A/N: I have no idea why not all of them come up in the search, but I can provide you with the site URLs for the chapters so far, since everyone’s been asking for them.
They’re not long, and they are key to the rather improvised plot of this. And now with the final chapter!
It is now, what? Day 6?
We have reached the Gap of Rohan. Eowyn gave tents, cloaks, the like and us a few supplies. She also put my arm is a fresh sling and dressed some of my wounds. I still can’t move my arms or walk.
Eating, blinking, sneezing, snoring, turning neck left, turning neck right, cursing, spitting, gossiping….basically anything that doesn’t go below the neck, which is very bad for my practically non-existent love life.
We are to camp here for the night, and then the company divides into 2: one half goes east of Hithaeglir to Lothlorien and Mirkwood and the other (including me thank Eru) travel west of the mountains, going around Isengard and up north to Rivendell. This is risky, because we don’t know how strong Saruman is at the moment, and we’re largely relying on hope that he doesn’t spot us. Therefore, we have to get around Nan Curunir in less than half a day.
Although we do have a few horses, we have to take it in turns to ride them. Glindir can’t ride, because I can’t ride in my state, and he has go on foot to wheel me around. Glindir not happy.
I don’t know if he is up to the challenge of pushing me all the way to Imladris.
He’s getting a little irritable with the strain of attending to me 23 hours a day. He should really stop complaining. He’s not the one who nearly lost an arm in battle and has serious wounds that need treating by the father of someone who is going to dissect him when he gets to Rivendell.
I’ve thought of a way to make everything better: I will write a cleverly crafted apology to Arwen! This is so perfect! She has to believe me now! ___
My dear gracious Arwen Evenstar, (comma)
A few days before my arrival, (comma), you may have received a strange looking message that was (quote)’allegedly’ (unquote) from me, Haldir. (stop).
The contents of this message may have been disturbing and even anger arousing, (comma), but I can assure you, (comma), that I am most certainly not to be blamed for this awful (awful) childish prank (simply awful). (stop.)
I apologise that you had to read that awful (awful) message and hope that you still hold me in reverence despite this awful (awful) trick against both of us. (stop.)
I can also say that the contents of the (awful) awful message are completely false and hope you do not take the words to heart. Aragorn loves you sincerely, and though he may sometimes seem homosexual – he is NOT in love with Legolas Greenleaf.
P.S: the battle was successful and ultimately victorious, though we lost a great number in fighting, my brothers included, myself a casualty.
I asked Glindir to write out my apology letter since I couldn’t move, and deliver it to Arwen when we got to Rivendell. He didn’t seem very happy about being a messenger, he told me I needed a thesaurus.
Soon, I will get back at Legolas. He failed this time to get me.
And he will pay for his mistake. If I could, I would be rubbing my hands together right now. Will have to make do with licking lips in evil manner.
Day…um.. the next day.
Said farewells to Elves going east. Told them to take message to Galadriel that I still live (hah!) and will not be back for a while. I am to be healed in Rivendell, due to my serious wounds. Emphasise the ‘serious’.
Going around Isengard. There’s a lot of steam coming from there, and we kept away, but Glindir went to have a closer look. When he came back he told me he saw a walking tree. I told him to stay off the hobbit weed.
Continuing northwards to Rivendell
Have noticed that I am the only blonde here. Am happy, but getting jealous looks from people. Heard them making comments about my eyebrows behind my back.
Day 13 (many, many torturing days later)
HAVE REACHED RIVENDELL AT LAST!!!!
Met up with Elrond who, kindly enough, asked me if I were well.
I replied that I was in a wheelchair and could not move, and he got the point.
He did not mention the Aragorn letter, which was nice, and he asked what he could do for me.
I told him what had happened, and he was quite grieved because it was him that ordered the armies to go south. He told me that he would help me walk again. He was prepared to heal me, no matter how long it took. I was quite touched. He put me down for an appointment with him, taking down some details in a little black book. Somehow I don’t like the look of that…
Arwen came to see me this afternoon. I was on the patio resting and enjoying the sun. She looked a little flustered and I gave her the usual courtesy.
“My fair lady.” I said, nodding my head because I couldn’t bow yet. Elrond’s next available session was in a few hours.
“What is the meaning of this?!?” she cried, waving my apology letter about in the air.
“I just wanted to say sorry -ah- it really WASN’T ME! I just wanted to make everything clear…you know..” I make a facial expression to show what I meant.
She looked blankly at me.
“Haldir, I don’t understand. What is happened with Aragorn?”
Now it was my turn to look confused.
“You .don’t know?”
“Haldir, I never received any message of the sort. No one has come to Rivendell for 3 weeks.”
“Oh crap” I muttered. Reality finally sank in. Oh Legolas, how I hate you.
Arwen folded her arms menacingly.
“Now we have something to settle here. What were the contents of the message that you talk about in this poorly written letter?” she waved the paper about again.
“WHAT WAS THE LETTER ABOUT?”
I squealed like a puppy and my leggings suddenly felt very, very moist.
After I said the next sentence, everyone in Rivendell heard my cries of agony.
“Ouch, that’s quite a bruise you have there Haldir.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“It was Arwen wasn’t it”
“Yes, my lord.”
“Tut tut, she was always quite a hellion..”
“Imagine striking a invalid though! Punching and kicking like that! In a wheelchair for goodness sake! I cannot imagine it..”
“I’ll have a word with her later on. Don’t you worry. Now… Where’s the pain then? Where should we start? You have quite a few serious injuries here…”
” Um..my Lord?”
“Can I ask you something, a favour?”
“Yes, of course. Go ahead.”
“Can I stay here, permanently?”
“You don’t want to return to Lorien?”
“No. Definitely” [shudder]
“Well, I see no reason why you have to. Yes, why not. I’ll tell Galadriel.”
“NO! Don’t tell her I’m here! Say I’ve crossed the sea!”
“When you’re plainly here, in middle-earth..”
“Oh very well, strange as it is. Haldir, son of Halmir, I proclaim you from now on a resident of Rivendell.”
“Thank you sir. Just one thing my lord.”
“I’m the son of Nunaur, not Halmir. That one died in battle, remember?”
“And you didn’t…”