Haldir’s diary: chapter 2
We have been marching south unstopping for nearly a day now, and it seems that we’ve finally reached the land of Rohan. Kept sanity by revising speech for meeting the king of Rohan at Helm’s Deep.
Feel grumpy. This place smells of horse manure.
Now all we have to do is find some fortress called Helm’s Deep (what kind of stupid name is that??)
Oh…there it is.
I could build a better fortress than that.
Got Orophin to blow the Elven horn, to alert people who are all already there. Galadriel said that I should search for Aragorn and Legolas.
Great; Meeting Isildur’s hairy heir, and arrogant prince of Mirkwood.
Told Elf army to march synchronised to intimidate feeble humans. They did it quite well. Quite funny. Everyone was staring at us, and especially at my SHINY armour. Met Aragorn and king of Rohan when I got inside. The old man wouldn’t stop thanking us. He kept saying: “this is unbelievable!” had he never seen an Elf before?
It was a good thing I’d memorised my speech from Elrond.
“I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell. An alliance once existed between Elves and men. We are here to honour that allegiance.”
Elrond has no imagination when it comes to writing speeches.
Then I see Aragorn running down the steps looking like a corpse. I held out my hand, like Galadriel showed me, being a good boy.
And then he hugs me.
Geesh. I knew he was a pervy hobbit fancier, but I didn’t think he’d go that way as well. (is it just me, or did anyone else notice that Aragorn REALLY smelt of pond water???)
Then I notice Legolas standing behind me. He’s changed from what I remember him: A whiny spoilt prince of Mirkwood. And he’s made a friend, a DWARF. A Iluvatar! I knew he didn’t get on with girls, but, uh..a DWARF?!?!!?
Talked a little to old king of Rohan. Apparently, he agrees with me on Aragorn’s abnormal odour. He’s a nice man once you get to know him, but he’s all:
“Say, why don’t you put the ELVES up front, and then my men can, uh…help, at the back?”
“but…then…wouldn’t it be the Elves in firing range, and most likely to be killed?”
“er.um…I’m sure they can handle it.”
“My lord, there are ten thousand uruk hai. I have but three thousand men.”
” I.er..have to go. Kingly duties.”
Which basically means bringing up morale by lying to the troops. Sometimes, I wonder why I’m here.
Have positioned Elven archers on wall battlements. Made sure there were as many men there to get shot, as there were Elves. Theoden not happy. And I’ve made sure anyone who annoyed me on the trip here will not be happy once they see where they’re standing. I myself have a nice clear position, behind a few troops.
Noticing how much Legolas is tagging after Aragorn.
Must remember to collect evidence to show Arwen and Thranduil when I get back; if I get back.
Now all we have to do is wait for a rabble of 10,000 uruk-hai coming this way to kill us.
I guess they won’t be hard to spot.
-a bit later-
Great. It’s started raining. We’re fighting in the rain. My armours getting wet and I just straightened my hair!!!
Oh, by the way, the uruk-hai are here. They look nasty. I am really hating Elrond and Lady Galadriel at the moment.
Why am I here?!?!?! What have I ever done wrong?!?!?!