I’m Old, Gandalf, Old…
I know what I want for Christmas. Yes, already. I even called my mother to give her the ordering information so she can go ahead and place a preorder. She was a bit surprised, (and I think a bit worried), when she realised that my number one request, top o’ the list present, is a toy castle with 1:24 scale miniature figures.
Oh, it’s not just ANY toy castle. It’s the Lord of the Rings HELM’S DEEP DELUXE ENVIRONMENT. (Back in my day, we called them toy castles.) “…contains everything you need to set up the battle of Helm’s Deep, including castle walls, entry gate, entry road, and two 3 inch figures available ONLY with this environment: King Theoden on Horseback and Uruk Hai Captain. The back of the castle walls has platforms for strategically placing multiple figures, (no other figures included).
The picture of this DELUXE ENVIRONMENT, my fellow LOTR geeks, is scrumptious. How handsome it will look in your…hmm. Therein lies the problem. This won’t quite go in your living room like the chess sets and other collectibles that might fit in with the decor, and it can’t really go into the kitchen or dining room. It could possibly go into your bedroom, but then would you ever LEAVE your bedroom…or allow anyone into it? If you have kids, it could go into their room….wait. No. They would play with it and probably lose some of the smaller parts and then there’d be trouble, eh?
No, one must have one’s own game room for these new toys. Errr, collectibles. Errr…DELUXE ENVIRONMENTS. Where are we going?
And there’s more to go with Helm’s Deep. Oh yes, preciousss, much more!
Wipe that drool off of your chin and remember to breathe in and out. Slowly. Don’t these images conjure new, rejuvenated feelings of ecstasy for Christmas? Heck, why limit it to just Christmas? Peter Jackson has singlehandedly breathed new, long lasting life into ALL GIFT GIVING OCCASIONS! Even the OLD Tolkien fans can now look forward to birthdays again!
With the Lord of the Rings HELM’S DEEP DELUXE ENVIRONMENT we won’t even need to go to war ever again. We can get the world leaders together, they can choose their champions, and whoever’s 1:24 scale miniatures are still standing when time runs out, wins! Jackson for the Nobel Peace Prize!
And you don’t have to choose JUST Helm’s Deep.
Oh, please, you knew that there would be more, right?
Thank you to Peter Jackson for finally confirming that Balrog’s do INDEED have wings. Now what that big yellow thing is on its spine, I don’t know. Probably some variation that Jackson felt was essential to bringing the Balrog from the book to the silver screen.
And on a page for yet another DELUXE ENVIRONMENT, with no picture yet, spoiler information…wait. SOUND THE ALARMS: SPOILER ALERT.
Cirith Ungol Pass with Shelob, including Wbeed Fordo and Armored Orc
Mount Doom with Eagle, including Invisible Frodo, Sam and Gollum
(Subject to change.)
Okay, I have no earthly idea what a WBEED FRODO is, (sounds BAD, though), but please note the presence of Eagle at Mount Doom. YEA!
SPOILER ALERT OVER! READ ON!
You have your heavy weapons:
And my prediction for Most Wanted Deluxe Environment? Another one without a picture, but a very classic description:
Fell Beast with Witchking and Eowyn in Armor
Fell Beast with Dark Rider
(Subject to change.)
Peter Jackson, we warn you. If you screw up the WitchKing / Eowyn / Merry scene, we will hunt you down. Like a dog.
So, there you are. The new way to bring LOTR to life; toy castles and toy figures. If I were anywhere between the age of being freshly weaned from Mom’s milk to…oh….say 15….I’d get more playing hours out of this stuff than the longest running video game to date.
Okay, fine, I’ll admit it. I will probably buy most of this for my nephew and sneak into his room and play with it myself. Or just sit and stare at it. Or maybe I’ll buy it for myself, leave it in the box, and claim that I’m collecting it for its future value. Yes, that’s it. If Mom doesn’t take me seriously and buy it for me for Christmas, then I’ll just buy it myself and tell everyone that….