Frolijah – Part 7 – Bombadil has NO fashion sense. Neither does Elijodo.

by Apr 22, 2003Other News

Frolijah – Part 7
Bombadil has NO fashion sense. Neither does Elijodo.

Recap: Frolijah has just proclaimed his undying love to Alice because of her dark hair.

Second Recap because the Author lied through her “teeth” in the first one: Old Man Willow just put Alice to sleep while Frolijah complained that the Willow was in Harry Potter, not TLOTR.


Wide, open spaces, I thought desperately. Come on, Alice, it’s not that bad. I mean, when your sister locked you in the closet that one time, you were cool. Anyway, Bombadil’s coming, right? Okay, maybe I completely freaked out with the closet incident, but I was vehement about this: don’t panic.

It was getting even hotter inside the willow, and I was having difficulty breathing. Like someone was sitting on my chest . . . You know that one mythological creature that sits on your chest at night and suffocates you? That was me.

“Help!” I vaguely heard someone call.

“Whoa,” came another voice. “What’s your problem here?”

“Two of our friends – ”

“Three, Mr. Frodo.”
“- Are caught in the willow tree!” Hey, how did Frolijah and Sam escape? They must be smarter . . .zzz.

“Ahh!! Don’t bend over me like that!” I screamed into a cherry red face half covered with a long beard. The face had sparkling blue eyes that looked very much like Elijah Wood’s. He stared down at me. “Who are you? Don’t touch me! . . . Santa??”

“Me? I’m Tom Bombadil! No need to be worried with Tom! Come along with your little friends to Tom’s house!” That was Tom Bombadil? He sprang away quickly, laughing and singing. Frolijah had a sort of amused look on his face. He turned aside quickly when he realized I was staring at him.

To surprised and relieved to speak, we followed Bombadil as quickly as we could. At last, the five of us came to his pale grey house. I felt all my fear drop away looking at his home. We were safe here. Well, I wasn’t safe from Frolijah, but that was another matter . . .

“Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties!
Hobbits! Ponies all! We are found of parties.
Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together!

“Wheee!!” Frolijah said, a crazy grin on his face. “We get to go with someone who has absolutely no fashion sense! Yellow and green and blue, and a feather all together – ” He stopped short. The most beautiful voice I had ever heard began to sing a short song. So this must be the River-daughter.

I could hear Frolijah beside me. He was muttering to himself: “I swore to give up girls. At least she’s a blond. Oh, help. I mean, she is already married, right? Must be. Be strong, Elijah. Let the Force be with you.”

“Come dear folk!” said the beautiful woman sitting in Tom’s house. She stood and took Frolijah by the hand. “Laugh and be merry! I am Goldberry, daughter of the River.” Goldberry led us in, seeming not to notice Frolijah’s quickened breathing and pink blush. I did, though. Frolijah didn’t look very happy when I nudged him, although he did turn rather a darker than before. “You have nothing to fear in the house of Tom Bombadil.”

“Fair Lady Goldberry,” Frolijah said. Then repeated himself as she looked at him. I wondered for the first time if he had read the books. As usual, I was proven wrong. “Fair Lady Goldberry,

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimm’d;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest;
So long as elves can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

I raised my eyebrows at this. Shakespere? He was singing Shakespere?? English accent and all? Well, not to original, but Goldberry seemed to like it: “Welcome!” she said. “I had not heard that folk of the Shire were so sweet-tongued. But I see you are an elf-friend; the light in your eyes and the ring in your voice tells it. This is a merry meeting. Sit down, I hear the Master coming.”

Elf-friend? Frolijah? That’s not fair! I was the elf-friend. Figures. Well, I guess he wanted to be an elf-friend. *Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.*

Before long, we were all washed and refreshed. After a long and merry meal – and several questions from Frolijah, my favorite part came: bed time. Yep, call me lazy, but a nice warm pillow was all I needed to drop off . . . And sleep as soundly as Sam did: like a contented log. If logs could be called content.


I don’t really remember all that happened for the rest of the stay at Bombadil’s. It was one long time of singing (except for me; on the repeated requests of the hobbits, I just spoke) except, of course, the only time I really look back on with . . . longing disgust. It went as follows.

“Okay! Okay, okay,” Frolijah burst out after Bombadil asked to see the Ring. “I’ll admit it! I’m not really Frodo! I’m his . . .” I glared at him. ” . . . look-alike. Somehow I’m in his body! I’m sorry, I’m just an actor. Ask Alice, she came with me. My real name is Elijah Wood!! I’m sorry, it’s all my fault. I have no idea what became of the real Frodo!!”

“Please ignore him,” I said quickly. “Mr. Frodo’s been a bit – sick lately. He’ll be alright later. It might be shock of some kind. Don’t worry about him. Perhaps he should get some rest!”

The other hobbits stared at us. Bombadil knew better than to ask. “Show me the Precious Ring!” he said.

“I don’t have it!” Frolijah groaned dramatically. He pointed one accusing finger at me. “She does! It’s all her fault! I’m not touching that thing.”

“You have the Ring??” Sam asked in surprise. “But I thought Mr. Frodo did! Why did you take it from him! Give it back!” He sat up straight, daring me to do otherwise. I slowly handing the Ring over to Bombadil. It was surprisingly easy.

Tom put the Ring around the end of his little finger and studied it – without vanishing! – and lay it on the table. “Then which one of you will be taking it back?” he asked. I wanted the Ring. It was mine. There was no way Frolijah was going to touch the thing.

But then, Frolijah reached out his hand and took it, along with my chain. I nearly cried out, before espying something strange and new in his eyes. There was a determination there I had not thought possible. He could have it, for now. But I would get it back. It was mine! My- hold it just one second!! What was I saying?


“Pardon,” Elijodo, former hobbit asked, “but what is a mall?” Lea stared at him in disbelief. Even her stay-at-home brother addicted to the computer knew what the mall was.

“It’s . . . a shopping center. A place where you buy things, you know . . ?” Lea trailed off at Elijodo’s incomprehensive gaze. Lea rolled her eyes,”Never mind, I’ll show you. Get in the car. Wait, are you going to wear that??”

“The what? Oh, that . . . thing. I would really rather stay here.” Elijodo said, horrified at the idea of traveling in the car again. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Never mind . . . I just thought you might want to change once in a while”

“Oh – I don’t know where . . . Does it matter? I would rather not go anyway . . .”

“Do you want the book or not?” Lea demanded. “We’ve been over the entire house – I can’t find a single copy of the Return of the King! Come on,” she grabbed Elijodo by the sleeve and pushed him into the car. Elijodo, too surprised to do anything, sat down.

“Lea?” He asked, “I don’t think this is a good idea.” Why was she forcing him to do this? She was as pushy as the Sackville-Bagginses! And he still had to get to Bree with the Ring! What if Gandalf had decided he wasn’t coming and left?

“Nonsense. Anyway, I already told Sean, Billy, and Dom that you’d be there. They are waiting for us.” Lea honked in annoyance at various drivers.

“What does that mean?” Elijodo asked, not listening to Lea. “I have a feeling it’s not a very nice thing to do, but . . .”

“What in the world are you talking about?” Lea said.

“The people in those . . . cars . . . they’re all sticking up their middle fingers . . . ”

Lea slammed on her brakes, squealing the car to a stop. “You’re right, it’s a bleeping thing to signal. Don’t you dare. Bleeperbleep!! Bleeeeeepbleepblep!!!!!!!!!! It’s really rude.” Elijodo stayed silent, not daring to ask what saying multiple bleeps all in a row meant. “Anyway, I was saying, Billy, Dom and Sean will be there – ”


“Your friends. They heard you had lost your memory – ”

“I have not lost my memory!” Elijodo said. “I remember everything. It was my birthday! I was going to leave that night for Bree!”

” – And that you were sick and thought you were really Frodo Bagits – ”

“It’s Baggins,” said Elijodo, desperately. “Why can’t you believe me? My name is Frodo Baggins! – I mean Underhill.”

“As you say, Mr. Wood. They thought – your friends, that is – that maybe some company would help you revive your memory.” Lea looked over at the once-hobbit. Elijodo stared back, unsure and more frightened than he had been before. “At least act normal! Geez, you’re crazy!” Elijodo opened his mouth to speak again, but Lea got there first. “Ah, here we are at last. Sure took enough because of the bleeping-bleep-bleep traffic!”

“Sorry,” said Elijodo hesitantly. “But why do you keep saying `bleep’?”

“Don’t like to swear,” Lea said, almost laughing at his question. “Dirties the soul. So why not just say `bleep’?” The two of them stepped out of the car. (After Lea taught Elijodo to unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Look!” a random girl in the parking lot said. “It’s Elijah Wood! I’m getting his autograph, come on!”

“Sweet, he’s like, here!!”

“And look, there’s Billy Boyd, Dominic Monighan, and Sean Austin also!”



Author’s Notes:

*Yes, that was William Shakespere’s “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” I figure just about all actors do Shakespere at one point. Accent and all. Actually, though, I substituted “men” for “elves.” That was definitely not Shakespere.

I promised to put in extra Elijodo, and here it is. I noticed while watching the extended edition and reading some interviews with Elijah Wood that his language was anything but clean. As you have noticed, mine is. Forgive me. Wait, I could make that funny later . . .

Also, part 5 has the addresses for all four “hobbits” as well as Orlando Bloom’s (his is in the comment section.) Thanks!

Oh, one more thing: I know the part with Frolijah wasn’t as funny as usual (so I’m told; but then, I’m also told I have no sense of humour. However, I know it wasn’t up to the usual standard, but still a necessary part of the story. Just wait until the two parts in Bree! Once I write them.) Sorry.

Please comment and let me know what you think. I know what to do for Bree, but as for the rest of the Old Forest, I am, frankly lost. Aaaaahhhhh!!! Help.



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