Aragorn (Ar): I smell something…
Gandalf (Ga): What is that stench?
Gimli (Gim): Cough! Cough! (Faints and falls off horse) CLUNK!!
Legolas (Leg): What was that?
Ga: Stop! He needs help!
Ar: Gimli! Are you okay?
Gim: Dude! It was that hippie with long blonde hair! He must have poisoned me or something!
Ar: I think he’s delirious.
Leg: Excuse me? That was just my new.. (pulls out hair spray bottle)…hair conditioner specially recommended for elves. It even says so on the bottle!
Ar: Cool! Where did you get that?
Ga: Confound it, you fools! Legolas, get rid of that horrible odor and wash it out! It’s dangerous!
Leg: Can I keep the rest if I don’t use it?
Leg: I was going to give it to Galadriel. She’s having some serious hair issues.
Gim: Tell me, Legolas. Where can I get some quality deodorant?
Ga: Gimli, don’t interrupt. Yes, Legolas, you may keep it.
Leg: Oh, goodie. Gimli, I don’t know. I heard the Shire’s got some nice deals on some, though.
Ar: Legolas, that is so cool. Do they have some shampoo for people with smelly, sweaty hair?
Leg: Yeeaaahhh… That’s what all shampoo is for.
Ga: Hair Master, where do they have beard detangler and white hair dye? I was thinking of going for an all white look like my pal, Saruman.
Leg: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, go to the Winkin’ Wizards salon in Bree. They have almost anything there.
Frodo: Hey, wassup, Fellows? Oh, hey Legolas, where can I buy foot hair curlers?
Leg: Now THAT is a problem.
A letter from J.R.R. Tolkien to illustrator Doris Sykes will be sold by Hermitage Fine Art Monaco for £15,000 ($25,0000).