcano. What did you think?
S: I thought Mister Frodo needed to lose a few pounds. I was also considering throwing him, Ring and all, into the mountain, because I was jealous that all the girls seemed to be after him and his big blue eyes and all anybody ever said about me was that I was the `stupid fat hobbit’.
F: They did? I thought only Gollum said that.
I: Ah yes, Gollum. In the movies, he seemed to work hard at separating the two of you, but when he finally did, you came back anyway, Sam. Why did you?
S: Well, a little bit out of loyalty to Mister Frodo, but mostly because I had put my rope in Frodo’s pack by accident and I wanted to get it back. Of course, when I found him all wrapped up like that, I couldn’t resist taking the Ring and all, then I had to get all heroic. In truth, I let the goblins take Frodo so I could rescue him and look good.
F: Is that so? I thought you were true blue through and through. Well, take that, you dirty double-crosser. (SOCK! BANG! OW! SMACK! SHOVE! SOCK!)
I: Well, thank you for joining us today as we interviewed these two good…uh, friends. Join us tomorrow at the same time for an interview with two more famous LOTR characters. Thanks!