Haldir’s Diary – Chapter Nine – to Rivendell in a wheelchair

by Dec 4, 2003Other News

Die, Legolas, Die.

That’s what I’m carving on the handles of my new wheelchair. Since I can’t walk for a while, and I can’t move my right arm, I have to be pushed around on this wooden chair which Aragorn attached wheels onto. Everyone’s being soooo nice to me, surviving near death and all that, and sustaining so many injuries, they don’t realise what’s happening.

A messenger is going north to Rivendell, on the last wishes of Haldir of Lorien, to give Arwen Undomiel, daughter of Lord Elrond Halfelven, the message that her soul mate and long-term lover and soon to be husband and King…is actually homosexual and in love with Legolas Greenleaf.

Not that’s its complete garbage.

The only problem is that the person who ~supposedly~ ordered that message to be delivered is going there tomorrow to be healed by the recipient’s father, ie, me.

There’s no point using Athelas anymore Aragorn. I’m going to die at the hands of your pretty girlfriend on the matters of something you will never find out about.

At least there’s some comfort:

I probably destroyed their relationship forever.


Day 4, or 5, or….I don’t care anymore.

Been avoiding Legolas.

I can’t find the potential-blackmail-material picture of him. I have a suspicion that it has been burnt.

Being accompanied everywhere by an annoying Elf called Glindir, who was told by Mr. Mirkwood Prince to ‘see to it that I am well’ (Damn you Legolas). He says he’s a friend of Rumil, and he can’t find him.

I don’t know if I should tell him his best friend and my brother is dead.


Aragorn, Theoden, Eomer, Gimli, Gandalf and Legolas have left for Gondor, or Isengard. Can’t remember. I’m not sure they finally agreed at all.

Main point of the day: Prince of Mirkwood has finally left and my torture has stopped.

The peasants of Rohan are preparing for their way back to Edoras, and the starry-eyed blonde girl (I think her name is Eowyn) has gone with them. She did not look happy. I thought I might as well leave something for Isildur’s heir.

With my good hand, I pushed my chair up to her. She was in her chamber, bent over the bed, packing clothes and supplies into a leather bag. I think it’s time to press the ol’ charm button.

“My Lady,” I said, giving as good a bow as I could get, “how fare you this day?”

“Well enough”

I don’t think she is very happy at all.

“What are you doing there?”


“Packing what?”



“More robes.”

“Is that all?”


“Don’t you need food and supplies?”


“What’s under that curtain there?”


I could see that this conversation was not getting anywhere. So I decided to be bold and just strike the jackpot. Er. Yes. Jackpot.

“Aragorn loves you, you know.”

She straightened up and looked me in the eye.

“He loves another, not I.”

Ahh..time to go for the kill:

“I wouldn’t be so sure milady,” I said mildly, “he told me himself. He likes a woman who can use a sword. I mean, he’d surely leave the Elf lady if you were worth it.”

She paused. Her face was deadly white.

“if I were WORTH IT?!” she yelled suddenly, robes flying about the room, “what am I worth???”

“He said,” I continued calmly, “that he has a weird obsession with women who go to war dressed as men. It must be all that contoured armour.”

Oh Eru what am I doing??? When did I get this manipulative???

I think Legolas has a bad influence on me.

It was all I had to say. She believed me, and I left the bomb in her room, set and ticking. Aragorn’s gonna get a nice surprise when he meets her again.

I left her to her thoughts and went to prepare my stuff for the journey back to Rivendell only to find that Glindir had already done it for me. He’s actually a very kind and efficient kid. I’m growing quite fond of him.

As he pushed me out to join the train of Elves to Rivendell, his head was bowed low. I saw what it was disturbing him.

Out of the 500 Elven soldiers I had brought from Rivendell, Mirkwood and Lothlorien, only a third of them were well enough to return on foot.

I nearly gasped when I saw the homeward bound army.

Glindir saw my anguish at the numbers; he himself had lost many friends in the battle.

He obviously remembered joining the army, never imagining, in his wildest dreams that the consequences were so terrible.

He’s young after all.

“People die in battle.” I told him.

He acknowledged this with a simple nod and wheeled me over into the mass of people.

When the men saw that their general was hurt but alive, they cheered slightly, and together, we made our way north to Rivendell.

I haven’t forgot about Arwen’s message. I am dreading the arrival, I wish this wasn’t happening, but Aragorn told me there was no way he could fully heal me with the insufficient tools and medicine he had (and with the limited medical knowledge he had, he would probably kill me). The only way I would ever have a possibility of walking again was to see Elrond.

At least I’m going to get my own back.

Still have to figure out a way to get back at Legolas though.


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