Disclaimer: The following is to be taken as a joke. We do not intend for it to start WWIII (from what we’ve seen of die-hard Tolkien fans, it could happen) Don’t get us wrong, we all LOVE Tolkien’s writings and PJ’s movie (between the three of us we’ve seen it more than 15 times and plan on seeing it again). However, as three college girls on April Fools with nothing to do, we came up with this. Hope you enjoy!
Seregwen, Legaelin, Nenimi
The *twisted* World of Little Worth
Cast of Characters:
THE ONE THING:
No one of the Camaraderie of the One Thing really knows where it came from, what it is or what it does. The box is locked and no one seems to have the key. From what we understand, Mefall was the first to find the One Thing, after an extended period of time it turned him into Galling, an annoying, irritating, bothersome, aggravating and disturbing little creature. After the One Thing abandoned Galling, it came into the imprisonment of Bilme Later, A half-ling of the Shire. Bilme had his misadventures with the Thing, then after being spanked by Grand Alf gave the One Thing to Mofo, his nephew. The One Thing is trying to get back to it’s master, but due to the cognitive short comings of it’s creator, the One Thing is unable to remember who that master is. (see MORON)
The “Thing Bearer”. First black half-ling (or any creature) in Little Worth. Born and raised in South Central Shire, he fancies himself quite the flesh peddler. Has been known to ogle Arson- further complicating the situation with Arrogant. “Thing Bearing” doesn’t pay the bills, so Mofo runs a racketeering ring on the side.
Spry, good looking elf in a wheel chair who lost both legs in a tragic spelunking accident. Now he REALLY doesn’t like caves. Brought into the Camaraderie of the One Thing because of his ability to speedily descend steep mountain sides. (And he does fairly well with a bow.) Thinks this should be HIS movie, and gets cantankerous when confronted about the fact that it’s not.
ARROGANTt: (a.k.a Slyrider)
Cocky heir to the throne of Goneover (The Edge) His heart greatly desires “the One Thing”, but since Mofo is the “Thing Bearer”, he has to settle with naming his sword his “Parcyl”. At the consultation of El Runt, Arrogant pledged his life to Mofo, but behind his back his fingers were crossed. Needless to say, Arrogant never sacrificed his life for Mofo.
Arrogant’s pyromaniac girlfriend. As the daughter of El Runt, she has a fiery Latino temper that burns almost as hot as her 2000 year old rap sheet (which includes being implicated in the initial lighting of Mount Doom).
A Latino-midget, his inordinate love for rum has preserved him like a fruitcake. He is of the opinion that the race of tall men is weak. He long ago lost control of is daughter’s pyromaniac tendencies. His wife Killabrain, (who had drinking problems herself, and ended up going over seas for counseling) never approved of El Runt letting baby Arson play with his cigarette lighter.
An oversized version of that weird alien “Alf”. He is proportionately more annoying and odd. This is accentuated by the fact that he likes to dress up in a wizard costume he acquired last Halloween. He was the self-appointed leader of the Camaraderie of the One Thing until the day he battled the ancient and foul Barmaid on the bridge of Hada Shroom. It was there that Grand Alf met his doom! But don’t worry, he comes back as Grand Alf, the not-so-annoying and odd.
A devious grasping dwarf ousted from his long-time home at Hada Shroom (a.k.a. Euphoria) for hoarding a horseradish cheese log. He was too ambitious for them anyway! (behold the power of cheese!)
Just a regular guy trying to get along in Little Worth. Accidentally becomes ensnared in Mofo’s racketeering ring.
Happy-go-lucky, but dimwitted half-ling companion to Gary. They live together, but they are not “together.”
A stale, painfully shy librarian who toils away in the bowels of the Mini Tearass library. Enlisted by Arrogant to help him discover exactly what the One Thing is. Borme, as a closet speed freak, is Mofo’s #1 buyer. During the capture of Gary and Skippin, Boreme succumbed to his own fuddy-duddiness as he attempted to lecture the orks on the danger of using sharp objects.
A former half-ling, became the woeful casualty of Grand Alf’s spell casting practice and was turned into something…Unnatural! Namely, a palm sized canister of processed meat food. Spamfries has since become Mofo’s constant companion and closest friend (especially when Mofo gets a case of the munchies!). He resides in Mofo’s F-ing little back-pack, accompanied, of course, by the One Thing.
Think “Half Baked”. His love for the half-ling’s weed has “clouded” his judgment. He resides at 420 East Ibehigh Circle. Sorryman is Spamfries’ arch nemesis (Sorryman is known to be gluttonous when he comes off a good trip). Has been recognized to frequently apologize for his drug influenced “accidents.” Among them, the scouring of the shire. Afterwards he reportedly murmured, “I was just lookin’ for some weed man, sorry man”.
A half-ling of a VERY ripe age who has accrued quite a gambling debt. Uncle to Mofo, he may have given Mofo his start in the racketeering business. Bilme was also a former “Thing” bearer before he passed it on to his nephew. His cardinal bane is those damned credit card companies, he has also amassed a horrific tab at the Green Dragon.
Creator of “the one thing.” Fortunately however, giving credence to his name, he has forgotten what it is, what it does and save for the key around his neck, that it exists. He has aspirations to rule the whole of Little Worth with his treachery and evil…Unbeknownst to him, thanks to people like Mofo, Little Worth is already treacherous and evil. Any attempt to make it more corrupt would only lead to the betterment of society and anguish to its aspiring dictator.
And for those of you without a sense of humor…we have compiled a nifty correspondence guide.
Little Worth Character Middle Earth Character
“The One Thing” “The One Ring”
Legless- Legolas 🙂
El Runt- Elrond
Grand Alf- Gandalf
Borme Todeath- Boromir
Bilme Later- Bilbo Baggins